From Inmates to Playdates

Posts Tagged ‘my funeral’

Welcome to my little corner of the blogosphere. I’m so glad you’ve stopped by. If you are one of my eight loyal blog fans, I appreciate you and hope you learn something about me you don’t already know. If you are new here, I sure welcome you to visit any ole’ time. I just love having company.

For starters, I started blogging in June, 2006 for myself and 200 of my closest friends on mySpace. After deciding that me and this bloggy gig could be a happy couple, I decided to take the bloggy plunge and join the blogosphere. That whole Inmates to Playdates title? Well, let me just say that my title has nothing to do with me finding love in jail. Before hanging up my handcuffs to be a stay-at-home-mom, I was an inmate counselor at a Regional Jail.

I am 36 and I am married to McDaddy who happens to be the most patient man on the planet. He is a control systems genius engineer and also a member of the WV Air National Guard. He was recently deployed for six-months at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba where he diligently protected our butts, our freedoms and whatever else needed protecting . I talk about him often here at Inmates and I so proud to be his wife. Oh, and did I mention he is hot?

I have a seven-year-old son named Stevie. He is a cool kid who loves Lightning McQueen, Monster Trucks and his beloved DS. He is one of the sweetest kids I’ve ever known and I’m not at all just saying that because he is mine. He is thoughtful, polite and loving. (He’s also very smart but I don’t want to sound like one of those mothers).

I also have a four-year-old son named Alex. He has two speeds. Asleep. And wide open. It is comical to watch him in action. He loves to run, jump, climb and bulldoze. He also likes Lightning McQueen, Monster Trucks, Tom & Jerry, and his Leapster. He is sweet, independent and cute as a button.

My boys are the joy of my life and I am thankful for the privilege of being a [stay-at-home] mother. Even though I always thought I would have a daughter, I am thrilled that my boys are the best of friends and wonderful playmates.

As my tagline says, I am a self proclaimed princess who gave up a career in corrections for stay-at-home-mom royalty. I have a truck-load of quirks and I am gifted in the art of conversation. Just ask anybody. I enjoyed my time in jail very much but I enjoy motherhood even more. I love the Saturn Sky, Reality TV, and Dr. Pepper. I am also a Longaberger consultant and scrapbooker.

This blog is like a bag of chex mix. Sometimes you get a boring ole raisin and sometimes you get the M&M. Either way, when enjoyed together, it is a great mix.

I have talked at length about my funeral, watching an embalming and even pap smears. Some days I talk about my sweet boys, my hubby or my Jesus.

Although I realize you have a lot of stops to make, I invite you to nose around and enjoy my daily dose of crazy. Believe me, there is plenty to go around.

It was nice meeting you! I hope to see you soon! Many thanks to Household6 Divafor hosting this party for those of us who couldn’t make it to blissdom.

It’s time for another fun edition of Where Did You Come From?  Amused, as always!

Check it out!

1. Willmar, Minnesota arrived from google.com on “One Of Those Dreaded Christmas Letters” by searching for christmas letters that people have written.

• Welcome, Willmar! I’m so glad you stopped by! I hope you enjoyed my past Christmas letters. Yes, I am one of those people who send the annual Christmas letter. Don’t hate me. I do hope you’ll continue to drop in!

2. State College, Pennsylvania arrived from google.com on “Over My Dead Body” by searching for longaberger casket.

• Well, this proves that just maybe I’m not as crazy as I thought. State College, P-A, IF you happen to find a Longaberger basket casket, could you let me know, please? I have made it very clear to McDaddy that IF a Longaberger casket basket is not available, I want to be buried in the very best – a solid mahogany casket. Notice I said solid & mahogany, not pressed & wood. Oh, and if you’re interested, you can read all about my funeral plans, right here.

3. Deltona, Florida arrived from google.com on “God’s Word – From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for god’s promises for inmates.

• Hey Deltona, Florida, guess what? God cares for you and cares about you! Hold tight to His promises, cling to His word, and know that He will meet you where you are! I hope you seek Him during this difficult time in your life! 

4. Gresham, Oregon arrived from google.com on “Wow! That’s weird. – From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for child swallowed tip of plastic fork.

• What’s up, Gresham? I’ve never had a child to swallow the tip of a plastic fork. However. However, I suspect it’s just as crappy searching for the plastic tip of the fork as it is for a penny, which by the way my child swallowed. Ahem! Welcome to the crappy club, sister.

5. Indianapolis, Indiana arrived from bing.com on “Wet T-Shirt Contest” by searching for t-shirt wet contest.

• Seriously, this whole Wet T-shirt contest post has sent me tons of visitors on Google. Indianapolis, I’m sure you were disappointed about MY wet t-shirt post. There were 15 or so of us gals playing a game at a Ladies Retreat attempting to thaw a frozen t-shirt faster than the other team. Yes, as a matter of fact, we do know how to party!

6. Santa Cruz, El Beni arrived from search.yahoo.com on “2009 May” by searching for rotator flight out of gtmo.

• Hello Santa Cruz, I’m so glad you’re here! My hope is that you do not have a loved one deployed at GTMO. However, if you do, you should totally make the trip. Despite all that is happening there, it is a beautiful place. Me and my sweet boys spent a wonderful week there while McDaddy was deployed over there. Good luck to you!!!

7. Sylvan Lake, Alberta arrived from google.ca on “Stupid Cold Sores” by searching for stupid cold sore.

• Hello Sylvan, cold sores suck. Period. Oh, and their stupid, too.

8. Sacramento, California arrived from google.com on “Stupid Cold Sores” by searching for cold sores are stupid.

• Hi Sacramento, Ditto to you on the cold sores. Stupid. Sucky.

