If you’ve spent any amount of time around here this week, you’ve probably noticed a somber tone in my writing. While I try to keep things light around here (because let’s face it, people have enough of their own drama without coming here and reading about mine!) honestly, that’s just not possible all the time.
While I’ve danced around this subject for the past two weeks here on the blog, what I really want to
say scream from the top of my lungs is OUR LITTLE FAMILY HAS BEEN HIT WITH DEPLOYMENT AGAIN AND I AM NOT ONE BIT HAPPY ABOUT IT.
That felt good.
While we knew there was a chance he might have to serve another
sentence assignment, the news was still hard to stomach. There were tears at first. And then anger. And then more tears. And then OH MY GOSH WE HAVE TO TELL THE BOYS.
Oh, and our boys?
They are troopers.
They responded to the news by getting the globe and finding the location. And then, they talked about what all they would do for daddy while he was gone.
We each have different ways of working through the news, and I can honestly say that our boys, our sweet boys, handled the news better than I did. And if I’m being honest, I haven’t completely worked through the news because it is still like a fresh, open, raw wound. It is tough to work through news like this. There are little minor details that need to be worked out, like who will change the air conditioning filter while he’s gone, and then there are the biggies, like updating the power of attorney, and figuring out how McDaddy can balance the checkbook from half-way around the world so that me and my mad math skills don’t land us in the poor house.
Deployment feels a little different this time around because we have been through it once already, but when he delivered the news, it was as if he dropped a bomb in my lap. I was not expecting it, and just like the first time I felt angry and scared. I was angry because it feels like he just returned from Guantanamo Bay yesterday, and I was scared because, well, these are perilous times we live in. Over the past few months, McDaddy and I have talked extensively about his military career. He joined the WV Air National Guard when we were juniors in high school and so this is all we have ever known. Still, it is like unchartered waters because he is not going back to Cuba. And, unlike last time, we will not be able to visit half-way through.
That means for six L-O-N-G painful months, we will be apart. And as I sit at my keyboard with tears streaming down my cheeks, I am scared.
I’m scared about our boys getting sick or having an accident, because he is always the voice of reason.
I am scared for his safety.
I am scared because our boys need him to check their homework if they stand a chance at passing math.
And I’m scared that my emotional stability may not be up to this challenge.
And I’m angry.
I’m angry because our country is in a mess making this deployment necessary.
And if I’m being honest, I’m angry because there are servicemen who have never been deployed, yet, here we are for our second go-round in three years.
I know that probably sounds selfish.
And I’m sad.
I’m sad that my boys have to go through this pain again.
And mostly I’m sad that this man, this man I love with every fiber of my being will be all alone and away from everybody and everything that is familiar to him.
And that makes my heart hurt in a way that I cannot describe.
So, on behalf of our family, would you commit to praying for us? First, that God would prepare our hearts and our minds for this difficult time of separation. (Because honestly? I need it badly.) And secondly, and most importantly, please pray specifically for McDaddy’s safety while he is away from us.
I know that in times like this I have to trust.
But man, it is so tough when the mountain is so tall and you seem so small.
And so it begins…..