Letters To Crazy People

Yup, you guessed it.

Another edition hilarious edition of Letters To Crazy People.

Why?

Well, because the world is full of ‘em.

And, because those same crazy people are actually raising children, which means – you guessed it! – even more crazy people.

Off we go….

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Dear Crazy Parents in the Mexican Restaurant sitting at the table across from us,

Your screaming kid is a nuisance. While I completely understand that from time to time, children decide to have an all-out fit in a restaurant (I should know because I had a kid who was a pro at it!) and it may take a few minutes to get little Johnny calmed down, you should understand that the patrons in the restaurant were there trying to enjoy a quiet, relaxing dinner. When Alex was a toddler, his favorite thing to do was throw a big, hairy fit almost as soon as we were seated at a table. McDaddy and I spent many a dinner holed up in the car with our sweet angel while the rest of the family enjoyed their meal in the restaurant. It took some doing, but eventually, we got him out of the fit throwing in public. If you do not get control of that behavior, you will not be able to take Johnny anywhere by the time he is five or six. Please, on behalf of the 30+ people trying to enjoy a night out and a good meal, take your screaming maniac OUTSIDE next time.

Sincerely,

The Patrons at Los Agaves around 6 pm last Monday night

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Dear Crazy Parents Raising Kids to be brats,

I could seriously write a 1,483 word letter to this crazy bunch. Where are we as a society, when responsible adults encourage, allow and accept that their kids are bullies and brats? I would suspect there are many of you out there in this category who would never admit they are a card-carrying member of this club. Heck, maybe you don’t even realize you hang out here. Rest assured, that the rest of us know who you are. We also know who your kids are. And we don’t want them around our kids for any amount of time, because, well, to be honest, we don’t want that type of behavior to rub off. What happened to ‘treat others how you want to be treated’ or ‘do unto others’, or ‘if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything’ or ‘ be kind to one another’? Honestly, one of the toughest issues for parents is talking to our kids about being kind to others, even those who are not nice. Because, in reality, it would be easier to tell our kid to punch your kid in the face. Instead, we hold our tongue, encourage our kids to be kind to everyone, and wait for some bigger brat bully karma to work its magic.

Best Wishes,

Parents Doing Their Best To Raise Respectful, Kind Children

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Dear People Who Use #Hashtags on Facebook,

STOP.

IT.

What started out as something so simple – #love, #vacation, #cats – (thanks, Twitter!) and even fun is now nothing more than #sentenceswithoutspacesyo! a bunch of letters crammed behind a pound sign. I mean, I do understand their purpose on Twitter and I even thought the hashtag was a great idea for those who tweet. But, that was long before the general public decided it was perfectly acceptable to turn #summer into #chillinonthebeachforthenextweek or #fitness into #imdownfivemorepoundsthankstopx90orwhateverthenewestfitnesstrendisthisweek. Seriously, the hashtag gets on my nerve.

In anticipation of your valued non-character response,

The Girl Who Despises Hashtags

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Dear Unnamed Son of Mine,

I realize that your iPod going dead is an aggravation. That generally happens when you play it on and off for three days and neglect to charge it. I know it makes me the meanest mother on the planet, but , no, you may not play on my phone. There is a reason it’s called an iPhone and not an UsPhone.

Peace, Love and Pogo Sticks,

Your Momma

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What would your letter to a crazy person say today?

Letters To Crazy People

It’s been one of those days. For that reason, it’s also time for another popular installment of Letters to Crazy People.

Dear Local School Officials,

When you send home an information sheet regarding a survey that will be administered to students later this week that uses the words, sensitive and material, you better believe I’m going to be all up in there asking to see a copy of it before it is presented to my kid. I don’t trust any of you jokers to do the right thing.

Sincerely,

That Parent

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Dear Rude Driver,

When you approach a construction zone on the interstate and see the “Right Lane Closes In 1 Mile” sign – that is YOUR CUE to GET OVER into the left lane. It is not time to speed as fast as you can in front of every other vehicle slowly and cautiously merging into the left lane and then expect those drivers FOLLOWING THE DANG RULES to let your sorry butt over, because I can tell you this: I will never, IN A MILLION FRIGGIN’ YEARS let you over.

You can take that to the bank.

Aggravated and Agitated,

The Gal Driving That Cute Little Saturn Sky That Refused To Let You Over This Morning

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Dear Taco Bell,

Your “I’m Ronald McDonald and I love Taco Bell’s new breakfast” commercial, is um, confusing, yet brilliant.

Amused,

Julie

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Dear People with the last name McDonald,

Who names their kid Ronald?

Curious,

Julie

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Dear FOX Television,

“I Want To Marry Harry”

Really?

I mean, is it really the Prince Harry?

So Excited,

Princess Julie

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Dear Crazy Person Driving The Blue Truck,

When hauling a truck-load full of junk (and that’s exactly what it was) you need to make sure you secure the junk, so that a hot water tank doesn’t shift and almost fall right off the back of your truck into traffic.

Strap Your Crap Down Clown,

The Poet

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Dear Alex,

I know that new glasses are exciting. And I get that you “can’t really wait” because WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU GOT THAT LOVELY TRAIT FROM? but you can rest assured that I will let you know the minute the call comes through saying your glasses are ready. There’s really no need to ask me every hour if I’ve heard from the glasses place.

I Love You,

Mommy

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Dear Julie,

When your eleven year old (WHO DOESN’T MISS A THING) tells you that his game is at noon on Saturday, and not at 6:00 PM, even though that’s what you have written on your calendar, you might recall that you are 40 and your mind is not as sharp as it used to be.

