Wet T-Shirt Contest

Well, if that title doesn’t grab your attention, I don’t know what will.

I’ll let y’all know how many visitors stop by Inmates via Google for searching for something to do with a wet t-shirt. I suspect there will be plenty. More on the wet t-shirt contest in a bit.

Last week, I mentioned I was attending a ladies retreat. Fifteen women from my church (and one visitor) enjoyed a weekend of food, fun, and fellowship. Oh, and did I mention food?

It is interesting to note that the retreat started at 5:00 pm on Friday and ended at 5:00 pm on Saturday.

Did I mention there was fun, fellowship and FOOD?

Oh internets.

We ate and laughed and ate some more. We talked into the wee hours of the night about fashion, shoes, our kids, the new cherry Dr. Pepper, and Deb’s yummy no-bake cookies.

The theme was “Garden of Friends” and everything was centered around flowers. Our retreat was based on this book by Penny Pierce Rose. Basically, each presenter was assigned a flower and we presented the flower based on its characteristics and related them to friends in our “garden of friends.”

A Garden of Friends: How Friendships Enhance Every Season of Life

I was assigned the sunflower. I love sunflowers. I have them all over my kitchen. I love sunflowers both for their size and their color. There are three characteristics of a sunflower. They stand strong, they seek the sun (Son), and they sow seed. In my garden of friends, I have several sunflowers. McDaddy is a sunflower.

As each flower was presented, we were to think about the qualities of the flower and write the names of friends in our “garden” that had the same qualities of the flower being presented. After each presentation we placed the post-it notes bearing the names of our friends on the flower that they represented.

As you can see, we have lots of Violet friends. Characteristics of the violet are humble, unselfish, go out of their way for others and often work behind the scenes. McDaddy is also a violet. (He is a great friend to have!) 

We also made these cute candle holders / coaster / whatever you want to use them for things.

We also made a picture frame, but for some reason I didn’t get a picture of those.

Anytime we have a shin-dig, I am in charge of games and entertainment.

I could just sit and read my blog to them, but I’m guessin’ that would get old. So, I try to real hard to come up with some great games and some great prizes.

The first ice-breaker we played involved those a snack pack of M&Ms. Each lady opened their snack pack and had to answer a number of questions based on the color of M&Ms that were in their pack.

Red = tell 1 fact about your childhood per red candy

Green = tell 1 fact about one of your hobbies

Blue = tell 1 fact about one of your job

Yellow = tell 1 fact about your dreams and aspirations

Brown = tell 1 fact about your last vacation

Orange = tell about something you like to do

It was a fun way to learn about each girl and as you can see from my snack pack, there were 18 M&Ms in the pack. It took a sweet forever for fifteen girls to get through 18 or so M&Ms.

After we went back to the “lodge” for the evening, we played a couple more games and then I made a grand announcement.

We were having a wet t-shirt contest.

Instructions – fold a t-shirt and place it in a ziplock bag. Fill the ziplock bag full of water smoothing the air out as you go. Repeat with a different t-shirt in a different ziplock bag. Freeze both ziplock bags. Remove the ziplock bags and announce that you are having a wet t-shirt contest. The first team to thaw their shirt and wear it wins.

First, you can try running warm water over it. 

 

 Just for fun, you might try cracking the ice on the side-walk.

 

Next, pull like crazy! 

Finally, wear it!

It was loads of cold fun!

Like I said, there was food, fellowship and lots of fun!

Right To The Point. Or Not!

There’s a lot of excitement and hoopla on the facebook about football starting this week.

I couldn’t care less about football unless there is a party of people watching laughing and talking and plenty of food to eat. I follow the crowd and when they whoop and holler, I whoop and holler.

Otherwise, I know nothing of football unless you count the fact that I cross my fingers each week hoping like heck that Michigan Rich Rodriguez gets beat.  Because hello? Did you hear what he did to the West Virginia Mountaineers? It still fires me up to think about it.

West Virginians lovingly refer to the traitor him as Rich Fraudriguez.

ANYWAY.

In high-school, I spent countless hours on the football field because I was a band geek. I must admit, I really hate that term, because that implies that everyone on the field blowing a horn or banging on a drum is a geek. And, I for one, do not qualify as a geek. I know very little about science and I know even less about math. Unless I’m counting votes on the American Idol or figuring up the sale price of a great pair of shoes. Granted, the whole band uniform typically makes one LOOK like a geek, but that’s not to say that the person wearing it is a geek.

