Cheap Entertainment and So Much More

I feel like its been a sweet forever since I last posted here on the blog. Sometimes life happens, and it’s necessary to back away from the computer and do some laundry.

Or get caught up on the DVR.

Whatever.

Anyway, during my brief hiatus, here’s whats been happening in this neck of the woods.

1. As PTA treasurer and fundraising chair at Stevie and Alex’s school, I had the job of overseeing the delivery and pick-up of 2,600 tubs of cookie dough on Thursday. Y’all, in case you were wondering, that is a heck of a lot of cookie dough. It’s actually $29,000 worth a whole gymnasium full. God bless the hundreds of parents who worked so hard to peddle massive amounts of cookie dough so that our PTA budget could be met.

2. If I used the word amazing, I would tell you that I had an amazing weekend! (How much you wanna bet McDaddy just rolled his eyes?) Four of my girlfriends and I took a little weekend road trip to the Tanger outlets in Jeffersonville Ohio. We took that place by storm on Saturday, and shopped until we almost dropped. If you’ve ever have the opportunity to spend a night away from home, you know that it takes some major work preparing the family for your absence. It’s a lot of work but totally worth it when you consider the possibility of getting to enjoy a meal – an entire meal – in peace and also have the day off from refereeing one or nineteen arguments.

Between the five of us, we filled the entire back of the Chevy Equinox with stuff.

Anybody with some sense would have moved that Lane Bryant bag to the bottom of the pile before snapping this picture, because when you travel with four skinny friends, it’s obvious whom the Lane Bryant bag belongs to.

(I’m sure hoping I used the right form of who/whom. I still get it confused with the whole he/him rule sometimes. And just for the record, I never ever use the word whom in everyday conversation because that would make me sound like a crazy grammar fanatic.)

It’s also worth noting that I spelled grammar wrong the first time around.

Thank the good Lord for spell-check.

I was absolutely tickled to death to find these at a primitive store and I can’t wait until they join the rest of my snowman collection – which will of course be after Thanksgiving because of McDaddy and his Christmas decor doesn’t come out until after Thanksgiving rule.

3. Stevie’s native American habitat is due today, and nothing makes me happier because we’ve spent a whole big bunch of time fretting over working on it. After seeing pictures of the other fourth grade Indian habitats on Facebook, I’m afraid the McHabitat looks like it belongs in the Chickasaw grass-house ghetto. And yes, I referred to the habitat as ours – because OH MY WORD ANOTHER FAMILY PROJECT! – but honestly, Stevie did most of the work himself. I can’t explain the relief I feel that the thing is due because its been like a black could over my head for the past three weeks. And I know y’all are anxious to see the finished project, but that would require me to get up from the couch, and honestly, I’m under a warm blanket watching Criminal Minds while McDaddy plays in my hair, and well, I just can’t bring myself to move under those circumstances.

4. During a brief break from the cookie dough madness, I had Thanksgiving lunch with Alex last Thursday. This year’s offerings were much tastier than last year’s, but that didn’t much matter because some genius forgot to order the pumpkin pie. Not sure if the lack of pumpkin pie was due to the healthy school lunch initiative, or the pumpkin pie is not in our budget initiative. Either way, I couldn’t help but think of the sad state of affairs and the shape this world’s in when we can no longer offer a small processed piece of pumpkin pie with Thanksgiving school lunch.

It’s unfortunate that you can’t see the turkey on Alex’s hat. It is adorable and he was mighty proud of it. I suppose that’s what happens when you ask a six-year-old to snap a picture. Honestly, I was more concerned that he’d drop my beloved new iPhone 5 in the mashed potatoes than I was with him getting a quality, focused, centered picture for the blog.

5. Can you see that front tooth? In the school lunch picture, it was hanging by a thread. Or a root. Or whatever it is that holds a tooth in your gums. My biggest fear was that it would come out while eating and he’d swallow it. Not so much because he’d have a tooth rolling around in his bony little body, but basically because I knew that such a fate would require me to dig through his poop for seven to ten days until I could verify with certainty that the thing had passed. I also envisioned him getting hit right square in the mouth with a basketball at his game on Sunday, and well, that scenario didn’t play out well in my head either because BLOOD, lots of BLOOD on the high-school gym floor. Thankfully, as we were leaving church yesterday evening, he agreed to let our friend Mitzi put that tooth out of its hanging misery, which in turn put my mind at ease. (Which is no small task, let me assure you.)

She is the best tooth puller I know and I was relieved that he allowed her to pull it.

I know you’re thinking I should have made him put a shirt on before snapping this picture of his first missing tooth, but it didn’t dawn on me at the time. What can I say except that he’s a redneck who sleeps without a shirt on?

And now, he’s a snaggle tooth redneck who sleeps without a shirt on.

But I suppose things could be much worse.

Especially if he had swallowed that tooth instead of pulling it.

And I’ll leave you with that thought and this brutally honest and nasty tip (what are friends for, right?):

If your child accidentally swallows a foreign object that must be retrieved, the best method for retrieval is to purchase a dollar store colander. Scoop the poop from toilet into the colander. Pour VERY HOT water over the poop and wait as the water runs out of the colander and back into the toilet. The VERY HOT water will also break down the poop and provide a clear view of any foreign objects that might surface. Once the crappy job is completed, throw the colander away and give your child a long talk about putting foreign objects in his/her mouth.

I saw it all the time people, this blog is about so much more than just cheap entertainment.

Have a great Monday!

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