From Inmates to Playdates

Posts Tagged ‘Longaberger’

Before we left for our two-week vacation in New Hampshire, I thought it would be a good idea to wash my kitchen cabinets and counter tops off. I was armed with Clorox Kitchen cleaner, a magic eraser, and motivation. The latter always makes a job like that more thrilling.

As I was wiping, swiping and repeating, I noticed something peculiar in our snack basket.

The giant Hershey bar given to my boys at a recent Doctor visit had gnaw marks on it that were NOT the gnaw marks of a human.

Oh snap.

My mind started to race and I immediately dumped everything that was in the basket into the trash.

And then it dawned on me that a stinky, nasty mouse had been in one of my beloved Longaberger baskets.

Sweet mercy. It was all I could do to breathe.

I threw away most everything in my kitchen and refrigerator that day.

Then, I remembered that a mouse had been in my Longaberger snack basket and I went from grossed out to furious.

I might have murmured something like, “Oh no, he didn’t”  as if somehow I knew our pesky intruder was a male.

Doesn’t this rodent know I have a majorette rifle beside my bed?

A majorette rifle that I AM NOT afraid to use.

Even on a six-inch mouse.

Barbaric? Yes, maybe. But totally true.

Did I mention the mouse was in my Longaberger basket?

I continued on with my cleaning and silently thanked God that I had not seen the varmint with my own eyes.

Because I probably would have squealed so loud the thing would have a heart attack right in my kitchen.

Fast forward to last Sunday evening.

In preparation of having my carpets cleaned the following morning, I was clearing out all of the ‘sitting around on the floor’ stuff and I noticed a hole in one of our bedroom walls just above the baseboard. It was a little larger than a dime.

Seriously, it was the size a little larger than a dime BUT, there was three little mouse droppings black something or other on the carpet just in front of the hole.

YOUHAVEGOTTOBEFREAKINKIDDINGME.

When McDaddy left for this six-month deployment, I formulated a plan in my head to protect my children in the event that an unwelcome visitor was found in my home without permission or an invitation. Basically the plan was 1) Grab majorette rifle, 2) Bust intruder upside the head as hard as I could, and 3) Scream like a crazy person.

I was sure it would work.

I could picture these rats this mouse and all of his buddies partying like rock stars at all hours of the night, IN MY HOME MIND YOU, while me and my sweet boys slept the night away in our beds. I thought about my fail-proof plan and then immediately called for my dad to COME OVER RIGHT AWAY AND SET TRAPS TO GET RID OF THIS RAT!

He came armed with two traps and just like that he had the suckers in place and ready for the trapping kill.

Remember, I do not play when it comes to rodents in my house.

After a lengthy conversation with my boys about how and why the mouse traps are needed and why they should not touch them no matter what, I was questioned about their friends Mickey Mouse and Jerry the Mouse.

As I type this, one of the traps is sitting on my kitchen counter JUST INCHES FROM one of my beloved Longaberger baskets and the other is just outside of the dime-size hole in the wall.

I tried to explain to my daddy, that I have first-hand knowlege that this intruder prefers chocolate (we’d probably get along great if he wasn’t a mouse!), so I’m not certain the cheese will do the trick. What I do know is that I will never again leave a giant-size hershey bar in the snack basket because the mice? They love some Hersheys.

And I will make for darn sure that the majorette rifle is beside of my bed for easy access, you know, for protection.

I’m hoping the mouse trap and the cheese will work for me!

Stay Tuned….

And be sure to visit We Are THAT family for more things that might work for you.

It’s Thursday and that means another clever edition of Thursday Thirteen.

It’s time for the Letter O.

Let’s get this thing going.

1. OLIVE GARDEN – One of my favorite restaurants. I ALWAYS order spaghetti with meat sauce. And, I always eat more salad and bread sticks than I should.

2. OCEAN – The McFamily is currently in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. The water is breathtaking.

3. OFFROADING – One of McDaddy’s favorite things to do in his heap (ahem, I mean Jeep).

4. OATMEAL – Brown sugar and cinnamon please, with a piece of toast to dip in it.

5. OUTLAW – As in the Dancing Outlaw. If you have never heard of the Dancing Outlaw, I would suggest you go to YouTube and check him out. He is from wild, wonderful West Virginia. He is definitely wild, but not sure about the wonderful part.