And, don’t even get me started on the horrid band shoes. That’s a whole ‘nother post. Seriously, someone out there should definitely design a fashion-savvy band uniform with a fabulous pair of shoes.

Anyway, what I was trying to say before I lost my place in the story (something that happens often if you know me IRL) was that I  knew nothing of football except half-time and kickoff because that’s when our marching band did our thing on the field. And, also, because after half-time I would make a bee-line to the concession stand for a corn-dog and an ice-cold coca-cola classic.

You can’t beat a concession stand deep-fried, almost burnt corn-dog slathered in ketchup and mustard.

Being on that field and looking up into the stands at the crowd of people was an exciting experience, however, I bet it was not nearly as exciting for me as it was the quarterback who broke away from the pack to lead his high-school team to a win. I just can’t imagine what that must be like.

Like I said, I know very little about football but I do enjoy a good bowl game party.

The last time I went to a bowl-game party, we enjoyed lots of laughs and some good eatin’ (That’s West Virginia slang for eating for those of you who may not be fluent in red-neck.) And, since I’ve mentioned eating more times that I want to admit in this post, lets get to the point.

Yes, as a matter of fact, there is a point.

It took us awhile to get here because sweet mercy I can talk like nobody’s business but we finally made it! If you’re still reading, I’d like to say bless your sweet soul. I realize I probably lost the majority of folks back at the whole ‘football starting this week’ bit. See, that’s just proof that you shouldn’t judge a blog-post by its opening line.

Where was I?

The point. Yes, the point.

My dip recipe.

Yes, I said all of that to talk about a dip recipe.

I wanted to join Boo-Mama’s Dip-Tacular extravaganza today and in order to do that I have to provide a dip recipe.

You should know that before preparing anything in my kitchen it must meet the following criteria.

  • fast
  • easy
  • fail proof

What can I say? I’m a simple girl.

Without further ado and seemingly endless rambling, here’s my dip recipe -

Cheesy Buffalo Chicken Dip

  • 15 oz. canned chicken (rinsed wel in warm/hot water) – you can also use boiled chicken then shred in a food processor.
  • 8 oz. cheddar cheese
  • 8 oz. cream cheese
  • 8-10 oz ranch dressing
  • 8-10 oz  Texas Pete, Franks Red Hot or your favorite buffalo sauce ( I actually use barbecue sauce because I am not a fan of hot sauce.)

Add the ranch and hot sauce to balance for the right amount of heat. The ranch counteracts if it becomes too hot, but the hot sauce “kick” makes the dip.

Mix everything together and melt in the microwave stirring frequently. Or you can bake at 350 until the cheese is melted. Serve with tortilla chips, celery and anything else you love to dip!

 

Thanks for stopping by y’all. 

I’ll be camping with my fellas and 12 other families this weekend! It’s a pretty safe bet I won’t be talking about football, but it’s a sure thing that I’ll be eatin’ some good food and wearing some fabulous shoes!

Head over to Boo-Mama for more yummy dip-taculal recipes and probably a lot less rambling.

One Of Those Days

Exactly one month and one day ago, I blogged about a dump truck.

Today, I am mentioning the dump truck again because OHMYWORDITWASWORSETODAY!

Without going into too much detail, my day started with an appointment at a particular Doctor that may or may not use a dump truck in her examinations.

Or at least it felt like a dump truck.

The procedure that was done one month and one day ago will sadly have to be repeated. Today’s procedure was worse than the first. The party, held in my honor was painful.

But, that’s all I’m going to say about that.

You are welcome!

In addition to that, I feel like I could pluck my eyes out with forks because SWEETMERCYTHEYITCHLIKEMAD.

As if that’s not enough, my sweet Alex has some sort of Summer Snot Croup that is causing fever, lack of appetite and sluggishness.

And if you know anything about Alex, you know that is not normal.

I busted out the nebulizer tonight, but I fear it was probably too late. I fully expect to be making a trip to the Dr’s office tomorrow. I am hopeful that I’m wrong.

McDaddy had planned a nice weekend for the two of us as a sort of late anniversary get-away, but sadly, it does not appear we will be able to slip off for the weekend. So, as you might guess I’m a little blah today.

