Dear Wal-Mart Manager Guy:
I am writing this letter as a service to you, and subsequently the patrons of your store there on the Corridor.
I visited your store this morning, and for the first time in forever at least seven years, I was able to enjoy all that the Mart of Walls has to offer in a relaxing atmosphere without the constant disruption of potty breaks, CARS aisle visits, and, answering for the 14th time why we cannot purchase the newest Power Wheels riding toy. In other words, I looked forward to an hour of bliss reacquainting myself with my home away from home after extensive renovations completed a short time ago.
First, I’d like to start by saying that the renovations at our neighborhood Mart of Walls make me smile. The bright blue signage does wonders for my OCD, and the airy openess of the ‘new set-up’ gives me a fuzzy, warm feeling inside. On top of that, I really appreciate the way all your peeps now wear a navy blue shirt. (I won’t tell Target y’all are copying the whole wear the same colored shirt thing.) Just know that it looks nice having all of your folks in the same color and the shirts make it easier to identify who can help me find things that are no longer where they used to be.
I’m wondering though about the gal at Register #14. You know the one with half of her belly hanging out of her navy blue shirt. Do y’all really permit belly shirts? If you do permit them, then shame on you. It’s not really flattering.
Or even acceptable.
Next, I’m curious why it is that someone on the Wal-Mart design team felt it necessary to design 36 check-out lanes if you are only going to open seven check-out lanes at any one time. I found this to be true more than once and each time your check-out lanes were about nine-crazy-people deep. I would like to propose that your managers have at least half of the check-out lanes open at all times. This single move would make a huge difference in the lives and minds of Wal-Mart patrons everywhere.
Lastly, can I make one final plea?
My sweet boys have looked at your assortment of CARS vehicles all. summer. long. They are looking for Giovanni. He is a friend of Snot Rod’s and he is not there at your store. There are 732 versions of Lightning McQueen, 4 versions of Mater, Snot Rod, Ramone, Fillmore, Doc Hudson, Sheriff, and Nitroade. Where in the name of pete is Giovanni? The last time we were all together in the CARS aisle, I asked my sweet boys where they saw Giovanni. My oldest son answered quickly, “At the Wal-mart in New Hampshire!”
In New Hampshire.
[Note to self: The next time you are in another state and your boys find a rare CARS die-cast car, BUY IT IMMEDIATELY!]
Can you tell me why the Wal-Mart in West Virginia cannot order and carry Giovanni like your counterpart in New Hampshire?
Forget the Rollbacks.
Y’all need to get on a roll and get some new CARS merchandise in your store.
Seriously. I look in that aisle every time I’m in your store and even did so today while my sweet boys were at school. I thought it would be a sweet surprise to find Giovanni.
It would have been more like a miracle.
Can you check into it for me?
I’d appreciate your attention to these matters.
Thank you kindly,
Julie From Inmates