From Inmates to Playdates

Posts Tagged ‘Nosiness’

I seriously considered telling you about 13 things I want for Christmas, but coming up with thirteen things I’d like to have seems like a lot of work at this hour. My time would be better spent placing the gold beads (garland) on my Christmas tree so that it would be complete. I am kicking around the idea of attempting it solo because McDaddy is not here. While it may seem like an easy job for one person, perhaps I should let you know that our tree is 9 feet tall which means I would have to stand on a bar stool which means that danger is imminent because, well, I am clumsy enough without climbing onto a bar-stool and attempting to balance myself without falling off or tipping the stool.

However.

I have a condition called Iwantitdonerightnow, so it looks like I’ll be throwing caution to the wind and climbing on that bar-stool here directly.

Wish me luck!

But for now, may I present 13 things I could live without, in no particular order except the order they fly out of my head.

1. Olives – I don’t get it. They stink, they taste bad and they are expensive. That’s a triple whammy in my book.

2. Gnomes – Again, I don’t get it (them!) They are ugly and useless. The very fact that gnomes made this list, makes me shake my head wondering what made me even think of gnomes.

3. My Phone Ringing Before 9:00 am -  If you are not dead or bleeding, or calling about someone who is dead or bleeding, you should not be calling the McResidence under any circumstance. Period. Thank you, and Amen!

4. GEICO commercials featuring those stupid cave-men -Who came up with this marketing campaign? Whomever they are, they should be fired immediately. The caveman thing is the dumbest commercial campaign EVER!

5. LOL- I triple hate the whole LOL thing. You will never, and I repeat never, see my name associated with any LOL or OMG or TTYL or LMBO. They are showing up more and more on The Facebook. I do use these from time to time, or even this but never a three or four letter combo. 

6. ICY ROADS- I am a scaredy cat when it comes to icy roads. I have no confidence and I live on a big, freakin, hill, so, icy roads + me = danger!

7. CAPPUCCINO – I know I’m going to rile some feathers with this one.. Why anyone would spend $6.00 on a ridiculously high calorie hot beverage is beyond me. I like a good (cheap) cup of hot chocolate from time to time, but those expensive, over-priced (not the same thing!) high calorie hot drinks do nothing for me. I even tried a (very expensive) cup of hot chocolate at Starbucks one time. It was the worst cup of hot chocolate I ever drank and after two sips I tossed it in a garbage can. Big. Waste. Of. Money.

8. SPRITE and 7-UP - I don’t remember ever hating these lemony-lime drinks, but now that I’m an adult, I’d just as soon drink water than try to force this crap down my throat. If its a day or so flat, it’s ten times worse. Complete nastiness!

9. DUST – Sweet mercy, where does it all come from? The very second I dust the TV and its stand, particles land right back on the silly thing. The attempt almost seems useless.I don’t mind cleaning. I really don’t. I do mind dusting.

10.  HACKERS- With all of my heart, I firmly believe there is a special place reserved in a really hot place for those individuals who get their kicks from hacking into other people’s computer accounts. It’s no secret that I am as nosey as the next gal, however! However, those who hack into Facebook accounts, bank accounts, e-mail accounts, and any other account out there need to be banned from the internet for life. Even someone as nosey as me knows that there are limits.

11.  BLOGGER COMMENT BOXES WITHOUT THE NAME/URL OPTION- Okay, if your blog is hosted by Blogger, I have a question. When I try to leave a comment on a blogger blog without the name/url option, I get an error message telling me to please sign in to Google or something I can’t remember right off. I’ve signed (logged?) in to Google about three trillion times and it never ever remembers me. I get the same stupid message which I wish I could remember because I’ve been wanting to make this plea for a long time! So, my question (and you thought I’d never get to the question) is why do some of you opt not to allow the name/url option? (And yes, I am totally going on the search right now for a comment box like the one I speak of!)

Okay, I found one. It says Choose an Identity. GOOGLE ACCOUNT and has a place for a user account and password. It also has an option for Open ID. Only once you click on Open ID, there is no Open ID option. 

When presented with this screen, I have no idea what to do. 

If you are still reading, bless your soul, because I know its possible you might not be understanding any of this Number 11. 

Comments are hard to come by and I think bloggers should make it easy peasy for readers to leave comments. When I see that option, I just mumble something and go on my merry way!

Have you ever noticed that the further I get into my list, the lenghthier the commentary?

12. DIAL UP INTERNET SERVICE - Thankfully, we are blessed with The DSL here at the McResidence, however, there are still those who must deal with the ridiculousness of the Dial Up. It is beyond me how we can put a man on the moon or how we can offer shoes buy one get one free but we can’t find a way to provide DSL to every neighborhood in America.

Now, I recognize that I know very little about the infrastructure of the internet, however, (man, there are lots of howevers tonight!) I know that someone somewhere has the means and the money to make this happen.