6. OFFICE – The Longaberger Home Office is one of the most unique buildings I have ever seen.

7. OCCUPATION – Before becoming pregnant, I was a correctional counselor in a jail. This was my last day in that capacity. I miss my jail friends.

8. ORTHOGNATHIC SURGERY – Otherwise known as Operation-fix-my-overbite – When I was a senior in high school, I had corrective surgery to fix my overbite. My jaws were broken and wired shut for eight weeks. Sweet mercy, can you believe I survived? The first few days after surgery were tough, but it was worth the pain.

9. OUTBACK – I love to eat at Outback. Unless I’m feeling frisky and try something new I always order Victoria’s Filet. That Victoria sure knows how to make a mean filet. And, I love, love, love the side salad. Their croutons are delightful!

10. OLYMPICS – I am an Olympic junkie. My favorite events are swimming, gymnastics, ice skating, beach volleyball, trampoline, diving, speed skating and bobsledding. I wish they were held every year. Oh, and just in case you hadn’t heard, Michael Phelps is my boyfriend.

11. ORGANIZATION – I am big on organization. Yesterday, I made the mistake of attempting to organize all of the photos in my photobucket account into individual folders. I should have left well enough alone because once you move a photo from its original location on photobucket, the link changes and it leaves a big white “IMAGE HAS BEEN MOVED OR REMOVED FROM PHOTOBUCKET BOX” in the place where the picture was. If you are looking at Vintage Inmates To Playdates and you see the big white stupid box instead of a real picture, please bear with me. It will take me a few days to restore all of my photos into their respective posts. GRRRR….

12. ORANGES – Not worth the mess.

13. ORGAN – I hope to save a life one day. If all else fails, I am an organ donor.

It’s Thursday.

I have 4,728 things to do before I leave on tomorrow. I put a status update on my facebook page asking my friends to help me out with “L” words. I was impressed with some of their suggestions.

Here’s 13 things – from my friend, The Letter L.

1. LATE - Being late is one of my biggest pet peeves. If you are habitually late, you should by all means get started a little earlier. PERIOD.

2. LONDON – The first stop on our European tour. I would love to go back there someday.

3. LIGHTNING MCQUEEN – Oh sweet mercy. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t see this guy in some form. Underwear, sippy cup, shoes, Leapster game, shirts, cars, plates, socks, shampoo, gummies, you name it, Disney has designed a CARS version of it and in all likelihood the CARS version will cost more! I guess I should be counting my blessings that I have little boys who love this cute little car as opposed to those hoochie mama bratz dolls that little girls love.

4. LAS VEGAS – It always amazes me that Vegas is hoppin at all hours. There is just as much excitement at noon as there is at midnight. The last time I went to Vegas I stayed at The Tropicana in a murphy bed.

5. LAUNDRY – I don’t so much mind laundry, but I really hate to put it away. If I had these, I would love to do laundry. You know you are getting old when new appliances excite you.

6. LIMOUSINE – I have only ridden in a limousine on one occasion. I was arrested for the March Of Dimes and picked up in a limousine. I was taken to “jail” where I had to stay until I raised $500.00 in bail money.

7. LOTION – Last weekend on my Women of Faith trip, I was introduced to the best lotion ever. It will make your hands feel like silk. Thanks! Kim.

8. LOVE – I miss the love of my life. I am super excited to see him in two days. Here we are in 1997. We were engaged at the time.

9. LAKE POWELL – In 1993, we spent a week on a houseboat on Lake Powell. We did it again in 1995. It is the most relaxing vacation ever. The landscape was beautiful, and peaceful. I would suggest that you only do a Lake Powell Houseboat Vacation with people that you REALLY enjoy being with.

10. LUGGAGE – I am currently packing for an exciting trip. My luggage has seen a lot of action. It happens to be red.

11. LONGABERGER – I sell Longaberger and collect Longaberger baskets. I got hooked on Longaberger in 2000 and started selling in 2003. This set makes me happy. Mine sits in my kitchen. The top shelf holds a basket full of mail. The bottom basket is the snack basket.