9. Ypsilanti, Michigan arrived from google.com on “2009 January 03″ by searching for personalized plates ideas saturn sky.

• Yikes, hey Ypsilanti (sheesh, that’s a tough one!). First, if you happen to work for GM and are searching for a personalized plate for the new Saturn Sky that y’all plan to giveme, please, let me give you some ideas – 1. TOPLESS (ha! sorry, I had to!), 2. My Sky, 3. Gr8Sky, 4. SxySky, 5. Gr8Sky, 6. SeeYa, 7. Blessed, 8. James4 2, or just anything at all you want to put on it would be fine with me! *crossing fingers!*  

10. Mandeville, Louisiana arrived from google.com on “Thursday Thirteen – 13 Vehicles We’ve Owned” by searching for how to bleed brakes for a 1996 toyota camry.

• Mandeville, Louisiana, I’m sorry to say that you probably didn’t find what you were looking for as I know nothing of the bleeding of the brakes. Now McDaddy on the other hand, he could tell you all you need to know about the brakes and the bleeding. Interesting enough though, I loved my 1996 Toyota Camry. It was a great ride.

11. Cincinnati, Ohio arrived from google.com on “Thursday Thirteen – Can “U” Do It?” by searching for What can u do with a spatula.

• Hi Cincinnati! Um, I must admit that I don’t do much with a spatula because I don’t spend any more time than necessary in my kitchen. However, my top uses for a spatula would be scraping mashed potatoes from the bowl or cake mix from the bowl. Unless you are McDaddy who mistakenly calls a turner, a spatula, but don’t hold that against him. He’s a good guy even though he gets a bit confused about kitchen utensils.

12. Syracuse, New York arrived from google.com on “Wet T-Shirt Contest” by searching for 2009 Nap Wet T Shirt Contest.

• Okay, so I have no idea what Nap Wet T Shirt Contest is, but I can tell you that 4-5 per day end up here on my doorstep searching for that very thing. I tried to hook up over at Google, but something told me to turn back, so, Syracuse, if you’re still here, can you fill me in? Please?

13. Costa Mesa, California arrived from google.com on “From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for julie little lowes.

• Hey Costa Mesa, how goes it? I have no idea who Julie Little Lowes is, but I can tell you that there’s not a whole lot of little on this Julie unless you’re talking about my math skills. Oh, and I did go to the Lowes over the weekend.

Happy Thursday, y’all!

Not sure if MckMama will be posting a Not Me! Monday today because she is on hosting the MckCruise and I suspect the Not Me! Monday post is the last thing on her mind.

However.

I am not on a cruise today, much less the MckCruise with MckMama for-goodness-sake, so I, will be posting a Not Me! Monday because y’all there are a lot of things I did not do this weekend.

I’ll try to keep this short and sweet, but y’all know how I am.

It was not me who cheered like a school girl as McDaddy played in a church basketball tournament over the weekend.

It also wasn’t me who arrived home an hour later with a massive headache, the likes of which I hadn’t experienced for a long time!

And because of the massive headache, I did not dig out the handy-dandy blood pressure monitor to discover that my blood pressure was 204/185.

Because clearly, that would have been very dangerous.

The next morning, I did not wake up with a massive headache thank goodness, but if you think I was out of the woods, just wait my friends. 

I did not finally decide to call a Doctor after many facebook friends (and my next-door-neighbor-nurse) convinced me that my blood pressure was dangerously high.

And I did not contemplate my funeral planning in my head as I waited for the Doctor to call me back, because I’ve never even thought about my funeral. Nor have I ever talked about my funeral on my blog. (Ahem!)

After an hour of not hearing from my Doctor, I did not mention to McDaddy that maybe we should go to the Urgent Care for some urgent care of my blood pressure.

And while we were at Urgent Care, I did not remind McDaddy about my wishes for a solid mahogany casket because again, no funeral planning for me.

After an EKG, I was not more convinced than ever that yes, indeed, I was dying because after all the gal administering the EKG mentioned something about bundles and blockages.

Within minutes of the EKG, it definitely wasn’t me who found herself being whisked through the lobby of the Urgent Care on a stretcher with the overwhelming urge to holler, “Wish me luck, suckers!” to those waiting in the lobby.

It also wasn’t me who spent five hours in Bay #13 in the ER hinting to urging McDaddy to take a picture of me hooked up to all the wires and monitors for the blog. And, it also wasn’t me who answered the following questions 3,482 times by 213 healthcare providers.

• Are you having chest pains?
• Are you having blurred vision?
• Are you having chest palpitations?
• On a scale of  1-10, rate your pain.
• Are you having urinary issues?
• Are your feet and legs swollen?

And finally, it is not me who admits that I spent all that time worrying about my funeral for nothing.

——

You can check over at MckMama’s place to see if she is hosting a Not Me! Monday this week.

Earlier this week, Jo-Lynne over at Musings of a Housewife mentioned she would be doing a fun bloggy carnival recap of 2009 using the first sentence (or two because I come from a long line of loud) to compile a year in review post. I thought it would be fun to play along.

As I think back on 2009 and the hand it dealt, I remember lots of tears. Ten days into the year, I was shocked to learn that a dear friend had lost his life in a car accident. Three weeks later, our family embarked on a difficult deployment journey. It was not easy, but we made it and I remember to thank God daily for togetherness. 2009 also gave us a new niece (Lydia Kate) along with two more nieces on the way!