13. ENERGY SAVING LIGHTBULBS- I’m just full of myself today.. don’t ya think?  I know there are a few of you out there who will not agree with me on this. Remember about ten (very long) paragraphs ago when I mentioned that I am a “wantitdonerightnow” kind of girl. That means that when I flip a switch, I expect the light to come on full force immediately. Not three minutes from now.

My word. I’m aggravated just thinking about these thirteen things.

Enjoy your Thursday, y’all!

I am unemployed, however, I am busier than a raccoon in a trashpile most days.

I feel like I should be on somebodies payroll by now because I don’t feel like I EVER have a day to do nothing.

Between the PTA, church stuff, domestic duties, my fellas, the PTA, the blog, the e-mail and the facebook, I! NEVER! STOP!

And speaking of The Facebook, do y’all find yourselves spending ridiculous amounts of time on there catching up with the stinkin’ status updates? Seriously, it is enough to keep me coming back for more.

And I check in often.

Because I was born with a nosey gene.

And because some of them are just great.

For instance, my current status update on facebook says, JMC is watching Grey’s Anatomy with McDaddy and writing tomorrow’s blog post which oddly enough is about status updates…

Intriguing? Yes, I think so. It would be enough to make me click over and see what the blog was all about if I were them.

Some of my prior status updates say,

Love Dare: Day 14 – purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they’d really like to work on. Just be together.

Is headed to Revival after a fun-filled hour with the Cub Scouts!!! The boys had a great time scrapbooking!!!!

has given away the sippy cups, the high chair and the potty seat… just about every trace of baby has been removed from our house…. *sigh*

4 years ago today at 11:29am I gave birth to a 10 pound,5 ounce baby boy. The nurses Nick-named him King because he was the biggest boy in the nursery! Happy Birthday Alex Ryan!!!!

Some of the other updates (and my mind) say….

A is back from California. The week went by too fast! (What did you go to California for?)

D is wishing I had an episode of House DVRd that I haven’t seen at least 3 times already.

S – How could you cheat on Fergie? Josh Duhamel is an idiot!!!

G - Eating fresh figs. What could be better?

J – is watching Gilligan’s Island. (Rock on! Party at your place, huh?)

J is counting down the minutes until parent- teacher conferences are over. There’s never a mad rush to talk to the music teacher. I did get some things caught up in the meanwhile.

J – is hoping Scooter feels better soon. (Me too!)

A – just received rave reviews and praise during C’s parent/teacher conference. Atta girl! (I think all of us went to parent teacher conferences tonight! The world over!)

B – happy day…such a happy happy day. (and why is that?)

M Squared – Getting ready to drive to AB; weirdly excited to talk about orthopaedic injuries.

W – Finishing up the yard work tomorrow…. One last time until spring. I like the snow, not just “cold” weather! The holidays are great because of the joy it brings to my loving wife A…   (Oh, me too! I love the holidays too!)

See, it’s all so very intriguing!!! My noseyness just loves it!!!

What about you? What would your status update say right now? I’d love to hear from you!

C’mon, speak up!

I’ve got a busy weekend ahead of me and I have about 4,387 things on my to-do list.

Next week, doesn’t look much better.

I need about three good days with nothing to do.

Anyone? Anyone?

Beuler?

Okay, I didn’t think so.

Anyway, I was looking at my feed yesterday and I noticed quite a few new ‘direct’ hits. A direct hit means that folks come to ‘From Inmates To Playdates’ because they have me listed in their favorites and they click right on my web address.

So, I’d like to give a shout out to Vail, Arizona,  and Leavenworth, Kansas who stop by Inmates just about everyday. I feel like I know y’all! I sure do appreciate that you share part of your day with me! Same goes for Shelbyville, Kentucky (Hi Bill and Deb!) and Blountville, Tennessee.

Howdy also to the Jeepinwv.com peeps who stopped by yesterday to read the post where Stevie talked about our their JEEP.

I enjoyed meeting the rest of y’all too. You know, the ones. The ones who happen upon Inmates searching for stuff. Stuff like embalming, swallowing pennies and latin freaks. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate Google sending people my way. Really, I do! It makes me smile!

Take this one for instance…

• Atlanta, Georgia arrived from google.com on “A Penny… For Your Thoughts : From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for something funny to say when a child swallows a penny.

Hello, Atlanta. Welcome to From Inmates To Playdates. As much as I’d love to share something funny to say when a child swallows a penny, I can’t think of anything right now that would be funny. Because seriously, if your child swallows a penny, it will be anything but funny. It will be crappy. Because remember? I had to poke through poop for ten days looking for the penny and then after ten days, I never found it and then we did the x-ray only to be told that the penny was gone. Um, nothing funny about that. Sorry. But thanks for stopping by! I wish you all the luck in the world with that penny.

• Fargo, North Dakota arrived from google.com on “A Man With A Plan : From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for doolittle’s mashed potatoes nutrition .

