From Inmates to Playdates

I am so happy to report that all manner of Christmas decorations have been stowed away in our loft for another year and my big, blue, bloggy [BBB] chair is back in place at the McResidence. I am coming to you from the BBB Chair and tonight I thought I’d write a post about my funeral.

Yes, I said funeral.

I know you’re probably shaking your head thinking…. this girl is a bit weird, quirky and odd.

Actually, that describes me to the letter.

And, on top of that I am a control freak. So, while I’m still living and breathing, I thought I’d outline my wishes for my funeral. It is one final attempt to have full control over a life I no longer have. Wow! That’s a weird sentence.

That, and because one can never be too prepared.

First, I want the best coffin they make – perhaps mahogany.  Expensive, well sure… but, look at it this way. A coffin will be my absolute last gift. And you won’t buy anything else for me…. ever. So, please don’t be cheap when picking out my final resting place. My first choice would be a Longaberger Basket Casket, but if that is not available, then a top-of-the-line solid mahogany casket will be fine.

This one is perfect.

Remember, I said “solid” and “mahogany”, not “pressed” and “wood.”

When it comes to flowers, I prefer brightly colored gerbera daisies. And, sticking some candles in between the flowers will add ambiance.

Next, while I have mentioned in the past that I would like to be buried in orange, I have since then surveyed my closet and have changed my mind. There are four pieces of orange clothing in my closet and none of them are fitting for me to be displayed in all my glory at my last hoo-rah.

With that said, I would like to be buried in red. Red is an attention getter and I want attention on that day. I am going to have all manner of friends and family weeping over my dead body and I want to look good. And, for the sake of the mourners, I don’t really want to smell like ‘funeral home’ or a flower shop, so please give me a dash of Romance – my favorite perfume – by Ralph Lauren. If people are going to be standing over me, I don’t want to smell like corpse.
 
This next one is a biggie!

Please, please, please whatever you do…. do not display me in a funeral home where it smells of flowers and musk. I worship at Goldtown Community Church with my family. I want you to haul my hind-end right down Route 21 and roll me into the sanctuary. There is ample parking for the huge crowd that will surely be there and it is a beautiful place that is special to me.

Some folks will come just to see what this ole girl looks like dead, some will be there because we shared some good times and they care about me, and others…. will be there simply for fear that I will haunt them if they do not show up. Whichever group you fall into, I’ll go ahead and thank you now for your participation. Oh, and I’ll be sure to pass you up on the slim chance that there is something to the whole “haunting” thing.
 
The musical selections are important. I’d like piano or saxophone music played during my viewing. Something soothing – Kenny G or perhaps piano selections. I want people to feel welcome and comforted. The music will aid in this.  During my actual funeral I would like for our choir director or his son to sing,  ”It Is Well With My Soul” because, well… it is well. I would also like for someone (Chris) to sing “I Can Only Imagine,” because one can really only imagine what they will do when their day comes. I can’t imagine what it will be like, all I know is that I’m ready. For good measure, I’d also like a song from Casting Crowns sang (or is it sung?) because I triple love them.

Edited to include: I would also like “I’ve Had The Time Of My Life” from my favorite movie, Dirty Dancing because well, I have had the time of my life. (Thanks Ami for the suggestion – hey, you made my blog =)
 
Since so much money will be spent on that mahogany casket, please spend a little extra for a crypt. That’s right. No ground burial for me please. I do not want people walking all over me. I’ve had enough of that during my living years. Instead, I’d like to be inside. In the wall so I can be cool in the summer and warm in the winter. Preferably at eye level so my nameplate is easy to read.

I love life and I love my friends. I’ve lived a good life and I am ready to meet my maker. For that reason, please do not stand around with a somber look on your face. As you stand over me in my fabulous mahogany casket, smile at my red outfit and manicured nails (french, please), enjoy the smell of my sweet perfume… and think about our good times. In other words. Celebrate me!

Now, wasn’t that fun?.
 
What about you? Any special wishes your final hoo-rah?

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