In some cases (like January) I had to move on to the second post because the first “sentence” was just a word like WOW!  or some kind of tangent (ahem!). I also discovered that I use some r-e-a-l-l-y long sentences so, you’ll have to bear with me!

 JANUARY

I am so happy to report that all manner of Christmas decorations have been stowed away in our loft for another year and my big, blue, bloggy [BBB] chair is back in place at the McResidence. I am coming to you from the BBB Chair and tonight I thought I’d write a post about my funeral.

Ah, my funeral. Must. Read. Now.

FEBRUARY

Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.  Psalm 55:17

Day 2 of deployment. It’s going to be a L-O-N-G six months people.

MARCH

Things not to ask me about today.

Sheesh. I’m guessing from the tone in this post, it is a very long list.

APRIL

Typically, when I have a problem, I consult nag McDaddy.

Oh, Internets, I’m not so sure I would call it nagging, but McDaddy probably would!

MAY

Three months and one day ago, my boys and I watched as McDaddy boarded a plane to fulfill a 6-month deployment responsibility with the WV Air National Guard.

Easily, one of the worst days of my life.

JUNE

I am so excited to announce that I finally completed a project that I’ve been wanting to do since we moved into our house seven years ago.

The finished project looks awesome!

JULY

Wow.

Obviously, when the idea of Thursday Thirteen – The Alphabet edition popped into my head 20 some odd weeks ago, I gave little thought to what might happen when it was time for me to come up with thirteen words that begin with the letter U.

Because seriously?

 Have you ever thought about “U” words?

(I know, I know! That’s a lot more than just the first sentence. What can I say? I love to tease. After all I did do 26 weeks of Thursday Thirteens going through the entire alphabet during the stupid deployment!)

AUGUST

We’ve had six months of tears, doubt and massive heartache. I didn’t even mind fighthing with 30 red, white and blue balloons because they were all tangled together and because the wind was blowing like mad.

Folks, after six long months, IT IS OVER!

SEPTEMBER

I am the most organized person I know.

May I introduce you to Braggy McBraggerson?

OCTOBER

I’ve got a busy weekend ahead of me and I have about 4,387 things on my to-do list.

Apparently, October 1, 2009 was a pretty typical day in the life of me!

NOVEMBER

This was hardly a typical shopping experience.

You can say that again!

DECEMBER

It is 10:25pm on Monday night. I am sitting up in my bed instead of my big, blue, bloggy chair because there are three people sleeping in my living room.

Just another post about some Things I Learned This Week.

And if that’s not enough crazy for you (and also because this will serve as my Thursday Thirteen post this week) you can go read about some other really weird stuff.

Thanks for stopping by Inmates! 

Although I have no idea what 2010 has in store for the McFamily, I am sure of God’s grace and mercy in our lives today and everyday!

Happy New Year, Internets!

I’ve got a busy weekend ahead of me and I have about 4,387 things on my to-do list.

Next week, doesn’t look much better.

I need about three good days with nothing to do.

Anyone? Anyone?

Beuler?

Okay, I didn’t think so.

Anyway, I was looking at my feed yesterday and I noticed quite a few new ‘direct’ hits. A direct hit means that folks come to ‘From Inmates To Playdates’ because they have me listed in their favorites and they click right on my web address.

So, I’d like to give a shout out to Vail, Arizona,  and Leavenworth, Kansas who stop by Inmates just about everyday. I feel like I know y’all! I sure do appreciate that you share part of your day with me! Same goes for Shelbyville, Kentucky (Hi Bill and Deb!) and Blountville, Tennessee.

Howdy also to the Jeepinwv.com peeps who stopped by yesterday to read the post where Stevie talked about our their JEEP.

I enjoyed meeting the rest of y’all too. You know, the ones. The ones who happen upon Inmates searching for stuff. Stuff like embalming, swallowing pennies and latin freaks. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate Google sending people my way. Really, I do! It makes me smile!

Take this one for instance…

• Atlanta, Georgia arrived from google.com on “A Penny… For Your Thoughts : From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for something funny to say when a child swallows a penny.

Hello, Atlanta. Welcome to From Inmates To Playdates. As much as I’d love to share something funny to say when a child swallows a penny, I can’t think of anything right now that would be funny. Because seriously, if your child swallows a penny, it will be anything but funny. It will be crappy. Because remember? I had to poke through poop for ten days looking for the penny and then after ten days, I never found it and then we did the x-ray only to be told that the penny was gone. Um, nothing funny about that. Sorry. But thanks for stopping by! I wish you all the luck in the world with that penny.

• Fargo, North Dakota arrived from google.com on “A Man With A Plan : From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for doolittle’s mashed potatoes nutrition .

What’s up Fargo? I remember the post about Doolittle’s and their yummy mashed potatoes. I have only thing to say about Doolittle’s. Go. There. Now. and enjoy every stinkin’ bite of those yummy mashed potatoes because they are to die for. Okay, not really die. But they are delish. Oh,  and thanks for stopping by!

• Rockford, Illinois arrived from google.com on “Nosiness : From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for the positive of nosiness

What’s shakin’ Rockford?  Um, if you find the postive of nosiness, would ya mind sharing it with me? Because McDaddy rats on me all the time for being so dang nosey. Or is it nosy? I never know. Shoot. All I know is that there probably isn’t a postive to it unless you can count that I could pretty much tell you some really weird stuff because of my ‘condition.’ I was wired that way. What can I say?

• Bombay, Maharashtra arrived from google.co.in on “Just So You Know : From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for i am tired of your tantrums letter to my boyfriend.