What’s up Fargo? I remember the post about Doolittle’s and their yummy mashed potatoes. I have only thing to say about Doolittle’s. Go. There. Now. and enjoy every stinkin’ bite of those yummy mashed potatoes because they are to die for. Okay, not really die. But they are delish. Oh,  and thanks for stopping by!

• Rockford, Illinois arrived from google.com on “Nosiness : From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for the positive of nosiness

What’s shakin’ Rockford?  Um, if you find the postive of nosiness, would ya mind sharing it with me? Because McDaddy rats on me all the time for being so dang nosey. Or is it nosy? I never know. Shoot. All I know is that there probably isn’t a postive to it unless you can count that I could pretty much tell you some really weird stuff because of my ‘condition.’ I was wired that way. What can I say?

• Bombay, Maharashtra arrived from google.co.in on “Just So You Know : From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for i am tired of your tantrums letter to my boyfriend.

Hey Bombay, I’m so glad you’ve stopped by. I have two words for you. RUN. FAST. If your man is having tantrums as a boyfriend, girl, it will only get worse when he’s a husband. Kick that cat to the curb. And don’t help him up. Good luck to you.

• Terre Haute, Indiana arrived from ask.com on “Nosiness : From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for where can i take sexy pictures in terre haute for my husband as an anniversary gift.

Um, Terre Haute, there’s one in every crowd. I would suggest you moverightalong because um, me and McDaddy, we don’t take those types of pics around here. I’m not saying McDaddy wouldn’t like it (ahem!) I’m saying it doesn’t happen. Um, and I wouldn’t have a clue about Terre Haute, so I’m sorry to say you won’t find the answers here at Inmates. Unless you’re looking for pictures of that sexy Saturn Sky and if that’s the case, you will find them in abundance, because hello? I triple heart the Saturn Sky.

• Fleetwood, Pennsylvania arrived from google.com on “From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for swollen eyeball mouse feces allergy.

Welcome, Fleetwood, Pennsylvania! I do remember writing a post about a certain rodent helping himself (herself?) to our snack basket. But um, I don’t remember mentioning the eyeball, the feces or the allergy. I hate that for you because seriously, it sounds very painful. I wish you the best as you search for the whole healing the swollen eyeball mouse feces allergy. Man, that’s a mouthfull. Thanks for coming by!

• Reidsville, North Carolina arrived from google.com on “What I Learned At The Funeral Home : From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for cut eyelids funeral.

Reidsville, North Carolina, what’s up? Um, I did watch an embalming and there was lots to talk about, but I know nothing of cut eyelids. Actually, the mortician will put a contact lens in your eye with little grooves on it to keep the eye from opening. You can read all about that over here. It was all very interesting.

• Bryan, Texas arrived from google.com on “Thursday Thirteen – Thirteen Things Stevie learned in Kindergarten” by searching for lessons u learned in kindergarten and first grade.

Hello, Bryan, Texas! I can tell you that I have a little one in first grade and I learned something from him today. Johnny Appleseed’s real name was Johnny Chapman. I did not know that. I must have been talking asleep the day they taught that in first grade. Stevie brought home a drawing he did just today about Johnny Appleseed. I found it interesting that I’ve lived 35  years on this earth and didn’t know that. My six year old on the other hand, well, he taught me something today.

• Huntsville, Texas arrived from google.com on “What Deployment Taught Me” by searching for symbol for deployment.

Hi, Huntsville. We just went through the whole deployment thing. If I had to choose one symbol for deployment it would probably be a teardrop. We did a six-month sentence deployment and I cried approximately 168/180 days, but I’m a big cry-baby, so maybe you should talk to someone else about a deployment symbol.

Google, I appreciate you sending these fine folks my way! It makes me smile to find out what people are searching for. It reminds me to write about some weird stuff from time to time.

Enjoy your weekend, y’all.

Thanks for stopping by!

I’m afraid this is going to be another weird “What I Learned This Week” post.

And no!, before you ask, I did not watch another embalming.

My boys and I returned home from spending two weeks with McDaddy’s sister and her family in New Hampshire. We had a great visit and aside from the fact that Angie’s baby girl decided not to make her appearance while we there, the whole visit was wonderful. My granny would put it like this, “there wasn’t a cross word said between us!” My granny is a hoot. Maybe I’ll introduce you to her sometime.

Anyway. Where was I?

Angie tried her best to convert me to Arbonnism while I was there. Arbonne is a company that makes skin care and cosmetic products that are pure, safe and beneficial.

A product that Angie happens to use.

And sell.

And you know how those direct sells people can be.

Ahem!

Pure pressure, people.

Oh, I kid.

I was skeptical because the products are a little pricey. Throughout the entire two-week-visit Angie would pop into my room and hand me yet another product to try. Folks, I exfoliated, rubbed, sampled, cleansed, hydrated, scrubbed, doused, brushed, massaged, smelled, tested, sampled, experimented and showered with Arbonne products. 

My skin thanked me which is more than I can say for my wallet when it was all said and done.

