A Hairy Situation

“How to give a haircut!”

As told by a random barber at Patrick Air Force Base.

Circa 2006.

Step 1: Attempt to talk to cute little boy with Mohawk so that he will feel comfortable with you. Watch in disbelief as his sweet smile turns to a sour scowl. Decide you will probably need back-up and a butt-load of patience.

Step 2: Secure all necessary equipment making for sure it is within reach because you will have to move fast.

Stealth, actually.

Step 3: Reassure little boy that it won’t hurt A BIT and IT WILL BE OVER BEFORE HE KNOWS IT.

Hope for the best.

Step 4: Before beginning, pose long enough for the crazy mama with a camera to take a picture of her angel’s first haircut. Shoot the breeze with the boy’s father because the crazy mama is taking 412 pictures for some unknown reason.

Step 5:  Say a quick prayer because as any barber knows it could go either way with a child’s first haircut.

Step 6:  Hold child’s head tighter. Secure your grip of the clippers because forheavenssake this child is a squirmer.

Step 7:  Determine this must be the most challenging haircut of all time. Vow this will be your last first haircut ever. Stoop down to get closer to the child. CUT FASTER paying little attention to how straight you are actually cutting the hair because AFTER ALL THIS CHILD IS NOT COOPERATING IN THE LEAST AND YOU JUST WANT IT TO BE OVER!

Step 8: Smirk at crazy mama as she entertains the little boy who is now smiling because you are no longer holding his head in a death grip.

Step 9: Exhale.

Step 10: Admire cute little boy with great haircut as you make your way out the door to find a stiff drink.

THE END.

Tagged as: Alex