12. LETTER – Guess it makes sense to include this word. I’m making my way through the alphabet every Thursday.

13. LIZARD – I have not mentioned McDaddy’s location on my blog. I can tell you though that these little scary nasty freakin gross boogers run wild. I AM NOT looking forward to seeing a lizard. The thought of seeing one of these makes me cringe. There is a really good chance that I will not make it back if one of these comes in contact with one of my body parts.

And how about this ugly thing? McDaddy reports they are all over the place too. Be afraid. Be very afraid. I am praying that God will spare me from seeing either of these while I’m there. Otherwise, I may have the big one.

Thanks to my facebook friends for offering up some great “L” words. I was pretty impressed and had to consult google to find out what ligase and lysosomes are.

Try these on for size.

Limburger, ligase, lysosome, Luci Swindoll, lithium (which I might need if I see either of those critters), level, lost, least, longevity, leftovers, letdown, lunch, and laughter.

Laughter. I like that. =)

I excel at wasting time.

I waste a bunch of time on the computer.

I waste time reading blogs.

I waste time on Facebook.

I am also a very busy gal.

I teach Pioneers at my church. I am head home-r0om mother for Stevie’s kindergarten class. I am a busy mom. I am a blogger. I am a military wife of a deployed soldier. I compile and print our church bulletin every week. I am the treasurer of the Easter Egg campaign at church. I am a friend. I am a Longaberger consultant.

In other words, I have a lot going on.

Because of that, it should come as no surprise that I am always looking for ways to save time.

Halfway through the school year, it dawned on me that I waste about 30 minutes everyday in the pick-up line at school waiting for Stevie. His class gets out five minutes earlier than the rest of the school because he is in kindergarten. I like to arrive at school early enough to find a parking place or else I have to get in the pick-up line which sometimes takes fifteen – twenty minutes. Which would also mean that my sweet boy has to stand in the cold or the rain until I reach the front of the line.

After a few months, I decided to make mad use of the time I spend waiting for him. I have compiled a list of things I have been known to do while waiting….

• Writing out thank-you cards.
• Compose a blog post on my laptop
• Write out my grocery list
• Return phone calls
• Check e-mail on my PEEK
• Write McDaddy a letter or card
• Study my Bible lesson
• Read a book
• Plan my next WFMW post

The next time you find yourself waiting, do something productive. You will be amazed how much you can get done while waiting.

Be sure to check out other Works For Me Wednesday posts over at We Are THAT Family.

Welcome to my humble abode. I’m so glad you are here. If you are one of my eight loyal blog fans, I appreciate you and hope you learn something about me you don’t already know. If you are new here, I sure welcome you to visit any ole’ time. I love company.

For starters, this is my blog. I started blogging in June, 2006 for myself and 200 of my closest friends on mySpace. Back in November, 2008 I decided to take the bloggy plunge and join the blogosphere. That whole Inmates to Playdates thing up there, that’s all true. Before hanging up my handcuffs to be a stay-at-home-mom, I was an inmate counselor at a Regional Jail.

I am 35 and I am married to McDaddy who happens to be the most patient man on the planet. He is a control systems genius engineer and also a member of the WV Air National Guard. He is currently deployed for six months where he is diligently protecting our butts, our freedoms and whatever else needs protecting at his current location. I talk about him often here at Inmates and I so proud to be his wife. I miss him terribly. Oh, and did I mention he is hot!

I have a six year old son named Stevie. He is a cool kid who loves Thomas, Lightning McQueen, Monster Trucks and his beloved DS. He is one of the sweetest kids I’ve ever known and I’m not at all just saying that because he is mine. He is thoughtful, polite and loving. (He’s also very smart but I don’t want to sound like one of those mothers).

I also have a three year old son named Alex. He has two speeds. Asleep. And wide open. It is comical to watch him in action. He loves to run, jump, climb and bulldoze. He also likes Thomas, Lightning McQueen, Monster Trucks and his Leapster. He is sweet, independent and cute as a button.