One day, we were standing in her kitchen talking about all manner of cosmetics. And by ‘all manner’ I mean that she mentioned two words that changed the way I will forever look at my cover girl eyeshadow.

My Maybelline mascara.

And my clinique blush.

Animal. and Rendering.

I had never heard those words before and had no idea what she was talking about. In fact, I shook my head and puckered my face up in disbelief.

I’ll give you a second to google the animal and the rendering.

Or You-Tube it.

The thought of animal rendering grosses me out. I made the mistake of watching a nine-minute You-Tube video this morning on Animal rendering. It probably would not have generally bothered me, but as luck would have it, I had just finished eating blueberry waffles slathered in butter and syrup. 

If you have a weak stomach or are just generally grossed out by the site of gross stuff, I would totally suggest you forgo the whole You Tube animal rendering experience. 

Unless of course you don’t plan to eat for the next week.

Or are just as nosy as me and can’t stand the thought of not seeing what all the animal rendering hype is about.

Let me be the first to say that I am more than happy to wear a pair of new shoes or carry a fabulous handbag made from one of these unfortunate bovine friends. But seriously, the thought of that grinded-up innerd stuff being used in cosmetics and hand lotions.

Um. Not so much.

On the off chance that you’d like to check out the ingredients in your Clinique, Cover Girl or Revlon stuff to see if the animal rendering is used in the making of those products, here are some of the words that are associated with animal rendering: tallow; keratin; collagen; elastin; carmine; oliec, palmitic, stearic, myristic and linoleic acids;

In the meantime, I’m googleizing all of my cosmetic products because Googling is what I do.

I should totally make some type of clever connection between the embalming, the make-up and the animal rendering at this point.

But I’ll spare you.

‘Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s Maybelline’ 

And just maybe they should list the product ingredients on their site because I’m just dying to know what’s in there.

——–

Click on the cute “What I Learned This Week” button to visit Musings Of A Housewife for more WILTW posts.

A year ago at this time, I was so excited I could hardly stand it. McDaddy and I were preparing to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. McDaddy was busy planning a surprise anniversary trip for us which may or may not have been the result of months of hinting whining on my part  to do something really special to celebrate ten years with this patient, loving man.
 
We have been fortunate to travel extensively over the past 16 years. In addition to a tour of Europe, we’ve visited Mexico, Bahamas, Canada, and thirty-two states. Some of those trips were actually business trips for McDaddy, but we always find a way to squeeze in some fun. We also have fun relaxing together in our summer home camper at various parks around our state.

Because of the extensive travelling, we’ve spent as many anniversaries apart as we have together. In fact, he was out of town on buisness for our first three anniversaries.
 
I had a few ideas in my head about how I wanted to celebrate our 10th anniversary, but I wanted him to do all the planning. His plan started to crumble when he found out that plane tickets for our ‘get-away’ were going to be outrageous.

To that, I quickly replied, ”I’m worth it,” even though I still had no idea what he was planning. Then, on our way home from Target one evening, he proposed two choices. 1. We could either head out of town for a romantic weekend get-away OR 2. we could buy a new 50 inch plasma TV.
 
Stop the press.
 
The TV addict fan in me thought about that for about ten seconds. A new television would be something the whole family could enjoy when I wasn’t hogging the remote and watching one of the many shows on my daily DVR docket. The other part of me? The other part was ready to hit the road.
 
Especially when he mentioned that this surprise get-away was all about me!

Sweet mercy! I love the sound of that.

Part of the excitement of the trip was the element of surprise. My nosey gene worked overtime trying to figure out the destination, but in reality, I didn’t want to know where we were going. I had no idea what to pack or how many pairs of shoes I would need. 

When we arrived at the airport, we headed to the ticket counter. Upon check-in, I found out we were headed to Chicago. When we landed in Chicago, McDaddy and I walked hand-in-hand toward another gate. When we arrived at the gate marked LaGuardia, we fell in line behind the other passengers who were waiting to board. Just before reaching the front of the line, he pulled me aside and led me down the long corridor. We went through that whole routine at the gate for San Juan, Puerto Rico. By this time, I didn’t care where we were going. I was enjoying my husband and his creativity.
 
He led me to a waiting area between two gates. The destination for the gate on the left was Ft. Lauderdale and the gate on the right was marked Minneapolis/St. Paul. We got in line at the Ft. Lauderdale gate and were almost to the ticket agent, when he pulled me out of line and we sat down.

Again.
 
I loved it.
 
Hear me. I loved the suspense.
 
And, usually suspense makes me crazy. 
 
But, I decided to go with it.
 
We sat there for what seemed like forever. Then, he took me by the hand and we proceeded to the other gate. This time, we actually got on the plane. I was still a bit uncertain about our destination because we could have been headed for another lay-over.
 
Once our plane landed, we headed to baggage claim to retrieve our bag.
 
