I have been a paintin’ fool the past three weeks. I’ve painted eight walls and a set of cabinets.

I don’t so much mind painting, but I’ve learned that I may not be cut out for a career in painting. I’m a messy painter, and I’m a perfectionist, so you can understand why I have such a hard time when I paint. The messiness and the perfection just do not get along well. 

I’m am so pleased with the results. For instance, we turned this plain basement wall,

Into a new playroom wall,

Painting appeals to me because I am all about immediate gratification. This wall transformed in a matter of hours. I can’t wait to get carpet down in this room so that our boys can have a bright great place to play.

Here are just a few of the things I learned about painting…

1. A ladder is no place for a clumsy girl like me.

2. If you have OCD are particular about things it will take you longer to clean your brush and roller than it will to actually paint.

3. When painting, you should have a wet rag on hand because fresh paint wipes away much easier than dry paint.

4. For every touch-up job you do, another touch-up job will present itself. Dang.

5. Painting a ceiling is much easier during the day in the natural light than it is after dark with lights shining in your eyes.

6. If you are painting the ceiling in your laundry room, it is probably a good idea to remove all dirty clothes within a 25 foot radius.

7. It is a lot easier to paint if you know the flooring will be removed and new carpet installed in weeks.

8. It takes paint rollers a sweet forever to dry

9. Instead of attempting to match a paint color to your existing wallpaper border in aisle fourteen at Lowes while your two little boys – wound up like eight day clocks – bombard you with 327 questions about why they can’t paint the playroom Jimmie Johnson blue, how much longer you’re gonna take, and where we gonna eat at?  you should choose a stack of paint color samples and examine them in the peace and tranquility of your home after the kiddos are in bed.

10. White trim will make a bright red wall pop!

How about you? What did you learn this week?

Head over to Musings of a Housewife to see what others have learned.

Not Me! Monday was created by MckMama from a desire to be brutally honest about our imperfections and shortcomings and reveal a few moments we’d rather forget. It is cheaper than therapy and therefore, you should join in the fun!

Now, for the things I most certainly did not do this week….

There is no way that I lost my sweet Alex at the Monster Jam Pit Party on Saturday because what kind of mother loses her kid? Seriously, I did not run around the joint yelling his name thinking that even if he couldn’t see me, he would definitely hear me and come running.

If that had happened, I’m sure it would have been very scary.

It also wasn’t me who did something mysterious to her left thumb that caused internal bruising and soreness. And, if you think I have a flair for the dramatic you would be sadly mistaken because I am not a drama queen who experiences some of the weirdest problems known to man.

While sitting at the breakfast table eating apple jacks, it wasn’t me who had the overwhelming urge to throw an obviously rotten orange on the driveway just to see what would happen because it was hard as a brick. I talked myself out of it, but left it in the fruit bowl because tomorrow might be a different day.

Earlier in the week, I did not visit Google to find out what happens to an orange when it rots because who cares about the orange and the rot? Nor did I just minutes ago talk myself out of cutting the orange in half to find out once and for all what was going on inside of the orange because it would probably be nasty and I would probably gag because thats what I do when I am grossed out. 

No indeed. Not me!

And speaking of nasty… I DID NOT have a dream about inch-long worm looking things crawling just under my skin and then poking holes in my skin with tweezers to get the inch-long worm looking things out of my hands and legs.

Have no idea what that was about, but I was never so happy to wake up from a dream ever in my life.

I did not ask the ultrasound tech 312 questions about the ultrasound I had on my kidneys on Wednesday after she told me under no uncertain terms that she could not discuss what she was seeing with me because I am not nosey at all.

I am not currently watching ‘The Invention of Lying’ and thinking it is the stupidest movie ever because everyone knows that the stupidest movie ever award goes to Napoleon Dynamite.

And speaking of stupidest movies ever, I did not watch Dumb and Dumber for the 412th time on Tuesday, laughing just as much as I did the first time I watched it because Jim Carey is not funny. At all.

How about you? What’s the craziest thing you didn’t do this week? I’d love to hear from you today!

Come now, let us reason together,” says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. Isaiah 1:18

My boys can tell a story with the best of them. Not sure where the gift of gab comes from, I just know that they have it. It’s a gift that runs in our family.

Or so I hear.