Yours Truly,

Julie

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What would your Letter To A Crazy Person say today?

Letters To Crazy People (Olympic Edition)

Dear Nathalie Pechalat and Fabian Bourzat,

When you use opening moves directly from the film “Dirty Dancing” in your figure skating routine to “Time of My Life,” – YOU. WIN. Period.

Thanks for putting a smile on my face,

A Dirty Dancing Fan from WAY BACK

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Dear Bob Costas,

I am so happy that your eye is all healed up. Although Matt Lauer did a fine job filling in for you, somehow the Olympics are just not the same without you.

Eye I appreciate you,

A Loyal Olympic Viewer

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Dear Apolo Ohno,

Speed Skating isn’t nearly as fun to watch without you in it. OHNO, it’s not! Enjoyed your commentary though!

Oh YES, I’m talking about you again,

Julie

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Dear NBC,

Y’all.

These stories you all run night after night always bring tears to my eyes. The Russian adopted gal, the Canadian skier and his disabled brother with cerebral palsy, the young female snowboarder who was instrumental in bringing the half-pipe to Olympics, Steven Holcomb’s cornea problems, and OH MY WORD, I could just prattle ON AND ON AND ON with these stories. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for bringing us these special moments.

Writing this through tear-filled eyes,

One Highly Emotional Gal

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Dear Johnny Weir,

MY MY MY. Why not just add a “D” to the end of your name and call it a day?

Your wardrobe choices were over the top and the weave, well, the weave was funky.

I guess I just don’t get it.

Shaking My Head,

A Fashion Consultant Wannabe

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Dear Slovenia,

Your lime green and turquoise color scheme is simply beautiful. I would love to have a jacket and matching toboggan like those worn by Slovenia ski fans, only without the whole Slovenia name on them.

Can somebody hook a girl up?

Crossing My Fingers,

A bright, cheerful girl from USA.

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Dear International Figure Skating Committee,

There HAS TO BE a simpler way to score figure skating so that we ice skating fans could better understand it.

Math has never been my strong suit, but I think that even I could come up with something a little less complicated.

Can one of you get on that before PyeongChang, please?

Thanks so much,

An Olympic Figure Skating Fan

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And with that, the 2014 Olympic Winter Games are finished.

Have a great week, y’all!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Letters To Crazy People

Because I am in that kind of mood, I’m writing some letters to crazy people today.

Enjoy.

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Dear Crazy Neighbor,

As you are well aware, we live on a one-lane street. Slow your stupid self down before you cause an accident. Oh, and as an added bonus, you could try smiling while you do it.

Sincerely,

The lady in the big blue truck that you just about ran off the road yesterday.

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Dear McDaddy,

You will be glad to know that I have finally mastered the art of taking the Silverado through the drive-through lane at the bank without hitting the bank.

So, there’s that.

You’re Welcome,

Your lovely wife

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Dear Elf Haters,

Why?

Perplexed,

An Elf Owner

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Dear Facebook “Friends,”

It has come to my attention that some of you live absolutely miserable lives. Life is too short for that nonsense. Seriously, just be happy. (Unless you’re turning 40 in a week, and then, I might understand.)

Your “Friend” [at least for now]

Julie

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Dear Thirty-Nine,

No use hanging on. You have worn out your welcome and it’s time to say your goodbyes. I will be there in less than a week.

Excitedly,

Forty

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Dear Forty,

I gave her the best years of her life. Really, I did. It’s going to be tough to leave this ol’ gal. We’ve had a great time together. Be good to her.

Sad and Depressed,

Thirty-Nine

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Dear McHottie McDaddy,

You make 40 look good.

So glad you’re mine,

Your younger wife

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Dear Mother-Nature,

This almost-seventy degree weather is glorious. In fact, it wouldn’t hurt my feelings if I never saw another snowflake for the rest of my life.

Loving You This Week,

Julie

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What would your “Letter to a Crazy Person” say today?

Letters To Crazy People

Because it’s been w-a-y too long since my last installment of Letters to Crazy People….

Dear Baseball Coaches,

If your team is ahead by more than 10 runs, you should BY ALL MEANS instruct your team to knock off the taunting and the clapping.

Sincerely,

An aggravated bookkeeper

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Dear Miss America Audience Members,

What exactly is Vemront, anyway? Get your letters in the right order, ding dongs.

Signed,

An Amused Viewer

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Dear Julie,

The next time there is painting to be done up in this house, you should make for darn sure you choose something besides oil-based paint.

Just a Thought,

Your Big Dummy Self

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Dear FOX Sports Commentators,

Before commentating a West Virginia University football game, you should do your homework. West Virginia University is located in Morgantown, WEST VIRGINIA, not Western Virginia. You truly are a crazy person.

Yours Truly,

A Proud Mountain Mama

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Dear McDaddy,

There are some things that even I won’t share on the blog. But you do make me laugh.

I Love You,

Julie

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Dear Bath and Body Works,

You hit your mark with the Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin candle. My house smells divine!

Yum!

A loyal customer

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Dear Crazy Neighbor,

It is comical to me that you are complaining about our brick mailbox to another neighbor. When we moved up on this hill, your peach of a daughter refused to allow McDaddy to turn around on your property, which meant he had to drive the largest moving truck available at the U-Haul off of our hill IN REVERSE. Maybe you should try being kinder.

Sincerely,

Well, you know who I am

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What would your letter to a crazy person say today?