Yes, I said, one bag. We only needed one bag because we left the kiddos at home. And it felt good this one time, to fly footloose and fancy free without fear of fits, tantrums or dirty diapers.
 
After that, we proceeded to the rental car place. I just knew that McDaddy had a beloved Saturn Sky waiting for us. That would be the cherry on top of the already exciting cake he had made for us. As it turns out, McDaddy had tried his best to rent a Saturn Sky, but calls to all eight rental car places in the area yielded no Saturn Sky.

Now if I’m being honest, picking the rental car from the Emerald Isle was probably the high point for McDaddy on this trip. They had a lot of choices and it didn’t matter to me what he picked. He chose a Toyota Rav-4 and the only reason I am mentioning the rental car is because McDaddy reads my blog and he will ask me why I didn’t inlcude that minor detail in this post.

Literally, within five minutes of pulling off of the rental car lot,  we were pulling into the Holy.Crap.This.Place.Is.Huge Mall of America in Minneapolis, Minnesota.
 
I was squealing ya’ll.

Squealing with delight.
 

On top of that, he handed me cash.
 
Shut Up!
 
We spent five glorious hours at the mall. The flip-flops proved to be a bad choice in light of the vast amount of walking that we did. I was in so much pain, we decided to find our hotel and then find some dinner.
 
We trusted the GPS to offer up a dinner suggestion. The GPS sent us to Doolittle’s Woodfire Grill. I had the barbecue chicken with mashed potatoes and fresh vegetables. Let me just take this chance to say, if you are ever in Eagen, Minnesota and you have the chance to eat there, do not pass up the chance. It was delighful. In fact, I’m sure the whole dinner including bread only had about 5000 calories.
 
Totally worth it.
 
May the chicken rest in peace.
 
We enjoyed a romantic dinner. McDaddy and I sat across the table from one another talking about how our lives have changed over the past ten years. We talked about the years we spent travelling the world before kids and then we talked about this exciting road we were travelling together called parenthood. The lights were dim, the music was subtle, the food was delicious and my husband was the hottest guy in the place.
 
Yeah, I said hot. And, he is.

Even with the ten gray hairs that have taken up residence on the left side of his head (he claims there is one for every year we’ve been married), he is such a gentleman. As I sat across the table from this man, I thought about how very special he is and how blessed I am to share his life. 

The next day we returned to the mall and did it all again. We stopped for lunch at the Coldstone Creamery where I chose That’s How I Roll.

I have two words for That’s How I Roll.

Pure. and Bliss.

The guy behind the counter started with vanilla ice-cream. He piled on yellow cake, cinnamon, and pecans. They mashed it all together to make the best ice-cream I have ever put in my mouth. And, I’ll just go ahead and tell you that the 40 minutes I did on the treadmill and elliptical machine did not even come close to burning the calories from this cold treat.
 
Whatever.
 
Tomorrow would be another day.
 
After that, we rode a couple of roller coasters - there is an amusement park in the center of the mall - and then we headed to the movie theater on the top floor where we watched a goofy movie called Harold and Kumar escape from Guantanamo Bay.
 
On Sunday, we decided to drive into Wisconsin. We happened to be just 30 miles from the state line and we wanted to add Wisconsin to the proverbial ”States We’ve Visited” belt. After our drive to Wisconsin, we drove back to the mall, grabbed lunch and then returned the rental car. We headed to the Minneapolis Airport and boarded the plane for our return trip.

As our 11th anniversary approaches, I am prepared to spend another anniversary alone.  I am thankful for the wonderful life that McDaddy and I share. I love sharing his life, his kids and his name.

McDaddy, I miss you more than you can know. I love you and appreciate you!

Oh, and with all that free time on your hands, you could totally be planning another trip for us to take once you return home. (ahem!)

Do you see that whole “Inmates to Playdates” thing up there? You should know that my blog title is based on a true story. It’s not something I just pulled out of the sky because ‘inmates’ happen to rhyme with ‘playdates’. I came up with that blog title because I worked in a  Regional Jail before hanging up my hand-cuffs to raise my babies. And, because I wanted a quirky blog title to match my personality. I guess its safe to say that I’ve always had an interest in the legal system and its participants.Over the course of my life, I have had the opportunity to do some really cool things. I was reminded of one of those things a few months ago.
 
McDaddy and I were sitting in our living room watching the last show on my TiVo daily docket when he saw a car turning around in front of our house. It happened to be a police car.
 
Oh snap.
 
My first thought was that something bad had happened and the police were coming to our house to inform us of the news. I really try to be positive in every situation.
 
The police car slowly turned around and it stopped in front of our neighbor’s house. It sat there for a really long time. Our neighbor’s house is too far away to actually hear anything and to be honest I felt like if it were a true emergency, the siren would be squealing or someone would be brought out in handcuffs.
 
As I wormed my way under the covers I thought about my brush with the law.

I was a senior in college and I was taking a domestic violence course . As a senior project, we had to write a research paper about domestic violence with another student in the class. I had a fabulous idea for a great paper. I had written more than my share of  boring-ole-research-papers throughout my college career and I wasn’t up to writing another one.