My boys are the joy of my life and I am thankful for the privilege of being a [stay-at-home] mother. Even though I always thought I would have a daughter, I am thrilled that the boys are the best of friends and wonderful playmates.

As my tagline says, I am a self proclaimed princess who gave up a career in corrections for stay-at-home-mom royalty. I have a truck-load of quirks and I am gifted in the art of conversation. Just ask anybody. I enjoyed my time in jail very much but I enjoy motherhood even more. I have recently began working out and lost 25 pounds in 30 weeks. I love the Saturn Skyand Reality TV. I am also a Longaberger consultant and scrapbooker.

This blog is like a bag of chex mix. Sometimes you get a boring ole raisin and sometimes you get the M&M. Either way, it is my life.

I have talked at length about my funeral, the fun I had while riding in a police car and even pap smears.

Some days I talk about my sweet boys, my hubby or my Jesus.

I do hope you’ll stick around for awhile. Feel free to look around and enjoy my daily dose of crazy. Believe me, there is plenty to go around.

Oh, and at the end of the awesome Ultimate Blog Party sponsored by the gals over at Five Minutes For Mom, I’ll be giving away a Longaberger purse, so be sure and leave a comment on this post.

Thanks for stopping by and do have yourselves a lovely day!

———–

And the winner is……..

Random Integer Generator

Here are your random numbers:

16

Timestamp: 2009-03-29 00:47:14 UTC

Congratulations, Beth! I will be contacting you by e-mail!

————

My prize choices would be – #58 – Kitchen Aid Mixer sponsored by Mom’s Who Think, #123 – Kohl’s gift-card sponsored by The Grotto, #118 – Old Navy gift-card sponsored by Manic Mother, #103 – Surprise Box sponsored by Monkey’s Momma, #91 – Target Gift Card sponsored by Mummy Deals, #89 – Gift Card to Home Goods sponsored by HG Openhouse, #19 – Target gift card sponsored by Shoot Me Now.

———–

A few weeks ago, Beth over at I Should Be Folding Laundry started a blog carnival called YOU CAPTURE. I have a good camera. It will do way more than point and shoot, but unfortunately I don’t know how to blow the whistles and ring the bells.

I’m trying. Really, I am.

This week’s challenge is texture. Simple, right?

Not so fast. This one was especially tough for me, because it was hard to get the camera to focus. GRRRR…

This happens to be one of my beloved Longaberger baskets [and my wrinkly thumb at the top].

I really tried to capture the texture. I hope you can see it.

Head on over to Beth’s Place at I Should Be Folding Laundry for more really cool texture prints.

If you are one of my 8 loyal blog fans, you know that today is an important day here at Inmates. Can you believe this is my 100th post? And what better way to celebrate than to tell you 100 things about me. Because you know, you may want to buy me something sometime.

Here we go!

