From Inmates to Playdates

Ok. So.

If you are reading that title and scratching your head, let me just say that this post will not appeal to all of you.

In fact, some of you who might be first time visitors to ‘From Inmates To Playdates’ will know without a shadow of a doubt, that yes indeed, I am a little different. I have always been a little different.

This post will most definitely prove that.

For many months, I have been begging bugging a mortician friend of mine to let me watch an embalming.

Weird. But true.

A while ago, I was at home and received a phone call from him.

My mortician friend asked if I was available later that evening.

To watch an embalming.

Was I available? Sweet mercy.

Luckily, my dad was at my house at that very minute and he agreed to watch my boys.

I changed my clothes even though I had no idea what to wear to an event such as this and tried to prepare myself for the festivities.

I arrived at the funeral home unsure of what I had gotten myself into.

It was definitely a learning experience and if you are interested, you can read all about the gory details of embalming it here.

And, since Tuesdays is a post all about things I learned, I thought it might be fun to share some of  what I learned with you, my loyal blog fans.

I say it all the time people. This blog is about so much more than just cheap entertainment.

Ok. Off we go.

1. Embalming the human body takes a little more than an hour. (Probably less if you don’t have to stop and explain every. single. thing. you are doing to a weird gal who just happens to be standing over your shoulder asking approximately 3,617 questions.)

2. The mouth is wired shut during the embalming process using an injector needle. (McDaddy, please promise me you won’t let them wire me completely shut!) You may recall that I once had my jaws wired shut for eight weeks. It was not fun. At all. And the thought of my mouth being wired shut for the better part of forever is enough to make me crazy.

3. An artery (usually the carotid) is used to inject the fluid, a vein (usually the jugular) is used to drain away the bodily fluids.

4. The blood that leaves the body drains right into the sewer.

5.  Eyecaps (which look like contact lenses but have grooves on one side) are used to hold the eyelids closed.

6. After the arterial embalming, another process called cavity embalming is necessary to preserve the internal organs.

7. Cavity embalming is achieved using a device called a trocar.

[Side note: In my search for an image of a trocar, I found these earrings on a site called PushinDaisiesdotcom. That joint has the neatest gifts for funeral directors. They even have a shirt that says Support your local funeral director: DROP DEAD!]

8. As I watched my mortician friend, I prayed for the family of the person being embalmed.

9.  The face is shaved so that the make-up will have a more natural look.

10. The mortician also does the make-up.

11. Morticians must learn methods of embalming without the use of electricity in the case of a power outage.

12. Even though I have talked at length here on the ole blog about my funeral and my desire for a solid mahogany casket, I learned that a wood casket is only a good option IF you have a water-proof vault. [Did you hear that McDaddy?]

13. If you watch an embalming, there is a good chance it will stick with you for days weeks to come.

Okay.

There you have it.

Thirteen more things than you ever wanted to know about embalming.

Head on over to Musings Of A Housewife for more Things I Learned This Week posts, most of which will probably have nothing to do with embalming.

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