I called the Charleston Police Department to inquire about me and my partner, Trisha reading some of their domestic violence reports. The Shift Commander that spoke to me felt like reading reports wouldn’t give us enough first-hand experience to adequately portray domestic violence in the thriving metropolis of Charleston. He suggested instead that we do a ‘ride-along’ for the next four weekends.
 
Sweet Hallelujah… was he serious?
 
If you’ve visited Inmates even once you know how nosy I am. And, if by chance you know me in person, you know I thrive on a good story. This would be a good story for sure and it would practically write itself. Me, my nose, and a police car. What could be more fabulous?

We made plans to start our ride along the next weekend. We decided to ride along during the midnight shift because that’s when the most action most domestic calls take place.
 
I had high aspirations that Charleston’s finest would give us a gun, because truly, we deserved one. That, and because we would look really cool with a weapon strapped to our side. For the next week I watched every episode of COPS because quite frankly you can never be too prepared.
 
When we showed up at Roll-Call, Trisha and I were assigned to Officer Tim P. He was nice and funny and seemed not to mind that he had two hot college chicscollege students riding along with him. He briefed us on protocol regarding ride-alongs and asked us to sign a form that basically stated we wouldn’t sue the police force if something should happen to us.
 
Seriously.
 
Wasn’t his job to serve and protect us?  Oh well. I quickly signed my name and said, “Let’s Roll.”
 
Police department protocol stated that in the event of a call, any call, whether it was shoplifting or murder, we were to sit in the car at all times. We came prepared with a notebook, a pen, and a little audio recorder because, well, you just never know when things are going to happen quick.  I can surely talk faster than I can write, and mostly because it just looked cool.
 
Protocol also stated that police officers could only use their sirens if the crime was in progress. We talked Officer P’s ear off and asked him hundreds of questions.

Oh internets, I was in my glory.

Officer P. gave us the lowdown on what it was like to be a police officer in our great city. He also mentioned the word, piggin. Apparently, piggin is the term police officers use for their girlfriend when they are having an affair. We found from our research that piggin was pretty common among police officers. So, when you hear a cop say, “I’m going piggin,” they are not talking about eating really crisp bacon. They are talking about their girlfriend.
 
Hey, you can say you learned something today. I always say this blog is about so much more than just entertainment.
 
You. Are. Welcome.
 
We climbed into the police car and surveyed the dash. This was going to be great fun!

Our first call was a report of a drunk driver. Office P floored it and we quickly found pulled up behind drunk guy. We watched intently from the back seat as Officer P. administered the sobriety field test. Drunk guy could not walk two steps without falling over. Officer P. cuffed him and called for back-up because lets just face it, Trisha and I were not sharing the back seat with drunk guy. Another officer loaded drunk guy into his car and we followed drunk guy to the jail. Because Officer P. was the arresting officer, he had to follow Drunk Guy to the jail to write the report.

Yay! My first trip to jail.

Our first night riding with the CPD was fun and exciting. 
 
How did I get so lucky?  Yes, I realize I’m a very abnormal gal.
 
That arrest pretty much covered our whole first night and we did not care that we didn’t collect any facts or statistics for our research paper. We showed up the next night, eagerly awaiting our first domestic call.
 
Our first call that night was a domestic call and it happened to be in a not so great part of town. When we arrived on the scene, (doesn’t that sounds official) Officer P. told us we could get out of the car so we could better see what was going on. We had to stand against the police car. I asked for a bullet-proof vest but for some reason, they don’t carry extra ones. It seemed I was on my own for protection.
 
Nice.
 
We stood and watched as the police took the area by storm and we were ready to duck behind that dark blue impala at the first hint of gunfire. Okay, so maybe that’s a little dramatic. But seriously, you can never be too prepared when your working the beat. (That’s police lingo for “assigned area.”)
 
That call resulted in the victim woman making some kind of lame excuse about the her husband [crazy guy] getting upset over some kind of football game and throwing an object that accidently hit her. Officer P. escorted crazy guy to the police car and I laughed because crazy guy’s pants were around his ankles.
 
He was drunk.
 
And stupid.
 
Not sure our research needed document all of that.
 
At the scene, another officer questioned the woman. The woman refused to sign an affidavit against him or show up in court to testify against him, so they did not make an arrest.
 
DARNNIT.
 
We found that to be true time and time again. In fact, the police only arrested about five offenders for domestic violence during our month-long tenure with them. We included the drama in our research paper [which rocked by the way].

In fact, our research earned us an A+ for our efforts, along with a submission to an Honor Society Research Project Contest. Our paper was chosen from thousands of entries and we, along with two other winners, were given a free trip to Las Vegas to present our findings at the Criminal Justice Honor Society Convention.
 
Yessir, we were going to Vegas Baby.
 