Hey Bombay, I’m so glad you’ve stopped by. I have two words for you. RUN. FAST. If your man is having tantrums as a boyfriend, girl, it will only get worse when he’s a husband. Kick that cat to the curb. And don’t help him up. Good luck to you.

• Terre Haute, Indiana arrived from ask.com on “Nosiness : From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for where can i take sexy pictures in terre haute for my husband as an anniversary gift.

Um, Terre Haute, there’s one in every crowd. I would suggest you moverightalong because um, me and McDaddy, we don’t take those types of pics around here. I’m not saying McDaddy wouldn’t like it (ahem!) I’m saying it doesn’t happen. Um, and I wouldn’t have a clue about Terre Haute, so I’m sorry to say you won’t find the answers here at Inmates. Unless you’re looking for pictures of that sexy Saturn Sky and if that’s the case, you will find them in abundance, because hello? I triple heart the Saturn Sky.

• Fleetwood, Pennsylvania arrived from google.com on “From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for swollen eyeball mouse feces allergy.

Welcome, Fleetwood, Pennsylvania! I do remember writing a post about a certain rodent helping himself (herself?) to our snack basket. But um, I don’t remember mentioning the eyeball, the feces or the allergy. I hate that for you because seriously, it sounds very painful. I wish you the best as you search for the whole healing the swollen eyeball mouse feces allergy. Man, that’s a mouthfull. Thanks for coming by!

• Reidsville, North Carolina arrived from google.com on “What I Learned At The Funeral Home : From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for cut eyelids funeral.

Reidsville, North Carolina, what’s up? Um, I did watch an embalming and there was lots to talk about, but I know nothing of cut eyelids. Actually, the mortician will put a contact lens in your eye with little grooves on it to keep the eye from opening. You can read all about that over here. It was all very interesting.

• Bryan, Texas arrived from google.com on “Thursday Thirteen – Thirteen Things Stevie learned in Kindergarten” by searching for lessons u learned in kindergarten and first grade.

Hello, Bryan, Texas! I can tell you that I have a little one in first grade and I learned something from him today. Johnny Appleseed’s real name was Johnny Chapman. I did not know that. I must have been talking asleep the day they taught that in first grade. Stevie brought home a drawing he did just today about Johnny Appleseed. I found it interesting that I’ve lived 35  years on this earth and didn’t know that. My six year old on the other hand, well, he taught me something today.

• Huntsville, Texas arrived from google.com on “What Deployment Taught Me” by searching for symbol for deployment.

Hi, Huntsville. We just went through the whole deployment thing. If I had to choose one symbol for deployment it would probably be a teardrop. We did a six-month sentence deployment and I cried approximately 168/180 days, but I’m a big cry-baby, so maybe you should talk to someone else about a deployment symbol.

Google, I appreciate you sending these fine folks my way! It makes me smile to find out what people are searching for. It reminds me to write about some weird stuff from time to time.

Enjoy your weekend, y’all.

Thanks for stopping by!

I actually typed this post several weeks ago and filed it away for a rainy day.

Or in this case, for a day when my laptop decided to lay down and die.

Did you hear me?

I said the words. Laptop. Lay down. And die.

In the same sentence.

I am sitting here ready to burst out into uncontrollable sobs at sister-in-law’s desktop hammering out a prelude to this post and somehow  I feel like the mere mention of my laptop woes may somehow bring the thing back to life. 

I’ve done all I know to do.

Which includes unscrewing all of the little hatches on the back of the laptop blowing the dust out and replacing them. (That sentence alone is probably making McDaddy shudder!)

And while I did feel like some sort of techno genius, I’m sad to say. Still no laptop.

So, I wait with eager anticipation for an e-mail from McDaddy that I thankfully WILL be able to access from my iPhone that will surely include instructions about what to do to make it all better. Because that’s what McDaddy does. 

He fixes things.

Until then though, I’ll release this post out into the blogosphere from SIL’s desktop and hope like heck that McDaddy can give me something that will aid in my fixing this thing.  Hey McDaddy! If you’re out there, give me a call.

Pretty please.

————

I am constantly amazed at the things that people type in the search window at Google to land there at front door here at Inmates. It happens to be one of my favorite things about this little blog.

It’s been quite some time since I’ve done one of these posts, but some of these are just too good to pass up. I sometimes laugh out loud (I am not a fan of the LOL thing by the way!) as I read them in my feedjit window.

Let’s start with this one from West Covina, California….

West Covina, California arrived from google.com by searching for neighbor keeps insisting on a playdate after i’ve already said no.

• Hello West Covnina. Stick to YOUR guns. If the neighbor child is not your first choice of a playmate for your sweet angel, then employ whatever methods necessary to put the smack down on their continual requests.

Baltimore, Maryland arrived from google.com by searching for funeral home dead body what happen.

• What’s up? Baltimore. A month ago, I could not have answered that question. However. My mortician friend invited me to watch an embalming and I can tell you with certainty that you probably do not want to know. If you are a freak curious person like me, you can check it out right here at Inmates in a post titled What I Learned At The Funeral Home. That should tell you all you need to know.

Kingsland, Georgia arrived from google.com by searching for unleashing your wife’s freak.

• Kingsland, you are making me blush. I’m not sure why you are attempting you unleash  your wife’s freak, but might I just say, Rock on! I hope that something you read here at Inmates gave you some great ideas for achieving your tasks. (I’m sure my sweet McDaddy is smiling just thinking of the possibilities!)

Navarre, Florida arrived from google.com by searching for FASHION FOR STAY AT HOME MOM AGE 35.

