From Inmates to Playdates

Posts Tagged ‘Broken Jaws’

Ok. So.

If you are reading that title and scratching your head, let me just say that this post will not appeal to all of you.

In fact, some of you who might be first time visitors to ‘From Inmates To Playdates’ will know without a shadow of a doubt, that yes indeed, I am a little different. I have always been a little different.

This post will most definitely prove that.

For many months, I have been begging bugging a mortician friend of mine to let me watch an embalming.

Weird. But true.

A while ago, I was at home and received a phone call from him.

My mortician friend asked if I was available later that evening.

To watch an embalming.

Was I available? Sweet mercy.

Luckily, my dad was at my house at that very minute and he agreed to watch my boys.

I changed my clothes even though I had no idea what to wear to an event such as this and tried to prepare myself for the festivities.

I arrived at the funeral home unsure of what I had gotten myself into.

It was definitely a learning experience and if you are interested, you can read all about the gory details of embalming it here.

And, since Tuesdays is a post all about things I learned, I thought it might be fun to share some of  what I learned with you, my loyal blog fans.

I say it all the time people. This blog is about so much more than just cheap entertainment.

Ok. Off we go.

1. Embalming the human body takes a little more than an hour. (Probably less if you don’t have to stop and explain every. single. thing. you are doing to a weird gal who just happens to be standing over your shoulder asking approximately 3,617 questions.)

2. The mouth is wired shut during the embalming process using an injector needle. (McDaddy, please promise me you won’t let them wire me completely shut!) You may recall that I once had my jaws wired shut for eight weeks. It was not fun. At all. And the thought of my mouth being wired shut for the better part of forever is enough to make me crazy.

3. An artery (usually the carotid) is used to inject the fluid, a vein (usually the jugular) is used to drain away the bodily fluids.

4. The blood that leaves the body drains right into the sewer.

5.  Eyecaps (which look like contact lenses but have grooves on one side) are used to hold the eyelids closed.

6. After the arterial embalming, another process called cavity embalming is necessary to preserve the internal organs.

7. Cavity embalming is achieved using a device called a trocar.

[Side note: In my search for an image of a trocar, I found these earrings on a site called PushinDaisiesdotcom. That joint has the neatest gifts for funeral directors. They even have a shirt that says Support your local funeral director: DROP DEAD!]

8. As I watched my mortician friend, I prayed for the family of the person being embalmed.

9.  The face is shaved so that the make-up will have a more natural look.

10. The mortician also does the make-up.

11. Morticians must learn methods of embalming without the use of electricity in the case of a power outage.

12. Even though I have talked at length here on the ole blog about my funeral and my desire for a solid mahogany casket, I learned that a wood casket is only a good option IF you have a water-proof vault. [Did you hear that McDaddy?]

13. If you watch an embalming, there is a good chance it will stick with you for days weeks to come.

Okay.

There you have it.

Thirteen more things than you ever wanted to know about embalming.

Head on over to Musings Of A Housewife for more Things I Learned This Week posts, most of which will probably have nothing to do with embalming.

It’s Thursday and that means another clever edition of Thursday Thirteen.

It’s time for the Letter O.

Let’s get this thing going.

1. OLIVE GARDEN – One of my favorite restaurants. I ALWAYS order spaghetti with meat sauce. And, I always eat more salad and bread sticks than I should.

2. OCEAN – The McFamily is currently in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. The water is breathtaking.

3. OFFROADING – One of McDaddy’s favorite things to do in his heap (ahem, I mean Jeep).

4. OATMEAL – Brown sugar and cinnamon please, with a piece of toast to dip in it.

5. OUTLAW – As in the Dancing Outlaw. If you have never heard of the Dancing Outlaw, I would suggest you go to YouTube and check him out. He is from wild, wonderful West Virginia. He is definitely wild, but not sure about the wonderful part.

6. OFFICE – The Longaberger Home Office is one of the most unique buildings I have ever seen.

7. OCCUPATION – Before becoming pregnant, I was a correctional counselor in a jail. This was my last day in that capacity. I miss my jail friends.