Riding with Officer P. was a wonderful experience and we learned so much. We learned that we have an adundance of creepy, crazy people in WV. And, we learned that police officers have a really tough job. Our ride along with the police department ultimately resulted in another exciting experience. This time we were in Magistrate Court. Observing in magistrate court gaveus the opportunity to follow those five cases all the way through the judicial system. The whole magistrate experience was pretty exciting too.

I’ll save that for another post and another time though.
 
Until then, keep your draws’ up and don’t drive drunk.
 
Over and Out!

————-

Be sure to enter this week’s Online Poster Printing GIVE AWAY for your chance to win a 16X20 poster print of any digital picture.

If you are one of my 8 loyal blog fans, you know that today is an important day here at Inmates. Can you believe this is my 100th post? And what better way to celebrate than to tell you 100 things about me. Because you know, you may want to buy me something sometime.

Here we go!

1. I was born on a Tuesday
2. In December
3. Back in 1973
4. I was the youngest
5. Of three kids that included twin brothers
6. I was a loud child who talked constantly
7. And am still loud to this day according to some  most
8. My favorite year in elementary school was 6th grade and my teacher’s name was Ms. Brick
9. My childhood room was purple with a big canopy bed
10. I met my husband in high school
11. We dated for 4 years
12. We were engaged for 2 years
13. And have been married for 10 years
14. Which means we’ve been together for 16 years
15. If my math is correct, which in unlikely
16. Because I suck at math
17. I rarely use racy words on my blog, but might throw friggin’ and suck around everynowandagain.
18. I probably use way too many commas… what can I say, I like to think before I speak (ahem!)
19. Both McDaddy and I played the saxophone in our high school marching band.
20. We also both play piano
21. I love to travel
22. And have been to 31 states
23. We also took an awesome tour of Europe
24. And have been to Canada, Mexico and the Bahamas
25. We honeymooned in Gatlinburg, Tennessee
26. I was a May Bride
27. And we each had 7 attendants
28. I get bored easily
29. But loved planning my wedding
30. I am a military wife
31. My hubby is currently deployed
32. My hubby is my best friend
33. I have been to the Price Is Right twice but never got to COME ON DOWN!
34. I have touches of ADD and OCD
35. I have hiked the Grand Canyon
36. I am very impatient
37. But am married to the most patient man on the planet.
38. I have very serious opinions about my funeral.
39. Which is proof that I am a control freak.
40. In May, 2008, I started going to the gym 4-5 days per week. I have lost 24 pounds.
41. But would like to lose 26 more.
42. Which is why I had to break off my relationship with Little Debbie.
43. TiVo is the greatest invention of my time.
44. I like fonts.
45. I am not crazy about birds.
46. I am addicted to Facebook and mySpace and check them both several times each day… those darn status things are so interesting.
47. I am the nosiest person I know (which probably explains why I love the status things on facebook and mySpace so much!)
48. I drink way to much Dr. Pepper
49. I love Michael Phelps. In fact, I refer to him often as my boyfriend.
50. I have watched The Young and The Restless for over 20 years.
51. I am a reality TV junkie.
52. I listen to KLOVE all the time. (KLOVE is a Contemporary Christian station)
53. My favorite movie of all time is Dirty Dancing
54. I love Mexican food and always order fajitas.
55. The sight of guacamole makes me gag.
56. The only thing I craved during both pregnancies was water.
57. And now I drink about 4 bottles daily.
58. Both of my babies were born via C-Section and were high risk pregnancies.
59. If I were to hit the lottery today, I would make my way to the Saturn dealership and buy a 2009 Saturn Sky Redline.
60. I eat blue cheese on my salad.
61. I enjoy scrapbooking and have scrapbooked about 84% of my boys’ lives. (I totally pulled the 84% out of the sky.)
62. I don’t like Kathy Griffin
63. Not sure where the random thought about Kathy Griffin came from, but it’s true.
64. I am afraid to drive in inclement weather.
65. I don’t like any kind of berry unless your talking about a strawberry poptart or blueberry muffin.
66. I don’t like vanilla scented candles or vanilla body wash stuff
67. I hate to dust
68. I don’t really like using the word hate unless I’m talking about dust.
69. I desire to be like Christ. However, I fail daily.
70. I have a Psychology Degree
71. I breastfed both of my boys for a year
72. McDaddy and I have lived in 4 homes in 11 years.
73. I would like to save a life one day. If all else fails, I am an organ donor.
74. I should floss more often.
75. I am a big-time klutz
76. I will never use “LOL” -  I think it is silly and unnecessary.
77. So I use these  =)   a lot
78. I have used an iron maybe 3 times in my life and never with much success
79. I have not had an uninterrupted night of sleep in probably three years.
80. I often forget to write transactions in the checkbook.
81. This fact drives McDaddy nuts.
82. I do not like coffee and it always puzzles me when people question my drinking Dr. Pepper or coke for breakfast. It is caffeinated after all.
83. While McDaddy is deployed I plan to strip wallpaper and have carpet installed in our basement.
84. If I spent less time on MySpace and Facebook, I could have it done by now.
85. I can drive a stick shift
86. When I was a senior in high school, I had extensive oral surgery that included breaking my jaws and being wired shut for 6 weeks.
87. On top of that, I had 8 teeth pulled and braces and retainers
88. Needless to say, I have pretty (expensive) teeth
89. I have a sign in my kitchen that says “I kiss better than I cook”
90. And it’s true.
91. But I can make a pretty mean pancake.
92. I don’t like snow
93. But I collect snowmen
94. I have always liked my name
95. I love my inlaws
96. I love the new year because it means I get a brand new calendar to fill in
97. I have had acrylic nails for 13 years but I hate getting them filled
98. I have perfect vision after lasek surgery in August, 2007.
99. I sell and collect Longaberger baskets.
100. And, I love getting a new purse.
101. Which is why I’m having a Longaberger purse give-away today!