• Greetings Navarre. I would love to be able to say that you’ve come to the right place for fashion tips. However, I keep it real around here. For that reason, I must warn you that my fashion expertise is limited to Tommy Hilfiger t-shirts and Yoga pants. If that’s what your in the market for, then I’m your gal. If not, then you might want to visit Big Mama’s place. She is a fashion guru and could probably give you some fantastic fashion advice.

Gilbert, Arizona arrived from google.com by searching for paper gown at the gynecologist.

• Hello Gilbert, Arizona. I am chuckling because I clearly remember the post I wrote about my experience at the gyno. I’m still not real clear about why you’d be searching for the words paper and gown and at the gynecologist, but then again, why do any of us search for what we do when we’re going down Google Ave? (I do KNOW that I use way too many run-on sentences.) Hopefully, you got your questions answered. Please feel free to stop back at anytime.

Brooklyn, New York arrived from google.com by searching for milia self extraction successful.

• Hi! Brooklyn. What’s up? In the past few weeks, another milia sucker has popped up. I was pretty sure I would attempt to extract the thing myself but the more I’ve thought about it, the more hesitant I am to use a sharp extraction tool on my face. I’m thinking that I should probably just call the dermotologist. However, if you are gung-ho on the self-extraction, here’s the tool you will need. Be sure to stop back by and let me know how that goes for you, would ya?

Stony Brook, New York arrived from google.com by searching for what was the word that paula stumbled on in the top 11 2009.

• Hello my new American Idol friend in Stony Brook, New York. What are you trying to go clog up my friend, Google? We all know that Paula makes up words and stumbles over words. Its one of the reasons I watch AI. If my memory serves me correctly though the word you are referring to is authenticity.

Montclair, New Jersey arrived from google.com by searching for Why do flowers smell like a funeral?

• Howdy Montclair! Is it just me or do I have more than my fair share of funeral related posts? Flowers often remind me of a funeral home too, and in my humble opinion the funeral home stinks. For that reason, I have left specific instructions for McDaddy to purchase the a solid mahogany casket haul my hind-end out the road to our lovely little church so that I can be displayed in all of my dead glory instead of the stinky funeral home when my time here on earth is done. And no, that is not a lot to ask when you’re speaking of one’s last wishes.

Ayr, South Ayrshire arrived from google.co.uk by searching for acrylic nails breastfeeding.

• Whoa. South Ayrshire. You got me there. Not sure I’ve ever included those three words together in a post but I guess anything is possible.  I hope your nails look fabulous and that your having a successful run at breastfeeding. It can be a little tough at first, so hang in there. You should know, however, that the girls will NEVER be the same.

Gainesville, Texas arrived from google.com by searching for suddenlink phone service always down.

• Gainesville, Texas! Welcome to Inmates. Before I get started on this rant little tale, let me go grab a picture to show you.

Those happen to be two Suddenlink trucks and that also happens to be my driveway. You can’t tell it from the picture, but this is two of four trucks that paid me a visit one Spring day in an attempt to fix my internet connection.

I spent precious hours of my life that I can NEVER get back dealing with Suddenlink’s internet mess. The Suddenlink man in my area probably spent more time at my house than he did his own, HOWEVER, a sweet VP named Mr. A stumbled across my blog, read about my dramadifficulties and got his Suddenlink peeps on the stick. It took some time but eventually they were able to provide reliable service at the McResidence. I will not agree with them that the service is faster than Verizon because honestly, it seems slower than ever before in the history of our internet service, BUT, it is reliable and dependable. Once McDaddy gets back, I plan to have a meeting of the minds to determine if Suddenlink is indeed the best solution for our internet needs.

—–

See, I told you that would be fun.

Now, I’m off to perform another surgery on my poor, pitiful DELL laptop.

Wish me luck!

Since I’ve talked so much about McDaddy’s heap this week, I thought I might as well go ahead and finish out the week by talking about it again.

Not that I particularly love the vehicle, but mainly because every time I walk outside and see the thing it reminds me of my sweet hubby and how badly I miss him.

I wrote this post some time ago over on my other blog. You know, the one I had on mySpace before From Inmates To Playdatesmade its debut into the blogosphere. I thought it might be fun to share this today because I am a little pressed for time due to an unexpected appointment with the gyno.

I know.

TMI.

But, I try to keep it real over here and sadly, all my days cannot be filled with shiny, happy thoughts about Saturn Skys, iPhones and sweet little boys.

There are other things that creep up from time to time.

Like almost plowing my mailbox down.

And stupid deployments.

And unexpected gyno appointments.

I’ll not bore you with the minor details of the actual excavationprocedure. Just know that I would just about rather be any. place. on. the. planet. than being tortured by the gynocologist. Hopefully, your day is going better than mine….

Somewhere in the deep South McDaddy is rolling his eyes in shame because I put his heap in the midst of all this nastiness. Anyway, without further ado….

The Post.

Today, I accompanied McDaddy and his posse from the JeepinWV club for an off-roading extravaganza.
 
There were 15 jeeps.
 
And 34 people.

The youngest was our three year old, Alex. The oldest was in his 50’s.
 
I could pretend that it was all hunky and dory.

But lying is a sin.

I watched as my sweet McDaddy navigated creeks, rocks and dusty trails. I watched him in all his glory, doing the one thing that he loves.to.do. Our boys were thrilled to be in their “favorite vehicle” with their favorite person. 
 

It is 10:52pm.
 
And, my day was far from exciting.
 
Before I get into the hairy details of our day, let me preface this saga by saying that McDaddy is a safe, talented navigator and that I feel horrible for being such a wimp.
 
With that said… I’m need to be honest and tell you that I was absolutely scared to death.
 
I’m talking B-I-G-B-A-B-Y.
 