I will try my best to keep this relatively short, but y’all know how I am. If you have somewhere to be in the next hour, you may want to come back when you have more time because this story has the potential to be a long, windy tale.

It all started in April, 2009 when I visited the Dentist because my gums were swollen. As it turns out, I had something lodged in my gums, and my gums became infected. The Dentist prescribed some sort of antibiotic that apparently causes abdominal pain in one out of about 2,281 patients. Give or take a few.

Guess who the one was?

The severe abdominal pain caused my two boys and I to miss out on a trip to Guantanamo Bay to see McDaddy because I ended up in the emergency room in a Maryland hospital. A blood work-up revealed that my iron level was dangerously low due to very heavy periods.

Gross, I know.

Once we got back to town, I visited my PC who referred me to my gynecologist so that the whole very heavy periods thing could be attended to. I was given two options – ablation or Mirena IUD – to take care of the problem. Because McDaddy was out of the country, I opted for the Mirena and looked forward to five friggin’ years without a visit from the monthly beast.

If you’ve spent a good amount of time around here, you might remember me blogging about a visit to my gyno. I might have mentioned a dump truck being used in the procedure because OHMYGOSHITHURTSOBADLY.

The dump truck procedure that I referred to was actually a procedure to insert (install?) an IUD into my body.

Did I mention that it was really painful? Because seriously, it was!

After nearly passing out catching my breath, I was instructed to return to the gyno after a month to have an ultrasound to insure the device was in place. In rare cases, the IUD expels itself and must be removed.

Apparently I am a rare bird.

Because as luck would have it, the ultrasound revealed that the device was not in the proper position and needed to be removed. Coincidentally, the only thing worse than having an IUD inserted, is having a misplaced IUD removed.

Sweet mercy, I THOUGHT I WAS DYING!

Not that I’m dramatic or anything.

With tears in my eyes, I sat in the exam room for several minutes before leaving. A month or so later I found myself in the same exam room dreading the same procedure. The dump truck pulled in, backed up, and pulled in again. Or at least if felt that way. Another ultrasound one month later revealed that the IUD was in fact, in place.

Hallelujah!

Fast forward to January 18, 2010 when I visited my PC for my annual check-up. On that particular day, my blood pressure was 184/103. My medical doctor informed me that I had gained some weight (ahem!) since my last visit and that it was necessary to add a second blood pressure medication to my already existing medicine.

Two days later, my blood pressure spiked to 204/185.  That little mess resulted in a trip to the Urgent Care and from there I was transported to the Emergency Room via ambulance. If you want to read every stinkin’ detail,  you can go here to read about that first visit.

Shortly after that visit, McDaddy offered to give me a kidney if needed and I continued to monitor my blood pressure very closely. A few days later, me and my dramatic self experienced some very scary symptoms. My chest tightened. My arm tingled. My head ached. My heart was pounding out of my chest and my blood pressure was 238/140. If you’re guessing, I ended up back in the ER, you’d be right! It was our second weekend night in the ER.

Each time I visited the ER, I mentioned the dump truck procedure IUD.

A few days later, on a whim, and because I had another stinkin’ head ache I googled Mirena + blood pressure.

Guess what I found?

Overwhelming evidence that suggested that maybe, just maybe the Mirena was causing the problems with my blood pressure. I made a call to my gynecologist and she felt certain that the IUD would not cause my blood pressure to spike so high, but agreed that it should be removed.

As one in my shoes might expect, the removal of the IUD did not go as planned.

A minute or so after the Doctor was “on the property” she said five words that I did not expect to hear.

“I can’t find the strings”

Wellalrightythen. Now what?

I was sure at that minute that those stupid strings had crawled up into my chest cavity and I was mentally preparing myself for the possibility that I would have to be opened up so that the device and it’s strings could be surgically removed from my body. Thankfully, that scenario never played out.  A vaginal ultrasound was needed to find the strings and within seconds the device was fairly painlessly removed from my body.

Eight days (and an addional blood pressure pill) later, my blood pressure is just slightly higher than normal. I can’t be sure if the problems were due to the IUD, or if there is a more serious underlying problem (I had an ultrasound of my kidneys today to check for a renal blockage) but I know that the headaches are gone. The dizziness is gone. And I feel much better.

I’ll keep you posted and iknowthiswentonwaytoolong, so I’ll just say enjoy your weekend!

