Letters To Crazy People

It’s been awhile, but it’s time…

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Dear Mr. Kim,

You may remember me. A few days ago, while visiting the area, I brought my boys into your shop for a haircut. Within minutes, two women strolled through the back door and called the boys over. The youngest of the ladies began cutting Stevie’s hair. As she razored his head, he told her that she was hurting him. Still, the young lady continued cutting and razoring. When she was finished, he had welts on his neck and was almost in tears. First of all, I did not appreciate that she wiped alcohol on the welts when I pointed them out to her, nor did I like it when she tried to shrug it off saying simply, that he has tender skin. In nine years, this has NEVER happened. As a business owner, and that girl’s dad, you may want to get her under control and teach her how to cut hair before some mad mama breaks bad on her.

Ticked,

A Grumpy Mama Bear

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Dear Stevie and Alex,

If you leave a pack of Oreos lying around, they will disappear. I don’t know why. I just know that they do.

Love,

Mommy

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Dear Max & Erma’s,

Your Laredo Steak is delightful, and the ice-cream Sundae bar was, in the words of Stevie, a once-in-a-lifetime-ice-cream-opportunity. Y’all done good.

Thanks,

The Loud Family on the Patio

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Dear Julie,

Here’s an idea… Instead of just pinning those yummy food pics, how ’bout you actually try making them. 

Just a thought,

The girl with 94 pics on her “What’s For Dinner” Board with no idea how to fix any of it

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Dear Saturn Sky People,

I know y’all went belly up, or under or whatever and are no longer in existence, but surely there is at least one of you out there who might hit Google up every now and again just to see what people are saying. May I just say that whichever one of you designed the Saturn Sky, should be mighty proud. I’m going to go out on a limb here and claim to have been the #1 spokesperson for the SATURN SKY long before I owned one. And now that I do have one, I prattle on about the Saturn Sky even more. Please send my regards to the person responsible for designing it. With the exception of the location of the rear-view mirror controls, and the orange lights on the radio / dash-board which you cannot see in the daytime, I love it.

Sincerely, and with deep appreciation,

A Satisfied Post-Saturn Customer

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 Dear AT&T,

I have been a loyal customer for more than seven years. In our household we have two iPhones, two iPods, and an iPad. On the off chance that you’re keeping track, that is a lot of FREAKIN’ iDEVICES, which also means a lot of devices to keep track of. I was doing a fine job until last Saturday. ”What happened on Saturday, you ask?” Oh, I’m glad you asked. I received an e-mail for the AT&T Service team telling me that my automatic data renewal on my iPad was successful and that my account would be charged on my next bill. The only problem was that I purchased ONE MONTH’s worth of service for the iPad and had NO intention or desire to be signed up for automatic data renewal every single month. When calling to have the data plan removed from my bill, your customer service rep explained that in the seven hours since I had received the data renewal is successful e-mail I had used 2 MB of the 250 MB of the data plan, and that 1MB was the cutoff when determining whether or not the charge can be removed. This is not cool AT&T. Not cool at all. While I do love me some data usage on the iPhone, first of all, we have wi-fi at our house and would have not of had a need to use your freakin’ 2 MB of data at our place. Second of all, the iPad never left our house that day. So there. The fact is, you could SAY that I used all 250 MB in those seven hours and I would have no way to prove otherwise, but here’s the thing: the data was NOT used. And the second fact is, y’all just tried to punk me. Eventually, the supervisor “did me a favor” (bless her pea-pickin’ heart!) and applied the $14.99 to next months’ bill and removed the data plan from my iPad. Know this: I will not go down without a fight, so please, don’t try to punk me again. Mkay?

Aggravated,

The iPhone Queen

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Dear TLC:

Honey Boo Boo Child, really? I didn’t think it could get any crazier. That’s just until I saw a preview for Abby and Brittany. Dear goodness, y’all done took crazy to a whole ‘nother level. But I’ll tell you this, I’d watch that brand of crazy over The Kardashians any day of the week.

My DVR is set,

The TiVo Queen

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What would your letter to a crazy person say today?