Not my usual shiny, happy self who enjoys talking about the Saturn Sky and reality TV.

I’ll do my best to use what little bit of energy I have left to discuss the injustice taking place in Retail America.

Because you know, every now and again we need to actually learn something around here.

While shopping for school clothes last week with my sweet boys, I was again reminded of the meager offering in the boy’s department.

The girls department is filled with all manner of frills, sparkles, lights, hearts, dogs, bears, cats, stripes, polka-dots, plaid, short, long, tie-dye, hot pink, light pink, medium pink, barely pink, not pink at all and any other color you can imagine. Oh, and need I mention those hoochie mama Bratz doll shirts?

The boys department offers stripes, sports, CARS or super-heroes.

Seriously, it’s a disgrace.

The shoe department plays the same discrimination game.

I saw 437 pairs of little girl shoes that had me drooling and wishing that my baby-bearin’ days weren’t over.

Most of the stores we visited in our quest for the perfect tennis shoe for my boys did not offer EVEN ONE STINKIN PAIR of tennis shoes that fit my proverbial bill (easy to get on, elastic in lieu of strings for Alex, NO velcro, and affordable.)

After making our way to nine stores, we found these

And another pair just like these, except with red trim for Alex. I was thrilled because Stride Rite happened to be in the midst of their Buy-One-Get-One-Half-Off sale which means I was able to sqaunder some cash because mama needs some new shoes, too! The new shoes made Alex talk non-stop about how excited he is to start pre-school.

That boy loves shoes. I’m not sure where he gets that from.

Somewhere out there in Retailville, there is someone with the power to even the playing field.

Mamas like to dress little boys cute, too. Can I get an Amen?

I just don’t get it. It’s all very frustrating.

We did get a post-card from Stevie’s 1st grade teacher in the mail  today. She has big shoes to fill because his Kindergarten teacher was the best. (I had originally written the bomb, but erased it because I’m in my mid-thirties and shouldn’t be using the word ‘the bomb’ to describe a member of the teaching profession.) I hope he has another great year. His teacher, Mrs. P. happens to be the cousin of one of my best buddies and the teacher that I requested for my sweet boy just after being elected PTA President because hello? Shouldn’t being the PTA President have its perks?

Other than that, the day is almost done.

McDaddy is watching Bones.

Surprisingly I have never watched that show. As you might guess, they are talking about all manner of embalming a human body.

Which interests me because I am a freak weird like that and because I recently watched an embalming. It is a really cute show. Cute because I have laughed out loud several times. Not like Criminal Minds where I sit here on pins and needles wondering ‘who done it’ and hiding my eyes when they show the victim.

Unfortunately, I’d rather dig my eyes out than hide them.

OHMYGOSHTHEYITCH.

Ok, that’s all.

I apologize for all the randomness.

Enjoy your weekend, y’all.

The Pool, The Gyno and The TiVo – Not Necessarily In That Order

I had an exciting day.

I have been on the go from the minute my feet hit the floor and now I am draggin’ my wagon.

The morning started out like every other one this week. Stevie is attending a week-long music camp and that means I drag myself out of bed before draggin’ him out of bed and preparing some sort of breakfast which may or may not be totally nutritional depending on whether he chooses a poptart or a bowl of oatmeal.

Once he left, Alex and I had to make a trip into town (I say that as if we live 50 miles from town) to get his glasses fixed. Apparently when a three year old who wears glasses is running full throttle across the yard, trips and falls face first, there’s a pretty good chance that his glasses will probably not survive fit properly. Thankfully, my dad was able to use a pair of pliers from McDaddy’s toolbox to bend them enough so that they would stay on his sweet, scratched-up face. I thought it best that we have them checked out because the nose piece appeared to be slightly bent and on top of that it seemed like the proper thing for a mother in my shoes to do.

We arrived at the eye Doctor’s office to discover a sign on the door that said, “Insert name of eye place here will be closed July 3 – July 10, 2009 for staff vacations.”

Nice.

I had a gyno appointment scheduled in less than an hour and had made arrangements to drop Alex off with my favorite Mother-In-Law. We drove to MIL’s house and I tried to mentally prepare myself for the party that was being planned in my honor at Dr. D’s office.

Lucky me.