Mkay. That’s all.

Welcome to my little corner of the blogosphere. I’m so glad you’ve stopped by. If you are one of my eight loyal blog fans, I appreciate you and hope you learn something about me you don’t already know. If you are new here, I sure welcome you to visit any ole’ time. I just love having company.

For starters, I started blogging in June, 2006 for myself and 200 of my closest friends on mySpace. After deciding that me and this bloggy gig could be a happy couple, I decided to take the bloggy plunge and join the blogosphere. That whole Inmates to Playdates title? Well, let me just say that my title has nothing to do with me finding love in jail. Before hanging up my handcuffs to be a stay-at-home-mom, I was an inmate counselor at a Regional Jail.

I am 36 and I am married to McDaddy who happens to be the most patient man on the planet. He is a control systems genius engineer and also a member of the WV Air National Guard. He was recently deployed for six-months at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba where he diligently protected our butts, our freedoms and whatever else needed protecting . I talk about him often here at Inmates and I so proud to be his wife. Oh, and did I mention he is hot?

I have a seven-year-old son named Stevie. He is a cool kid who loves Lightning McQueen, Monster Trucks and his beloved DS. He is one of the sweetest kids I’ve ever known and I’m not at all just saying that because he is mine. He is thoughtful, polite and loving. (He’s also very smart but I don’t want to sound like one of those mothers).

I also have a four-year-old son named Alex. He has two speeds. Asleep. And wide open. It is comical to watch him in action. He loves to run, jump, climb and bulldoze. He also likes Lightning McQueen, Monster Trucks, Tom & Jerry, and his Leapster. He is sweet, independent and cute as a button.

My boys are the joy of my life and I am thankful for the privilege of being a [stay-at-home] mother. Even though I always thought I would have a daughter, I am thrilled that my boys are the best of friends and wonderful playmates.

As my tagline says, I am a self proclaimed princess who gave up a career in corrections for stay-at-home-mom royalty. I have a truck-load of quirks and I am gifted in the art of conversation. Just ask anybody. I enjoyed my time in jail very much but I enjoy motherhood even more. I love the Saturn Sky, Reality TV, and Dr. Pepper. I am also a Longaberger consultant and scrapbooker.

This blog is like a bag of chex mix. Sometimes you get a boring ole raisin and sometimes you get the M&M. Either way, when enjoyed together, it is a great mix.

I have talked at length about my funeral, watching an embalming and even pap smears. Some days I talk about my sweet boys, my hubby or my Jesus.

Although I realize you have a lot of stops to make, I invite you to nose around and enjoy my daily dose of crazy. Believe me, there is plenty to go around.

It was nice meeting you! I hope to see you soon! Many thanks to Household6 Divafor hosting this party for those of us who couldn’t make it to blissdom.

There is nothing in life that makes me happier than the three special fellas in my life. Well, except maybe, a big, fat diamond, or a chili pepper red Saturn Sky.

Oh, I kid.

Sort of.

Especially when the three special fellas are smiling. And sometimes, even when they are not smiling because I love them unconditionally even when they won’t smile for my camera because they are too darn stubborn. (Ahem!)

Have a look at my sweet Alex Ryan (who will smile for my camera if I beg plead bribe -

And my sweet boy, Stevie (who will smile for my camera on demand just because that’s what you’re supposed to do when a camera is pointed in your general vacinity) -

And their sweet dad, McDaddy (who would rather have a tooth pulled than smile for my camera), well maybe not a for-real tooth pulled, but you get my point, right?

Dang, he’s handsome.

You might recognize this girl (who smiles for my camera every. single. time. because she’s crazy like that!) who is blessed beyond measure -

Yes indeed, just face it – Faces make me so happy!

For more happy faces, visit Beth’s place – I Should Be Folding Laundry.

In a few short days, we will celebrate the lovely holiday associated with heartfelt messages and short, fat arrow bearing cupids. The US Greeting Card Association (Google it!), estimates that nearly one billion valentines are sent throughout the world each year, making Valentine’s Day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year – behind Christmas, of course. And surprisingly, statistics show that women purchase approximately 85% of all valentines. Ahem!

