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I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.

Psalm 130:5

As we entered our little church on Good Friday, the lights were dim and the sanctuary was silent. The sign on the door read, “Enter humbly, worship deeply.”

We approached the communion table and then made our way down the center aisle to our seat.  Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus was softly playing through the speakers and as I listened, I thought about that fateful day.

“What shall I do, then, with Jesus who is called Christ?” Pilate asked. They all answered, “Crucify him!” Matthew 27:22

It was Good Friday and our church was having our annual Tenebrae Service.

The word ‘tenebrae’ is Latin for shadows, or darkness. The purpose of the Tenebrae service is to recreate the emotional aspects of the crucifixion. For that reason, this is a solemn service. The purpose of the service is to recreate the betrayal, abandonment, and agony of the events.

In the end, it is left unfinished, because the story isn’t over until Easter Day.

There are seven purple candles burning and one white candle.

As each reader made his way to the microphone to narrate their part of the crucifixion story, weeping can be heard throughout the sanctuary. After each reading, the reader snuffed out their candle until eventually only the white candle (which represented Jesus) was shining.

And when they had mocked him, they took off the purple robe and put his own clothes on him. Then they led him out to crucify him. Mark 15:20

The readers, many of who were emotional and crying recounted scripture leading up to Jesus being brutally beaten and ultimately dying on the cross. The last reader, (McDaddy) began reading Psalm 22 which Jesus quoted on the cross. When he finished, he snuffed out the white candle. A single drummer pounded on a snare drum and then a final crash of the cymbal.

When he had received the drink, Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit. John 19:30

The sanctuary was left in total darkness—and near total devastation.

There was no benediction.

There was no talking.

Our church family departed in silence with heavy hearts.

But, the story is far from over…..

And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the Scriptures.  I Corinthians 15:4

He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Matthew 28:6

Without Easter, we would not have victory in the Christian life. A popular Easter hymn – “Because He lives” – reminds us that we can face tomorrow.  Because He live, we have victory. Because He lives, we have eternal life through Jesus. 

I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end He will stand upon the earth. Job 19:25

Because He lives, we have a hope and future.

Keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life. Jude 1:21

And most of all, eternal life.

Because He lives.

Come now, let us reason together,” says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. Isaiah 1:18

A year ago today, McDaddy left for a six-month deployment in Cuba.

Today, I am thankful for togetherness.

… Rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.  

 Colossians 2:7

For this week’s edition of Fresh Year, Fresh Start, we are asked to share what God has pressed upon us regarding how to train, discipline, disciple, and teach the precious treasures we have been entrusted with.

And man, is it a difficult job at times.

There are days when I’d just as soon pull my hair out as to brush it.

There are days when I question if I have this parenting thing down. And there are days that I am sure that I don’t.

For a fresh year and a fresh start, I need to start with me. The best way to “teach” or “train” my children is to “live” it in their presence. My sweet boys do not miss a lick.

Hear me?

I said they do not miss a lick.

When McDaddy and I are talking about things or situations, their ears are 100% tuned in.

Sometimes days or weeks pass before they ask me a question regarding a conversation that I thought they were not paying attention to.

They are also pretty quick to question my motives and behaviors just as I would question theirs.

Whether I’m driving in the car, talking on the phone to a salesperson, or interacting with them, it is important to watch my behavior, and my mouth.

Oh sweet mercy. The mouth.

If I made a list of my faults (and believe me, it would be a long one!) my mouth would be at the top of the list.

My mouth is a serious source of trouble for me. Especially with my kids.

The second that some sort of nonsense flies out of my mouth, I am reminded of Psalm 139:4 that says, “Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.” And by that time, it is too late.

The Holy Spirit is quick to speak to me about my mouth and reminds me to try to be better the next time. What can I say? I am a work in progress. Thanks to forgiveness, I get a fresh start everyday.

About a year ago, our six year-old told me a lie. Knowing that this was a very important life lesson, I sent him to his room so that I could think about how to handle the situation and how I should discipline him. I opened my Bible to find a verse about lying. We sat down with his Bible and talked about Psalm 12:22 which says, The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful.

We also discussed Psalm 34:13 that says ”Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies.” I believe he understood the words in the verse and the importance of living it. We talked at length about lies and how they get us into trouble. I had a tough time believing that my little one would lie to me, but it was an awesome opportunity to talk about lying as a sin.

And the we talked about forgiveness.

I am thankful that I am forgiven even though I am a work in progress.

This post is linked to Run the Earth, Watch the Sky‘s Fresh Year, Fresh Start series.

Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe. Hebrews 12:28

Every November, I start my search for a new calendar. And if you know anything about me, you know that I am very particular about my calendars. I carry one in my purse and keep on in our kitchen. I have also started keeping a third calendar on my iPhone but have not yet been able to abandon the little calendar in my purse. It is a chore keeping the three of them in sync.

Each year, I look at my blank calendars and smile.

And wonder.

I wonder about the 365 possibilities that are ahead. The days that are unwritten. The days that will make up the next year of my life. The days that will bring joy, heartache, grace, hope, sorrow, and love.

I wonder what the year will hold for me and my little family. Me, my boys, and my sweet hubby!

I wonder where I will be in a year.

Will I pray more? Will I trust more? Will I read His word more? Will I be a better wife? Will I be a better mother?

It is my goal to be better.

I have 365 chances to be better and everyday I will strive to be better than the day before. Everything that really counts  is worth the extra attention. Being a good parent is important to me. Being a good wife is important to me.

Last year our family was separated for six months. My hubby was deployed. It was a tough time for all of us. There were days that I was bitter. There were days that were lonely. There were days that were simply okay. It wasn’t easy, but by God’s grace we made it through. This year, I am thankful for togetherness. And I vow to be a better wife because I want to be better. McDaddy and I completed the Love Dare recently. A 40-day dare that strengthened our marriage and forced us to examine our own lives and motives. It made us better as individuals and as married partners.

My relationship with Jesus, above all else, is worth the extra attention. When my relationship with Jesus improves, all the other relationships will fall into place.

I will keep “looking unto Jesus” (Hebrews 12:2) and I will strive to be better for HIS good.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Hebrews 12:1.

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This post is linked to Fresh Year, Fresh Starts over at Run the earth, Watch the sky!

All to Jesus I surrender;
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In His presence daily live.
I surrender all,
I surrender all;
All to Thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

As I sang along with Selah in my van yesterday, (without kids, mind you!) I found myself singing this song. A song that I have sang hundreds of time in church. Yesterday though, the words struck a chord with me. I stopped singing and really listened to the words. After the song was over, I was still thinking about its words. I’ve had something on my heart for the past ten days or so and I’ve prayed and cried out to Jesus, but feel like my prayers are not being heard.

Or answered for that mattered.

I replayed the song and as I listened to the words of this song, I asked myself do I REALLY? Surrender All?

I mean, I DO pray.

And I DO try not to worry. (I’ve made huge strides here with Jesus’ help, but I’ve got a ways to go!)

And I DO want to surrender it all.

Sometimes I feel like Jesus needs my help in solving a problem or answering a prayer. You know, because HE IS so busy and all.

Sound familiar? Or, am I standing alone in this line?

Ten years ago, I worried myself silly over stupid things that I had absolutely zero control over. I’ve really come a long, long way, but sometimes I feel like I’m standing back there on that road again, all alone worrying myself about some of those same things I worried about before Jesus got a hold of me and shook me real hard and reminded of the scripture in Matthew 6:27 that says, Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

Worry is not from the Lord.

It is, in fact, sin.

Worry creeps up and it creeps in and before you know it, your mind and your thoughts are no longer centered on Christ, the author and finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:2). They are centered on what you can do to take care of the problem, fix the situation, or change the way people think. Instead, we need to look toward Christ.

Matthew 6:34 says, Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Man, that is so true.

Both of the verses in Matthew really speak to me. Especially at a time in my life when I shouldn’t concern myself or worry about things that I cannot change. I am 36 years old, and still, I worry.

I need to make some obvious changed. I need to pray a little longer and work a little harder to eliminate the worry from my life. In other words, I need to SURRENDER ALL OF IT. 

ALL of the worry and ALL of the strife.

And that’s my fresh start for this year.

All to thee, my blessed Savior!

I really DO surrender all!

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If you’d like to read more posts from those participating in the Fresh Year, Fresh Start series, you can visit Kristi at Run the Earth, Watch the Sky.

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.  

1 Peter 2:9 

Who am I?

That the Lord of all the Earth

Would care to know my name,

Would care to feel my hurt.

Who am I?

That the bright and morning star,

Would choose to light the way,

For my ever wandering heart, Not because of who I am,

But because of what you’ve done,

Not because of what I’ve done, but because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow,

A wave tossed in the ocean,

A vapor in the wind,

Still you hear me when I’m calling, Lord you catch me when I’m falling,

And you’ve told me who I am.

I am yours. I am yours.

Who am I?

That the eyes that see my sin

Would look on me with love

And watch me rise again.

Who am I?

That the voice that calmed the sea,

Would call out through the rain,

And calm the storm in me.

Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
‘Cause I am yours.
I am yours.

 To hear Casting Crowns sing their song, click here.

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

1 Peter 2:9

 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.

Romans 12:10