Letters To Crazy People

I haven’t had a good rant for awhile, so you should have seen this one coming. I’m telling you people, the 36-year hormones do not play around.

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Dear Hampton Inn – Maysville, Kentucky,

Folks, your hotel staff was delightfully friendly and the beds, of course, were wonderful as always, but I must tell you that the temperature in the pool um, was a little much. We froze our patooties off, well, obviously the patootie is still there, but lets just say it was miserably cold. Please, on behalf of all of your future guests, please turn up the heat in the darn pool.

Sincerely,

A cold mama and her two shivering boys

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Dear West Virginia Humidity,

Enough. Is. Enough. Seriously. I have felt like a thanksgiving turkey roasting in my own juices for much of the summer. You and your BFF, heat, need to get a life and go somewhere else.

Hot and Bothered,

Julie From WV

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To Anyone Out There Who Still May Be Employed By Saturn,

If you are reading this, I would love for you to hang around for a bit. In fact,  you should click on the words “THE SATURN SKY” over in the ‘tag cloud’  and see just for yourselves, how often I mention your sweet little almost extinct ride. If there is one laying around, ANYWHERE, I’d love to take it off your hands. Pretty please with sugar and sunroof on top!

Crossing My Fingers,

The Crazy Mommy Blogger From WV

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Dear Hotmail,

While visiting your site a day or so ago, I discovered that you went all haywire and changed the layout of my inbox. Has it ever occurred to you that I don’t like change? Because I seriously don’t. The very least you could do is offer a few choices where layout and fonts are concerened. Choices. And fonts. Yes, I’d like that a lot.

Annoyed,

BehindBars

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Dear Steve Jobs,

You are a brilliant, innovative, inventor, yet, my beloved iPhone needs to be charged every couple of hours. Why is that?

Perplexed,

A loyal iPhone user.

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To The Guy Who Spoke To Me That Day At The Gas Station,

The reason “I looked familiar” to you is because you used to be in jail and I used to work there. Just so you know, I never offer up that information to folks who mention that I look familiar to them because where would the conversation go after that? Would we discuss what kind of activities you participate in? Would we talk about old times when you hung out in “B” Pod? Would you cuss me like you did back in the day because you didn’t get the visitation slot you wanted? See? There’s no good outcome. I sure hope you’ve got your life on track. Society does too.

Not So Fondly,

Counselor Mc.

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Dear Facebook Friends,

I just spent the better part of twenty minutes ignoring, blocking and deleting application invitations. For the record, I couldn’t care less about the nails or flax that you need. I do not care about any of those games, nor will I ‘click here’ to find out my stripper name, my Desperate Housewife name, or my angel name. I am not Bejeweled, Farkled, or interested in playing for fast money. I’m not sure how so many people have so much free time on their hands to play Farm Wars, Mafiaville, or Restaurantworld. All I really wanna do is share pictures of the McFamily and nose in people’s business.

Just keepin’ it real,

JKM

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To The Maniac That Drives The Silver Car On Our Street,

Pal, you need to slow yourself down and act like you have some sense. Every other resident of our street (well, except you and *Smiley*) has the decency to share the one-lane road and scoot over when necessary.  Have you ever considered the fact that you could cause an accident someday? Slow that car down. And your attitude, too.

The SAHM in the Minivan

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Dear Loyal Blog Readers,

On Tuesdays, I host a bloggy carnival called “What I Learned This Week.” I would love for you to join me because seriously having just four or five linkers each week gets old. I’m imploring (dramatic much?) you to join me on Tuesday for another great edition of WILTW.

Sincerely,

Julie From Inmates

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End Rant.

Tagged as: The Saturn Sky