I’m talking face buried in my hands, praying for our safety, I’m afraid I ruined the day – scaredy cat.

What is it about hanging on the side of a mountain, slippin’ and slidin’ in the mud, spinning your tires while you try to make it over rocks and through creeks that is exciting?
 
It was something….
 
My excitement meter must have been off.
 
As much fun as I had hanging with my fellas, I would have to say that off-roading is not what I was meant to do.
 
I didn’t mind the rough ride
-or driving on the level trail
-or listening to the trash talk on the CB
-or watching the kids play in the water
-or taking pictures of the jeeps getting hung up in various water holes and dusty ruts
-or the rain
-or the briars
-or, even peeing in the creek.

Seriously, all of that was loads of fun.

The thing that bothered me was that .4 miles into the ride, I knew I had made a mistake. As we watched two jeeps make their way up the steep hill after stalling and spinning their tires, I started to cry.
 
Probably not a good sign.

But, it was our turn. And, there was pressure. And, McDaddy’s reputation was on the line.

I told him to just GO! He drove the jeep up that hill like a gray squirrel making his way up a maple tree.

Without incident.

Luckily, we never ended up in a mess like this….

Because seriously, I probably would have peed my pants.
 
Tears were streaming down my cheeks.
 
And I knew I had made a big mistake.
 
But, it was too late.
 
I tried to bite the bullet. And take it like a big girl. I pictured myself at my funeral. 

Then, I bit my lip, my jaw and my tongue because I was ready to scream.
 
I could not hide my fear.
 
And for the next six hours, I endured.

And decided I had made two off-roading trips today.
 
My first.
 
And my last.

Welcome to my humble abode. I’m so glad you are here. If you are one of my eight loyal blog fans, I appreciate you and hope you learn something about me you don’t already know. If you are new here, I sure welcome you to visit any ole’ time. I love company.

For starters, this is my blog. I started blogging in June, 2006 for myself and 200 of my closest friends on mySpace. Back in November, 2008 I decided to take the bloggy plunge and join the blogosphere. That whole Inmates to Playdates thing up there, that’s all true. Before hanging up my handcuffs to be a stay-at-home-mom, I was an inmate counselor at a Regional Jail.

I am 35 and I am married to McDaddy who happens to be the most patient man on the planet. He is a control systems genius engineer and also a member of the WV Air National Guard. He is currently deployed for six months where he is diligently protecting our butts, our freedoms and whatever else needs protecting at his current location. I talk about him often here at Inmates and I so proud to be his wife. I miss him terribly. Oh, and did I mention he is hot!

I have a six year old son named Stevie. He is a cool kid who loves Thomas, Lightning McQueen, Monster Trucks and his beloved DS. He is one of the sweetest kids I’ve ever known and I’m not at all just saying that because he is mine. He is thoughtful, polite and loving. (He’s also very smart but I don’t want to sound like one of those mothers).

I also have a three year old son named Alex. He has two speeds. Asleep. And wide open. It is comical to watch him in action. He loves to run, jump, climb and bulldoze. He also likes Thomas, Lightning McQueen, Monster Trucks and his Leapster. He is sweet, independent and cute as a button.

My boys are the joy of my life and I am thankful for the privilege of being a [stay-at-home] mother. Even though I always thought I would have a daughter, I am thrilled that the boys are the best of friends and wonderful playmates.

As my tagline says, I am a self proclaimed princess who gave up a career in corrections for stay-at-home-mom royalty. I have a truck-load of quirks and I am gifted in the art of conversation. Just ask anybody. I enjoyed my time in jail very much but I enjoy motherhood even more. I have recently began working out and lost 25 pounds in 30 weeks. I love the Saturn Skyand Reality TV. I am also a Longaberger consultant and scrapbooker.

This blog is like a bag of chex mix. Sometimes you get a boring ole raisin and sometimes you get the M&M. Either way, it is my life.

I have talked at length about my funeral, the fun I had while riding in a police car and even pap smears.

Some days I talk about my sweet boys, my hubby or my Jesus.

I do hope you’ll stick around for awhile. Feel free to look around and enjoy my daily dose of crazy. Believe me, there is plenty to go around.

Oh, and at the end of the awesome Ultimate Blog Party sponsored by the gals over at Five Minutes For Mom, I’ll be giving away a Longaberger purse, so be sure and leave a comment on this post.

Thanks for stopping by and do have yourselves a lovely day!

———–

And the winner is……..

Random Integer Generator

Here are your random numbers:

16

Timestamp: 2009-03-29 00:47:14 UTC

Congratulations, Beth! I will be contacting you by e-mail!

————

My prize choices would be – #58 – Kitchen Aid Mixer sponsored by Mom’s Who Think, #123 – Kohl’s gift-card sponsored by The Grotto, #118 – Old Navy gift-card sponsored by Manic Mother, #103 – Surprise Box sponsored by Monkey’s Momma, #91 – Target Gift Card sponsored by Mummy Deals, #89 – Gift Card to Home Goods sponsored by HG Openhouse, #19 – Target gift card sponsored by Shoot Me Now.

———–

From time to time I click on that ‘Live Traffic Feed’ thingie down there in my left side-bar. That little box is full of useful information, including the topic of interest that was typed into the search engine that led some of you right here to ‘From Inmates To Playdates’.  It always amuses me and there are times that I laugh out loud (I hate the whole LOL, by the way) at the things that people search for.

So, without further ado, I’d like to send a shout out to those of you who have happened by Inmates thanks to our friends at Google.

1. Springfield, Missouri arrived from google.com on “From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for Prisoners watch young and the restless.