I won’t go into detail but I will say that I had no idea the gyno used a dump truck in certain medical procedures but I’m sure it had to be a dump truck because OHMYGOSHITHURTSOBAD!

Wow.

Just wow.

After that, I headed home to pack a bag so that I could accompany Stevie to fun-day at the water park with all of his new music camp friends.

Folks, can I just pause right here to assure you there is nothing like leaving the gyno after a dump-truck procedure and heading to the pool.

Nothing, I say.

Within minutes of arriving at the pool, I was following Stevie up the stairs to the water slides.

Which would have been great fun except for the fact that the slides required me to climb 42 stairs.

And catch him as he came down the slide before he went under the water in the three-foot pool.

Multiply the 41 steps by the 317 times we climbed the stairs.

And that equals something like one million.

Or a million and one.

I’ve never been good at math.

Suffice it to say, I am worn out.

But we had a marvelous time in spite of the dump-truck procedure I had just endured.

The loud speaker blared the whole day and it didn’t dawn on me until an hour into the gig that every song that played reminded me of a time “back in the day!”

It was like I was in high school riding in McDaddy’s vintage Buick Electra or my vintage Buick Regal all over again.

It’s been years since I’ve heard Mariah Carey belt out “Emotions,” Bell Biv DeVoe sing “Poison!” or Meatloaf sing “I’d Do Anything For Love!” Fun times, folks.

Unfortunately I don’t have any pictures from the day because I wasn’t willing to sacrifice the integrity of McDaddy’s fathers day my camera in the case that the camera was accidentally dropped or you know, splashed. And to be honest, the camera was the last thing on my mind after the dump-truck procedure.

And as if that wasn’t enough excitement for one day, I found a treasure on my DVR.

Big Brother Season 11 premiered tonight, AND, I discovered that while I was in New Hampshire, ABC decided to rerun the Top 13 night of American Idol in honor of MJ. My boyfriend, Kris Allen is rockin’ out to “Remember the Time!” and I’m thrilled to be reunited with Simon’s smirk and Adam’s guyliner.

Yee-Friggin-Haw!  What a way to end the night.

In the words of Randy Jackson, enjoy your Friday, dawg!

Searching For Stuff

I actually typed this post several weeks ago and filed it away for a rainy day.

Or in this case, for a day when my laptop decided to lay down and die.

Did you hear me?

I said the words. Laptop. Lay down. And die.

In the same sentence.

I am sitting here ready to burst out into uncontrollable sobs at sister-in-law’s desktop hammering out a prelude to this post and somehow  I feel like the mere mention of my laptop woes may somehow bring the thing back to life. 

I’ve done all I know to do.

Which includes unscrewing all of the little hatches on the back of the laptop blowing the dust out and replacing them. (That sentence alone is probably making McDaddy shudder!)

And while I did feel like some sort of techno genius, I’m sad to say. Still no laptop.

So, I wait with eager anticipation for an e-mail from McDaddy that I thankfully WILL be able to access from my iPhone that will surely include instructions about what to do to make it all better. Because that’s what McDaddy does. 

He fixes things.

Until then though, I’ll release this post out into the blogosphere from SIL’s desktop and hope like heck that McDaddy can give me something that will aid in my fixing this thing.  Hey McDaddy! If you’re out there, give me a call.

Pretty please.

————

I am constantly amazed at the things that people type in the search window at Google to land there at front door here at Inmates. It happens to be one of my favorite things about this little blog.

It’s been quite some time since I’ve done one of these posts, but some of these are just too good to pass up. I sometimes laugh out loud (I am not a fan of the LOL thing by the way!) as I read them in my feedjit window.

Let’s start with this one from West Covina, California….

West Covina, California arrived from google.com by searching for neighbor keeps insisting on a playdate after i’ve already said no.

  • Hello West Covnina. Stick to YOUR guns. If the neighbor child is not your first choice of a playmate for your sweet angel, then employ whatever methods necessary to put the smack down on their continual requests.

Baltimore, Maryland arrived from google.com by searching for funeral home dead body what happen.

  • What’s up? Baltimore. A month ago, I could not have answered that question. However. My mortician friend invited me to watch an embalming and I can tell you with certainty that you probably do not want to know. If you are a freak curious person like me, you can check it out right here at Inmates in a post titled What I Learned At The Funeral Home. That should tell you all you need to know.