1. I was born on a Tuesday
2. In December
3. Back in 1973
4. I was the youngest
5. Of three kids that included twin brothers
6. I was a loud child who talked constantly
7. And am still loud to this day according to some  most
8. My favorite year in elementary school was 6th grade and my teacher’s name was Ms. Brick
9. My childhood room was purple with a big canopy bed
10. I met my husband in high school
11. We dated for 4 years
12. We were engaged for 2 years
13. And have been married for 10 years
14. Which means we’ve been together for 16 years
15. If my math is correct, which in unlikely
16. Because I suck at math
17. I rarely use racy words on my blog, but might throw friggin’ and suck around everynowandagain.
18. I probably use way too many commas… what can I say, I like to think before I speak (ahem!)
19. Both McDaddy and I played the saxophone in our high school marching band.
20. We also both play piano
21. I love to travel
22. And have been to 31 states
23. We also took an awesome tour of Europe
24. And have been to Canada, Mexico and the Bahamas
25. We honeymooned in Gatlinburg, Tennessee
26. I was a May Bride
27. And we each had 7 attendants
28. I get bored easily
29. But loved planning my wedding
30. I am a military wife
31. My hubby is currently deployed
32. My hubby is my best friend
33. I have been to the Price Is Right twice but never got to COME ON DOWN!
34. I have touches of ADD and OCD
35. I have hiked the Grand Canyon
36. I am very impatient
37. But am married to the most patient man on the planet.
38. I have very serious opinions about my funeral.
39. Which is proof that I am a control freak.
40. In May, 2008, I started going to the gym 4-5 days per week. I have lost 24 pounds.
41. But would like to lose 26 more.
42. Which is why I had to break off my relationship with Little Debbie.
43. TiVo is the greatest invention of my time.
44. I like fonts.
45. I am not crazy about birds.
46. I am addicted to Facebook and mySpace and check them both several times each day… those darn status things are so interesting.
47. I am the nosiest person I know (which probably explains why I love the status things on facebook and mySpace so much!)
48. I drink way to much Dr. Pepper
49. I love Michael Phelps. In fact, I refer to him often as my boyfriend.
50. I have watched The Young and The Restless for over 20 years.
51. I am a reality TV junkie.
52. I listen to KLOVE all the time. (KLOVE is a Contemporary Christian station)
53. My favorite movie of all time is Dirty Dancing
54. I love Mexican food and always order fajitas.
55. The sight of guacamole makes me gag.
56. The only thing I craved during both pregnancies was water.
57. And now I drink about 4 bottles daily.
58. Both of my babies were born via C-Section and were high risk pregnancies.
59. If I were to hit the lottery today, I would make my way to the Saturn dealership and buy a 2009 Saturn Sky Redline.
60. I eat blue cheese on my salad.
61. I enjoy scrapbooking and have scrapbooked about 84% of my boys’ lives. (I totally pulled the 84% out of the sky.)
62. I don’t like Kathy Griffin
63. Not sure where the random thought about Kathy Griffin came from, but it’s true.
64. I am afraid to drive in inclement weather.
65. I don’t like any kind of berry unless your talking about a strawberry poptart or blueberry muffin.
66. I don’t like vanilla scented candles or vanilla body wash stuff
67. I hate to dust
68. I don’t really like using the word hate unless I’m talking about dust.
69. I desire to be like Christ. However, I fail daily.
70. I have a Psychology Degree
71. I breastfed both of my boys for a year
72. McDaddy and I have lived in 4 homes in 11 years.
73. I would like to save a life one day. If all else fails, I am an organ donor.
74. I should floss more often.
75. I am a big-time klutz
76. I will never use “LOL” -  I think it is silly and unnecessary.
77. So I use these  =)   a lot
78. I have used an iron maybe 3 times in my life and never with much success
79. I have not had an uninterrupted night of sleep in probably three years.
80. I often forget to write transactions in the checkbook.
81. This fact drives McDaddy nuts.
82. I do not like coffee and it always puzzles me when people question my drinking Dr. Pepper or coke for breakfast. It is caffeinated after all.
83. While McDaddy is deployed I plan to strip wallpaper and have carpet installed in our basement.
84. If I spent less time on MySpace and Facebook, I could have it done by now.
85. I can drive a stick shift
86. When I was a senior in high school, I had extensive oral surgery that included breaking my jaws and being wired shut for 6 weeks.
87. On top of that, I had 8 teeth pulled and braces and retainers
88. Needless to say, I have pretty (expensive) teeth
89. I have a sign in my kitchen that says “I kiss better than I cook”
90. And it’s true.
91. But I can make a pretty mean pancake.
92. I don’t like snow
93. But I collect snowmen
94. I have always liked my name
95. I love my inlaws
96. I love the new year because it means I get a brand new calendar to fill in
97. I have had acrylic nails for 13 years but I hate getting them filled
98. I have perfect vision after lasek surgery in August, 2007.
99. I sell and collect Longaberger baskets.
100. And, I love getting a new purse.
101. Which is why I’m having a Longaberger purse give-away today!

To enter, simply leave a comment on this post telling me one random fact about you. A winner will be chosen by the accounting firm of random.org on Monday, February 9th at noon. The contest is only open to US Residents. (Sorry to my international loyal blog fans.)

EDITED TO INCLUDE THE WINNER

The Winner of the Longaberger purse is…..

Random Integer Generator

Here are your random numbers:

10

Timestamp: 2009-02-09 20:09:53 UTC

 And the #10 Commenter is Darcie @ Such The Spot. 