I am a big fan of the holidays. All of them. I decorate for July 4th, Christmas, Halloween, Easter and Thanksgiving. I enjoy celebrating and I enjoy purchasing and giving gifts. Actually, I am like a little kid when it comes to giving gifts. When you marry someone who enjoys holidays, you are pretty much signing on for a lifetime of expectation and, well, a proverbial pain in the butt.

I love the whole gift thing and McDaddy pretty much knows that I expect gifts on those special days. That doesn’t mean he has to spend a butt-load of money. It just means that it is important to me that he make an effort.

For those of you who are looking for the perfect gift, this blog is for you. Keep in mind that this is my blog, which means it contains items that would excite me. Your significant other may enjoy other things, but, its a pretty safe bet that something on the list will interest her.

1. Jewelry is always nice. Especially, nice jewelry. There’s something about a gift in a little box that was chosen especially for you. Especially a little blue box from Tiffany & Co.

2. Or any other jewelry for that matter.

3. A massage is a great gift. And, if you’re feeling frisky, you can throw in an extra service, like a facial or a pedicure. And, the good thing about a massage is that YOU can actually give the massage, meaning it will cost you nothing. The massage should however, last longer than five minutes and should not come with any strings attached. (Ahem!)

4. & 5. Shoes and purses are always a safe bet. Nothing makes me happier than a new handbag, or a new pair of shoes. A woman and her purse become close friends. So, if you know her style, surprise her. Pick it out yourself.

6. I suppose if you are the type that loves to cook, this cookware from Rachael Ray would delight you. I like this particular cookware because it’s orange, and because it has nice gripper handles and because, you know, it would look great in my cabinets.

7. Remember earlier in this post I mentioned that the value of the gift is not nearly as important as the effort behind the gift? So, if none of these gifts seem to be within your budget, you may want to try one of these. They are free and they need to be done.

Empty the dishwasher.

Run the vacuum.

Give the kiddos a bath.

Do the laundry.

8.Or buy one of these handy suckers to do the work for her,

9. If the special gal in your life enjoys smelling good, perhaps you might look to Ralph Lauren and his peeps for some sweet smelling awesomeness. I wear Romance daily.

10. And speaking of sweet smelling awesomeness, how about some Yankee Candle Cranberry Chutney. My favorite scent.

11. And, if you, like me are getting older and appliances appeal to you, how about these beauties?

12. The greatest invention of my time is always a great gift choice,

13. And my number one wish? Um, no big surprise here. Its not real practical for a stay-at-mom-with-two-kids, but a girl can wish… and dream. In fact, I spend way more time thinking about this car than I should. I have never been a huge car fan, but, my love for this car has grown into a full blown affair. And, since I really LOVE this little ride, I would be remiss if I didn’t include it on this list.

If all else fails, love your mate, and take her on a date!

Happy “V” Day peeps!

For this week’s edition of Works For Me Wednesday, participants are supposed to share a blogging tip.

I am going to offer a few tips that have worked for me!  And a few that work for me as a reader, too!

1. Your title, is um, vital. A few months ago, I wrote a post entitled Wet T-shirt Contest. That post has sent tons of visitors my way thanks to Google.  In addition to the whole Google title tip, I have to say that I am more apt to click on a catchy title than something ordinary. A catchy title is more apt to catch the attention of readers, especially if your post is featured on Blogher. I’ll click on a catchy title every. single. time.

2. Comment frequently – I’ve never met a blogger who didn’t welcome and appreciate comments. In addition to getting comments, it is important to GIVE comments. Commenting is a great way to make URL friends and I’ve found that responding to comments is a great way to engage with your readers.

3. Keep a running list – Sweet mercy, the list has saved me time and time again. I have so much running around in my head, the blog fodder often gets lost in the madness, so I’ve found that making a note of the idea is always a good idea.

4. Turn the music off – I’m not a big fan of a music box on a blog. When I’m reading a blog, the last thing I want to hear is some 80’s mess playing in the background. Or 90’s for that matter. It’s distracting to your readers if you ask me.

5. Post Links – When your daily dose of crazy involves watching an embalming, or your child swallowing a penny, you should link back to it every now and again. Visitors and new readers to your blog will enjoy older posts that perhaps they wouldn’t take the time to scroll through otherwise.

Thanks for stopping by From Inmates To Playdates! I hope you have a lovely Wednesday. Visit THAT familyfor more bloggy tips!

I’m curled up in my BBB chair watching The Bachelor preparing to write my What I Learned This Week post.