• Howdy, Springfield. I’m sure glad you’ve stopped by. I’m not so sure about prisoners watching The Young & The Restless because they have killed off my beloved Don Diamonte. For that reason, I myself, a loyal friend of Y&R for over half my life have not watched their show for at least a month. I miss Brad and respectfully request that the powers-that-be bring him back. Pronto. But rock on Springfield! I’d watch Y&R for sure if I was in prison.

2.Saint Louis, Missouri arrived from google.com on “Jeep : From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for jeep underware.

• Hi St. Louis. Do me a favor, would ya? Please keep the whole Jeep Underwear thing to yourself. If McDaddy catches wind that somebody has jeep underwear, he’ll expect my hind-end plastered in the JEEP logo every! single! day!  Shhhh!! It will be our little secret. Welcome though. I do hope you’ll come back.

3.  Centerburg, Ohio arrived from google.com on “Wow! That’s weird. : From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for who sang at women of faith conference nationwide arena 2008.

• What’s Up? Centerburg! – While I can’t remember everyone who  sang at the 2008 WOF conference, I know for a fact I wasn’t one of them.  If my memory serves me correctly [which is doubtful], I believe it was Sandi Patty, Nicole C. Mullen and Natalie Grant. They were all fabulous by the way.

4. Coopersburg, Pennsylvania arrived from google.com on “From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for 3 year old crying and not sharing when having home playdates.

• Welcome Coopersburg! Let me start by saying that any 3 year old who refuses to share has not been rasied properly. It is evident that you failed somewhere along the line to teach your little angel about the importance of sharing and taking turns. Maybe you should visit Dr. Phil dot com to or Nanny 911 for some assistance on the matter. I am thrilled that you stopped by though. I’m just sorry that I am unable to help you because my kids typically behave perfectly and would gladly give up their toys to other children without being asked. 

Did I mention that I crack myself up sometimes?

5. Nora Springs, Iowa arrived from google.com on “Saturn Sky : From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for saturn sky personalized plate.

• Nora Springs, Iowa, I am so happy you stopped by. Do you have a BFF because if you do, you should totally ditch them and let me be your BFF. That way, I could drive your Saturn Sky with your fancy personalized plate sometimes and I’d love you forever and do anything you asked. I hope you are enjoying your Saturn Sky. I’m guessing you are not a stay-at-home-mom with two kids and a minivan. But I could be totally wrong.

6. United States arrived from google.com on “Unleashing My Inner Latin Freak : From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for freaky latin mom.

• United States, you have come to the right place. Welcome to my humble abode. I put the FREAK in freaky around here. Only I’m not Latin. But I’m a freak just the same. You can ask McDaddy. He loves it when I get my freak on. *BIG SLY SMILE*

7.  Sydney, New South Wales arrived from google.com.au on “Thursday Thirteen – 13 Things That Tick Me Off : From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for things that tick me off with church.

• Hi Sydney. I don’t know how ya’ll do things in Australia, but we here in America are happy to serve God in peace and harmony. Really, there should not be things that tick you off with church and if there are, then maybe you should find a new one. Seriously, the right church for you is out there somewhere. Good luck finding it. Peace out!

[Relax people, this is all in fun!]

8. Denver, Colorado arrived from google.com on “From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for cause “fever blisters” “all over” back sleeping bed sheets.

• Okay Denver, this should be fun. Let’s see, “cause fever blisters” – probably some form of herpes. Sad, but true. Next, “all over” back sleeping bed sheets… if your sleeping on bed sheets that are giving you fever blisters, it is probably high time you change your bed sheets. Or, at the very least wash them. And, might I add the whole fever-blister-all-over-back-sleeping-bed-sheets thing is kind of , well, gross. Just Sayin’.

9.  Johannesburg, Gauteng arrived from google.co.za on “Over My Dead Body : From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for WHAT WILL HAPPENED ABOUT MY DEAD BODY IN A CASKET.

• Johannesburg, Gauteng, I’m so glad you’re here. Let me just start by saying that your dead body in a casket will probably be displayed in all its glory for all of your friends and family to see. I would suggest the best casket that money can buy. Something like Solid mahogany. Not that cheap pressed wood. That way you’ll be sure to look good at the funeral home. Who knows what will happen after they close you up. I, for one wish to be buried in a crypt so I can be warm in the winter and cool in the summer. The decay process is bound to happen I suppose, but by then I’ll be sitting on the emerald fountain eating a Swiss Cake Roll and couldn’t care less what is happening to this body of mine.

10. Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island arrived from google.ca on “Over My Dead Body : From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for looking good in my casket.

• Prince Edward, thanks for stopping by. From the looks of things, it seems obvious that I am not the only one thinking about my death and planning my funeral. I say do what you can now to ensure tht you will look your very best when the day comes. Rock on Edward! and I do hope you’ll come back.

11. Sydney, New South Wales arrived from google.com.au on “Thursday Thirteen – 13 Things That Tick Me Off : From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for list of things that tick me off.

• Who knew I’d have so many international visitors? Hey Sydney! Thanks for stopping by. While I have compiled a list of things that tick me off, I find it amusing that you actually searched for a list of things that tick you off. Seriously, if the things that tick you off don’t come rolling off of your fingertips, I don’t think you should be intentionally searching for things. Leave well enough alone and enjoy life. Oh, and I hope that answer didn’t tick you off.

12. Tyler, Texas arrived from google.com on “From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for SUDDENLINK INTERN-ET TROUBLE SHOOT.