Congrats! Darcie. Send me your mailing address and I’ll send some Longaberger Lovin’ your way.

In between bouts of dozing in my big, blue, bloggy chair, administering throat spray and wondering if I could feel any worse, I heard quite a bit about tomorrow’s inauguration.

I did not vote for President Elect Obama, however, I do pray for him and his family and hope that he will follow God’s leading when making important decisions and new laws for our great country.

I also have been thinking how excited his wife and girls must be to call the White House, home.

We’ve also heard a lot about change…. If I were President, there would definately be some changes….

• I’d start by doing away with the electoral college. Popular vote wins. Period.
• I would restructure the prison system in a way that would actually make use of inmates’ incarceration time. So many hours years are being wasted away by playing Uno. Put those fellas (and gals) to work doing something productive. There are so many things they could do to actually contribute to society.
• I would quickly do away with all bonuses received by CEO’s of these big corporations. It is senseless to give a 22 million dollar bonus. I don’t care who you are or how wonderful you are.
• I would grant tax relief to families who chose to have one parent remain at home as a stay-at-home-care-giver to children under the age of six.
• I would wear a tiara at all times.
• Drunk driving convictions would carry an automatic six-month driver’s license suspension. A second offense would be a one-year suspension. A third offense would give you a year vacation in the jail of your choice.
• I would get to the bottom of the gas prices.
• I would build a 6 car garage at the white house for the first dude, McDaddy.
• I would do my very best to keep Kathy Griffin off of the TV.
• I would make a urine test a mandatory requirement for welfare and food stamps recipients.
• I would open up the White House for blog parties.
• I would make being able to read a requirement for High School Graduation.
• I would decorate the White House with Longaberger baskets.
• I would make it illegal for any business to operate one of those computer generated answering systems. They would all be required to staff their phones with English speaking Americans.
• I would outlaw SPAM and then I’d create a special place for hackers.
• I would make it a law that all children with special needs be eligible for services and programs regardless of income (maybe some of the corporations offering 22 million dollar bonuses should be required to contribute.)
• Just as there would be a cap on CEO bonuses, I would also place caps on Sporting Salaries and require sporting teams to contribute to the special needs campaign, instead of rewarding players with 21,600,000. salaries (Yankees, are you serious?)
• And, last but not least, I would blog the presidency.

How about you? Any changes you’d make?

Have a great week ya’ll.

If you’ve spent any time nosing around here on my blog, perhaps you have noticed the feedjit box at the bottom of the left side bar. That little box is the source for all manner of interesting information concerning this blog.

My favorite thing about the Feedjit box is that it informs me how those of you who stumbled here from Google found ‘From Inmates To Playdates’. I am constantly amused by the things people type into the search window at my friend Google’s house.

Apparently, there is more than one way to find me on Google….

1. Joliet, Illinois arrived from google.com on “From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for ‘my wife flosses alot and buys alot of underware.’

• Welcome Joliet, Illinois. I hope you found what  you were looking for and much more here at Inmates. I should go ahead and confess that I don’t floss nearly as often as I should, and I rarely buy underwear.

2. Mc Rae, Georgia arrived from google.com on “A Wild Ride!: From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for ‘wildrides’.

• A shout out to my new-found friend in Mc Rae, Georgia. Welcome to you. I think you will agree that the Saturn Sky is one Wild, Sexy Ride. I might have mentioned really loving that car here, here and maybe even here. Oh yes, I am a wild and crazy girl.

3. Mission, Kansas arrived from google.com on “2008 November 19: From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for ‘shemar moore tackling unsub’.

• Yo, Mission Kansas… thanks for popping by. I do love me some sexy, fine Shemar Moore, especially when he is tackling the unsub. Criminal Minds happens to be one of my favorite shows. I used to work with criminal minds back in my working days. See, the whole inmates thing… it’s actually true.

4.  Springfield, Virginia arrived from blogsearch.google.com on “Free Advice With a Side Of Cheap Entertainment…: From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for ‘cheap forms of entertainment.’

• Hey, hey, Springfield, Virginia… this is about as cheap as it gets. Unless of course you want to pony up some coin for today’s blog visit.