Kingsland, Georgia arrived from google.com by searching for unleashing your wife’s freak.

  • Kingsland, you are making me blush. I’m not sure why you are attempting you unleash  your wife’s freak, but might I just say, Rock on! I hope that something you read here at Inmates gave you some great ideas for achieving your tasks. (I’m sure my sweet McDaddy is smiling just thinking of the possibilities!)

Navarre, Florida arrived from google.com by searching for FASHION FOR STAY AT HOME MOM AGE 35.

  • Greetings Navarre. I would love to be able to say that you’ve come to the right place for fashion tips. However, I keep it real around here. For that reason, I must warn you that my fashion expertise is limited to Tommy Hilfiger t-shirts and Yoga pants. If that’s what your in the market for, then I’m your gal. If not, then you might want to visit Big Mama’s place. She is a fashion guru and could probably give you some fantastic fashion advice.

Gilbert, Arizona arrived from google.com by searching for paper gown at the gynecologist.

  • Hello Gilbert, Arizona. I am chuckling because I clearly remember the post I wrote about my experience at the gyno. I’m still not real clear about why you’d be searching for the words paper and gown and at the gynecologist, but then again, why do any of us search for what we do when we’re going down Google Ave? (I do KNOW that I use way too many run-on sentences.) Hopefully, you got your questions answered. Please feel free to stop back at anytime.

Brooklyn, New York arrived from google.com by searching for milia self extraction successful.

  • Hi! Brooklyn. What’s up? In the past few weeks, another milia sucker has popped up. I was pretty sure I would attempt to extract the thing myself but the more I’ve thought about it, the more hesitant I am to use a sharp extraction tool on my face. I’m thinking that I should probably just call the dermotologist. However, if you are gung-ho on the self-extraction, here’s the tool you will need. Be sure to stop back by and let me know how that goes for you, would ya?

 

Stony Brook, New York arrived from google.com by searching for what was the word that paula stumbled on in the top 11 2009.

  • Hello my new American Idol friend in Stony Brook, New York. What are you trying to go clog up my friend, Google? We all know that Paula makes up words and stumbles over words. Its one of the reasons I watch AI. If my memory serves me correctly though the word you are referring to is authenticity.

Montclair, New Jersey arrived from google.com by searching for Why do flowers smell like a funeral?

  • Howdy Montclair! Is it just me or do I have more than my fair share of funeral related posts? Flowers often remind me of a funeral home too, and in my humble opinion the funeral home stinks. For that reason, I have left specific instructions for McDaddy to purchase the a solid mahogany casket haul my hind-end out the road to our lovely little church so that I can be displayed in all of my dead glory instead of the stinky funeral home when my time here on earth is done. And no, that is not a lot to ask when you’re speaking of one’s last wishes.

Ayr, South Ayrshire arrived from google.co.uk by searching for acrylic nails breastfeeding.

  • Whoa. South Ayrshire. You got me there. Not sure I’ve ever included those three words together in a post but I guess anything is possible.  I hope your nails look fabulous and that your having a successful run at breastfeeding. It can be a little tough at first, so hang in there. You should know, however, that the girls will NEVER be the same.

Gainesville, Texas arrived from google.com by searching for suddenlink phone service always down.

  • Gainesville, Texas! Welcome to Inmates. Before I get started on this rant little tale, let me go grab a picture to show you.

 

Those happen to be two Suddenlink trucks and that also happens to be my driveway. You can’t tell it from the picture, but this is two of four trucks that paid me a visit one Spring day in an attempt to fix my internet connection.

I spent precious hours of my life that I can NEVER get back dealing with Suddenlink’s internet mess. The Suddenlink man in my area probably spent more time at my house than he did his own, HOWEVER, a sweet VP named Mr. A stumbled across my blog, read about my dramadifficulties and got his Suddenlink peeps on the stick. It took some time but eventually they were able to provide reliable service at the McResidence. I will not agree with them that the service is faster than Verizon because honestly, it seems slower than ever before in the history of our internet service, BUT, it is reliable and dependable. Once McDaddy gets back, I plan to have a meeting of the minds to determine if Suddenlink is indeed the best solution for our internet needs.

—–

See, I told you that would be fun.

Now, I’m off to perform another surgery on my poor, pitiful DELL laptop.

Wish me luck!