I used to be a big Bachelor fan back in the days of Ryan and Trista, but I found it disturbing that every rose ceremony was slated to be the “most dramatic rose ceremony ever.” Not to mention that there were other more-worthy shows like Dancing With The Stars, American Idol, and Desperate Housewives. Clearly, something had to go. I ditched The Bachelor some years ago and only watched it this evening because there was talk of Vienna “The Vixen” and I wanted to see what all the hype was about. Jakiepoo is a cutie, but I feel like a stranger peeking in the window because I’ve not been following the show this season.

In addition to learning that The Bachelor is still as goofy as it ever was, I learned a plethora of things.

Don’t you  just love that word, plethora?

I learned that when painting your basement, there is a pretty good chance that the paint will be on every surface and every article of clothing within a ten-mile-radius, especially if you have two children under the age of seven.

Mario Cantone is annoying. Just sayin’

Lady Gaga is something else.

During a follow-up appointment with my medical Doctor today, I discovered that I am, in fact, five-foot-nine-inches tall, not five-foot-eight-inches-tall as I have reported for the last twenty-some years of my life.

Dang, who knew?

 Blog posts are typically more complete if I work on them for a day or so instead of posting them right away.

I am a firm believer that people should Google themselves monthly.

25% of all Girl-Scout cookies sold are thin mints.

Many of the items on the IKEA website are not available for purchase online which stinks because there is not an IKEA store in WV or anywhere close to us and there are a few items on their site I would love to purchase for our new playroom/laundry room project.

IF you have suddenly have major blood pressure problems, and you have an IUD, you should probably Google the IUD because it is POSSIBLE that your Mirena IUD is to blame as the source of the problem. I will know for sure in a few weeks and I will definitely keep you posted!

That’s a wrap.

Head over to Musings Of A Housewife for more things people learned this week.

I was making my morning blog run when I stumbled upon a post over at Chic Critique called What’s In Your Make-up Bag?  From there, I visited a few of the gals linking up to the carnival and the next thing I knew I was searching for my camera to join in the fun.

Then, I discovered that my camera is missing.

Now if I’m being honest, actually it’s McDaddy’s camera that is missing because before the deployment, the boys and I got McDaddy the camera for Father’s Day. Only McDaddy pretty much said he liked my camera better because it was smaller, and told me I could have the new one. And now there is a running joke at the McResidence about his camera being my camera. And, unless you’ve been taking copious notes throughout this paragraph you probably have no idea which camera is mine and which is McDaddy’s.  To make a miserably long story short, the fact is that I could only find one camera and basically I’m letting McDaddy know because he will wonder how the pictures of my make-up bag and its contents found its way onto his camera in the midst of pictures of the heap (ahem! I mean JEEP), the truck and all the other car parts that are for some reason stored on his SD card.

Anyway. On with the make-up bag post.

Meet my make-up bag,

And it’s contents,

There are actually a few other items in the bag, but since I don’t use often, I didn’t allow them to take part in the what’s in the bag make-up post.

Nor am I showing the blogosphere the bags under my eyes. (ahem!)

It hadn’t dawned on me that most of my make-up is Arbonne because I have purchased it one or two items at a time from McDaddy’s sister over the course of the past year. She is, by the way, my sister-in-law, but for the sake of clarity I thought I’d call her McDaddy’s sister).

Sheesh. How do I get so far off topic?

The details.

• Arbonne FC5 Nurturing Day Lotion with SPF 20
• Arbonne NutriMinC Repair - Corrective Eye Creme
• Arbonne Virtual Illusion Make-up Primer which I speak very highly of…
• Arbonne Mineral Powder Foundation with SPF 15
• Arbonne eyeshadow in Petal and Linen
• Arbonne Virtual Illusion Eye Definer in Hepburn
• Arbonne Dual Volume Mascara in black
• Arbonne brow waxin blonde
• Arbonne Cream Concealer - Light
• Cover Girl Super Thick Lash Mascara in very black
• Clinique soft-pressed powder blusher in Mocha pink (however it is clearly more brown than pink)
• Clinique lipstick in Guava Stain (my all time favorite lipstick)
• Clinique lip liner in Berry Nude

That’s whats in my bag! What’s in yours?

I’m off to find my McDaddy’s camera.