5.  Central City, Kentucky arrived from google.com on “Clearing My Head And A Giveaway: From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for ‘leslee longaberger.’

• Okay Central City, Kentucky… you got me. I had no idea there was a Leslee Longaberger. Welcome to you though. If you were searching for the Longabergers you have to be a real sweet gal. Could I interest you in a Longaberger basket?

6.  Butler, Pennsylvania arrived from google.com on “Clearing My Head And A Giveaway: From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for
‘crazy longaberger lady’.

• Butler, P-A. Look no further, you have found the crazy Longaberger Lady. She wanted me to welcome you to her blog.

7. Quasqueton, Iowa arrived from google.com on “Food… for thought: From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for ‘ketchup is my vegetable button.’

• Quasqueton, Iowa… first let me say that I’m glad I don’t live in Quasqueton because I probably couldn’t learn to say it much less spell it. Second, I’d like to welcome you to my blog. Third, what in the world is a vegetable button and what could I have possibly said to match that search? Are you serious?

8. Terre Haute, Indiana arrived from google.com on “Clearing My Head And A Giveaway: From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for rotating christmas tree stand hows it works. 

• Welcome Terre Haute. I’m glad you’re here. May I offer a free piece of advice. Do not attempt to use a rotating Christmas tree stand if you have a 9 foot tree. There is a pretty good chance it will not be able to withstand the weight. I may or may not know that from rotating Christmas tree stand personal experience.

9.  Lisle, Illionis arrived from google.com on “Just Our Christmas Letter : From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for family christmas letter dirty.

• Nice. Real nice Lisle, Illinois. Thanks a bunch for that search. Again, not sure what I said to match up with that search, but party on!

10. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania arrived from google.com on “I’ve Been Expecting You! : From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for ‘jeep ornament.’

• Yo Philly… What’s up? Maybe I could introduce you to McDaddy. He loves his jeep and even belongs to a club called Jeepinwv.com (better known by me as The International Brotherhood of Jeeps). By the way, did you find that ornament you were looking for?

11.  Raleigh, North Carolina arrived from google.com on “From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for ‘prisoners who weave horse hair.’

• Well hello Raleigh. Over there on you’re right you’ll find the prisoners who weave horse hair. To your left, you’ll see the prisoners who are cutting the horse hair. And there at the front desk, you’ll find the warden who supervises it all. Did I mention I’m glad you’re here?

12.  Springfield, Illinois arrived from google.com on “Lightning McQueen : From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for “Lightning McQueen third birthday.”

• Hey Springfield, can I just say that as with every other room in my house, my blog would not be complete without some mention of that Disney Marketing Genius, Lightning McQueen. I could offer you all manner of Lightning McQueen cars… cactus Lightning, Bug Lightning, White Wall Lightning, Tar Lightning, Impound Lightning, Dinaco Lightning, Sponsor-less Lightning and probably some Lightnings that have not even been offered to the public yet. Shoot, we’ve spent enough on him to own the franchise, but I don’t figure Walt and his folks would agree with that.

13.  Peterborough arrived from search.live.com on “About Me: From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for ‘free dates.com with photos.’

• Peterbourough, I’d like to welcome you to my neck of the woods. Unfortunately though, I am happily married to McDaddy who is not into sharing his wife. Unless of course you are rich and have the means to purchase a Saturn Sky for the Princess. In which case, he might discuss it.

It is also interesting to note that the two posts yielding the most random visitors to my blog are Ghetto Martha Stewart and Just Our Christmas Letter. It appears people are anxious to read Christmas letters and find out how Martha Stewart goes ghetto.

Based on sheer numbers, it wouldn’t be right for me to leave these folks out….

A quick shout out to…..

Grand Rapids, Michigan who searched for Christmas letter from 1 year old. (He was 3 by the way).
Hopkinsville, Kentucky who searched for martha stewart spinning tree switch  (I didn’t know Martha made that thing)
Saint Paul, Minnesota who searched for Awesome Christmas letters (may I just add that Google did in fact send you to the right place)
Delta, British Columbia who searched for How to make ghetto icing.
Gratis, Ohio who searched for How to make Longaberger Peanut Butter Fudge (leave it to the Longabergers to find a way to market peanut butter fudge).