8. ORTHOGNATHIC SURGERY – Otherwise known as Operation-fix-my-overbite – When I was a senior in high school, I had corrective surgery to fix my overbite. My jaws were broken and wired shut for eight weeks. Sweet mercy, can you believe I survived? The first few days after surgery were tough, but it was worth the pain.

9. OUTBACK – I love to eat at Outback. Unless I’m feeling frisky and try something new I always order Victoria’s Filet. That Victoria sure knows how to make a mean filet. And, I love, love, love the side salad. Their croutons are delightful!

10. OLYMPICS – I am an Olympic junkie. My favorite events are swimming, gymnastics, ice skating, beach volleyball, trampoline, diving, speed skating and bobsledding. I wish they were held every year. Oh, and just in case you hadn’t heard, Michael Phelps is my boyfriend.

11. ORGANIZATION – I am big on organization. Yesterday, I made the mistake of attempting to organize all of the photos in my photobucket account into individual folders. I should have left well enough alone because once you move a photo from its original location on photobucket, the link changes and it leaves a big white “IMAGE HAS BEEN MOVED OR REMOVED FROM PHOTOBUCKET BOX” in the place where the picture was. If you are looking at Vintage Inmates To Playdates and you see the big white stupid box instead of a real picture, please bear with me. It will take me a few days to restore all of my photos into their respective posts. GRRRR….

12. ORANGES – Not worth the mess.

13. ORGAN – I hope to save a life one day. If all else fails, I am an organ donor.

Short and Sweet.

Thursday Thirteen.

The Letter J.

Off we go.

1. Jelly – I prefer grape, but will also eat strawberry.

2. Jaw - I had extensive orthognathic surgery to correct a serious overbite. Both of my jaws were broken, repositioned and wired shut for eight weeks. Sweet hallelujah, can you believe I survived.

3. Jeans – I was never a big fan of jeans until I found the perfect jeans at Dress Barn. It seemed that in order for them to fit my hips (ahem!) they were always to big around the waist. Westport Jeans fit as if they were tailored for me. (Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a picture of them on-line anywhere!)

4. Jewelry – Two words. Love. It. I have always loved jewelry. I wear 2 rings, a watch, a bracelet and two pair of earrings everyday. If I’m feeling frisky, I also wear a necklace. I would love to be one of the thirteen women sharing a necklace. It is a beautiful piece of jewelry and an incredible story. In my opinion, a girl can never have too much bling. I love this ring.

McDaddy: If you are reading this, please note that the aforementioned piece of bling would make an awesome 11th anniversary present! It’s called a 3-stone anniversary ring

5. Juice – I’m not a big fan, but I do have a glass of orange juice upon occasion. My boys LOVE apple juice. It is their favorite drink.

6. Jimmy – Meet my daddy! I am a daddy’s girl and I appreciate my dad so much. He sometimes comes to my house just to “hang out” with us since my hubby is gone. My boys love their papa!

7. JEEP – I know McDaddy will be expecting to see this one. Here’s a picture of his heap (ahem! I mean JEEP).

And, it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t add this JEEP picture…

8. Jury - I’ve been called to Jury Duty on two different occasions. I wanted to sit on a murder/mayhem jury, instead I got insurance malpractice. Still, I took my civic duty as serious as I could at the ripe age of 20 years old.

9. Jesus – There is so much I could say… My Redeemer. My Savior. My Friend. My Help in time of trouble. I will meet Him someday in Heaven!!!

10. Jump - I have a world-class jumper living in my house. His name is Alex and without fail, he will find the highest point of any piece of furniture so that he can “make the biggest jump ever!”

11. Jive – Boy, would I love to pull one of those out. I am a big fan of Dancing With The Stars and if I had my pick, I’d do the jive with this cat….

Can you say hot? I think we would we look great doing the jive together?

12. Junk – I have my share of it. Could get rid of a truck-load and still have more. Just thinking of all the junk around here makes me want to get busy and get rid of it.

13. Jackdaw – You wouldn’t believe how difficult it was to come up with 13 “J” things. I had to hit up my friend, Google because I didn’t want to use January, June or July. I thought Jackdaw was a fun word. A jackdaw is a little black bird.

Listen folks, you just never know when you might find yourself on Jeopardy needing to know what a jackdaw is.

Enjoy your Thursday, ya’ll!!!