• Oh, Tyler, Texas, it must be true what they say. Misery does indeed love company. I am so sorry to hear about your recent trouble with Suddenlink. You can read about my Suddenlink woes here, here, here and again here. And, if that’s not enough to persuade you, go here, here, and hereto read about it one last time. Even though their service is not as reliable or dependable as I need it to be, their customer service rocks and for that reason, I have stuck around for the past month. Wow! By the looks of it, I should certainly have a Suddenlink tag. The only thing I could suggest is to unook the modem and the router, wait 30 seconds and hook it all back up. That usually works for me the first three times I do it.

13. Saint Louis, Missouri arrived from blogsearch.google.com on “From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for suddenlink cebridge.

• There is a really good chance that Saint Louis, Missouri translates into my new BFF at Suddenlink, Mr. A. If this is Mr. A then welcome to my blog, again! I hope you are doing everything in your power to keep my internet up and running. Seriously, people depend on me here at Inmates to deliver a daily dose of crazy.  If I don’t have internet service, the daily dose of crazy doesn’t get delivered and I lose a piece of my sanity everytime I have to make a call to customer service. So, yes, Saint Louis, do sit a spell and take a look around. I hope you find everything to your liking. What I would like is reliable internet service. THANKYOUVERYMUCH!

14. Charleston, South Carolina arrived from google.com on “News. Or Just A Daily Dose Of Crazy : From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for daily dose of crazy.

• Charleston, SC – howdy to you! You have come to the right place. Doses of crazy are plentiful round these parts. Take what you need and leave the rest for the next sap. Thanks for stopping by! 

Now, wasn’t that loads of fun!

Many thanks to my friends at GOOGLE for sending folks my way. And, you might want to be careful what you search for. You never know when you might end up on a blog. 

Have a lovely day, no matter how you got here! 

——

Oh, and please visit this post to enter a give-away for a 16×20 Online Poster Print. I will randomly select a winner on Saturday just before midnight. Good Luck!!!!

I’ve got 912 things to do today, so let’s get right down to business….

1.  Cake - I am an equal  opportunity cake eater. I like all kinds. Chocolate, Yellow, Betty Crocker, Little Debbie and even lemon cake. Probably my first love. I *puffy bright red heart* cake, especially when it is slathered in icing.

2. Camping - I love  to camp, however, conditions must be perfect (ie: air conditioner, soft bed, toilet for aggravating middle of the night potty trips and shelter from the rain). In other words, I love camping, but ONLY in our camper. Ahem! It is camping none-the-less. We just purchased this camper last year. I lovingly refer to it as our summer home. (McDaddy will notice right away that this is not OUR camper. It happens to be one just like ours that I found on the internet. Apparently, it is easier to post from Google Images than it is from my pictures!).

3. Calendar - Oh internets. I am so picky about my pocket calendar. Anal in fact. If I had the energy and the time I would take a picture of my calendar and post it on here. I don’t like there to be mark-outs on any of the squares so I use a white-out roller thingie. The most important requirement for a calendary is for the month to be dislayed horizontally and not vertically. In other words, just like this one.

Never mind. I felt sure I could go to Google images and find exactly what I was referring to. Funny thing is, I couldn’t.  Just on a whim though I googled “Black sheep in heat” and guess what?

There it was, yet, I couldn’t find an image of a horizontal pocket calendar. What is the world coming to?

4. Camera – I bought McDaddy a camera for Father’s Day which was a newer version of my camera. Somehow, I ended up with the new one. I triple heart this camera. It is VERY easy to use and takes great pictures. Unfortunately, wordpress, or the server, or some other source is now making it very difficult for me to post pictures straight from my picture file. I know have to go to photobucket, upload, blah, blah, blah.   

Whatever.

5. Camouflage – Not a big fan of it, but it is certainly a part of my (and McDaddy’s) life. Here are my guys on deployment day.

Sweet hallelujah. After some finagglin’, I got this picture to resize and post properly.

6. Car - I actually drive a minivan but, if I had my choice, I’d drive my favorite car – The Saturn Sky.

7. Capital - My high school and the place where McDaddy and I met. Go Cougars!!!! Class of 1992 baby.

8. Crown – Um, hello. I am a princess, you know.

9.  Criminal – Any blog that includes the word “inmates” in its title, couldn’t do a Thursday “C” 13 and not include the word criminal. Sorry, I just had to do it. Here’s where I woked before hanging up my handcuffs to raise my babies.

I loved my job there. I was an inmate counselor and had daily interaction with inmates of all kinds. When I was preganant with Stevie a couple of inmates made bets on the gender of my baby. While walking past my office, one of the inmates asked what I was having and I responded, “Boy,” he punched the inmate behind him and said, “I told you dawg, you owe me 2 packs of noodles.” Fun times! (I totally just used the word dawg on my blogblawg.)

10. Cry – I’ve done a lot of it over the past month. Deployment sucks. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through, esepcially since my 2 boys remind me every! single! day! that they “miss daddy really bad.” Hurry up, August.

11. Conversation – I am gifted in the art of conversation. Just ask anybody. 

12. Caffeine – If I were to admit to an addiction, this would be it. I love Dr. Pepper, but will drink coke, pepsi or just about any other caffeinated drink that is available.

13. Chuch – We attend a great one. You can visit our web-site here. This is where we worship.

14. Casket – I have very serious opinions about my funeral. I’ve discussed it at length in a post titled Over my dead body. Here’s the casket I like. It’s Solid Mahogany.

Remember, I said solid and mahogany, not pressed and wood.

Yeah, I know this is Thursday 13, but what can I say, I’m an over achiever. I had to add that last one.

Enjoy your Thursday, ya’ll.