Thanks for visiting ya’ll!

Google, please keep sending those searches my way.

I appreciate you stopping by Inmates no matter how you landed here.

I am so happy to report that all manner of Christmas decorations have been stowed away in our loft for another year and my big, blue, bloggy [BBB] chair is back in place at the McResidence. I am coming to you from the BBB Chair and tonight I thought I’d write a post about my funeral.

Yes, I said funeral.

I know you’re probably shaking your head thinking…. this girl is a bit weird, quirky and odd.

Actually, that describes me to the letter.

And, on top of that I am a control freak. So, while I’m still living and breathing, I thought I’d outline my wishes for my funeral. It is one final attempt to have full control over a life I no longer have. Wow! That’s a weird sentence.

That, and because one can never be too prepared.

First, I want the best coffin they make – perhaps mahogany.  Expensive, well sure… but, look at it this way. A coffin will be my absolute last gift. And you won’t buy anything else for me…. ever. So, please don’t be cheap when picking out my final resting place. My first choice would be a Longaberger Basket Casket, but if that is not available, then a top-of-the-line solid mahogany casket will be fine.

This one is perfect.

Remember, I said “solid” and “mahogany”, not “pressed” and “wood.”

When it comes to flowers, I prefer brightly colored gerbera daisies. And, sticking some candles in between the flowers will add ambiance.

Next, while I have mentioned in the past that I would like to be buried in orange, I have since then surveyed my closet and have changed my mind. There are four pieces of orange clothing in my closet and none of them are fitting for me to be displayed in all my glory at my last hoo-rah.

With that said, I would like to be buried in red. Red is an attention getter and I want attention on that day. I am going to have all manner of friends and family weeping over my dead body and I want to look good. And, for the sake of the mourners, I don’t really want to smell like ‘funeral home’ or a flower shop, so please give me a dash of Romance – my favorite perfume – by Ralph Lauren. If people are going to be standing over me, I don’t want to smell like corpse.
 
This next one is a biggie!

Please, please, please whatever you do…. do not display me in a funeral home where it smells of flowers and musk. I worship at Goldtown Community Church with my family. I want you to haul my hind-end right down Route 21 and roll me into the sanctuary. There is ample parking for the huge crowd that will surely be there and it is a beautiful place that is special to me.

Some folks will come just to see what this ole girl looks like dead, some will be there because we shared some good times and they care about me, and others…. will be there simply for fear that I will haunt them if they do not show up. Whichever group you fall into, I’ll go ahead and thank you now for your participation. Oh, and I’ll be sure to pass you up on the slim chance that there is something to the whole “haunting” thing.
 
The musical selections are important. I’d like piano or saxophone music played during my viewing. Something soothing – Kenny G or perhaps piano selections. I want people to feel welcome and comforted. The music will aid in this.  During my actual funeral I would like for our choir director or his son to sing,  ”It Is Well With My Soul” because, well… it is well. I would also like for someone (Chris) to sing “I Can Only Imagine,” because one can really only imagine what they will do when their day comes. I can’t imagine what it will be like, all I know is that I’m ready. For good measure, I’d also like a song from Casting Crowns sang (or is it sung?) because I triple love them.

Edited to include: I would also like “I’ve Had The Time Of My Life” from my favorite movie, Dirty Dancing because well, I have had the time of my life. (Thanks Ami for the suggestion – hey, you made my blog =)
 
Since so much money will be spent on that mahogany casket, please spend a little extra for a crypt. That’s right. No ground burial for me please. I do not want people walking all over me. I’ve had enough of that during my living years. Instead, I’d like to be inside. In the wall so I can be cool in the summer and warm in the winter. Preferably at eye level so my nameplate is easy to read.

I love life and I love my friends. I’ve lived a good life and I am ready to meet my maker. For that reason, please do not stand around with a somber look on your face. As you stand over me in my fabulous mahogany casket, smile at my red outfit and manicured nails (french, please), enjoy the smell of my sweet perfume… and think about our good times. In other words. Celebrate me!

Now, wasn’t that fun?.
 
What about you? Any special wishes your final hoo-rah?