To enter, simply leave a comment on this post telling me one random fact about you. A winner will be chosen by the accounting firm of random.org on Monday, February 9th at noon. The contest is only open to US Residents. (Sorry to my international loyal blog fans.)

EDITED TO INCLUDE THE WINNER

The Winner of the Longaberger purse is…..

Random Integer Generator

Here are your random numbers:

10

Timestamp: 2009-02-09 20:09:53 UTC

 And the #10 Commenter is Darcie @ Such The Spot. 

Congrats! Darcie. Send me your mailing address and I’ll send some Longaberger Lovin’ your way.

If you’ve spent any time nosing around here on my blog, perhaps you have noticed the feedjit box at the bottom of the left side bar. That little box is the source for all manner of interesting information concerning this blog.

My favorite thing about the Feedjit box is that it informs me how those of you who stumbled here from Google found ‘From Inmates To Playdates’. I am constantly amused by the things people type into the search window at my friend Google’s house.

Apparently, there is more than one way to find me on Google….

1. Joliet, Illinois arrived from google.com on “From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for ‘my wife flosses alot and buys alot of underware.’

• Welcome Joliet, Illinois. I hope you found what  you were looking for and much more here at Inmates. I should go ahead and confess that I don’t floss nearly as often as I should, and I rarely buy underwear.

2. Mc Rae, Georgia arrived from google.com on “A Wild Ride!: From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for ‘wildrides’.

• A shout out to my new-found friend in Mc Rae, Georgia. Welcome to you. I think you will agree that the Saturn Sky is one Wild, Sexy Ride. I might have mentioned really loving that car here, here and maybe even here. Oh yes, I am a wild and crazy girl.

3. Mission, Kansas arrived from google.com on “2008 November 19: From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for ’shemar moore tackling unsub’.

• Yo, Mission Kansas… thanks for popping by. I do love me some sexy, fine Shemar Moore, especially when he is tackling the unsub. Criminal Minds happens to be one of my favorite shows. I used to work with criminal minds back in my working days. See, the whole inmates thing… it’s actually true.

4.  Springfield, Virginia arrived from blogsearch.google.com on “Free Advice With a Side Of Cheap Entertainment…: From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for ‘cheap forms of entertainment.’

• Hey, hey, Springfield, Virginia… this is about as cheap as it gets. Unless of course you want to pony up some coin for today’s blog visit.

5.  Central City, Kentucky arrived from google.com on “Clearing My Head And A Giveaway: From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for ‘leslee longaberger.’

• Okay Central City, Kentucky… you got me. I had no idea there was a Leslee Longaberger. Welcome to you though. If you were searching for the Longabergers you have to be a real sweet gal. Could I interest you in a Longaberger basket?

6.  Butler, Pennsylvania arrived from google.com on “Clearing My Head And A Giveaway: From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for
‘crazy longaberger lady’.

• Butler, P-A. Look no further, you have found the crazy Longaberger Lady. She wanted me to welcome you to her blog.

7. Quasqueton, Iowa arrived from google.com on “Food… for thought: From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for ‘ketchup is my vegetable button.’

• Quasqueton, Iowa… first let me say that I’m glad I don’t live in Quasqueton because I probably couldn’t learn to say it much less spell it. Second, I’d like to welcome you to my blog. Third, what in the world is a vegetable button and what could I have possibly said to match that search? Are you serious?

8. Terre Haute, Indiana arrived from google.com on “Clearing My Head And A Giveaway: From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for rotating christmas tree stand hows it works. 

• Welcome Terre Haute. I’m glad you’re here. May I offer a free piece of advice. Do not attempt to use a rotating Christmas tree stand if you have a 9 foot tree. There is a pretty good chance it will not be able to withstand the weight. I may or may not know that from rotating Christmas tree stand personal experience.

9.  Lisle, Illionis arrived from google.com on “Just Our Christmas Letter : From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for family christmas letter dirty.

• Nice. Real nice Lisle, Illinois. Thanks a bunch for that search. Again, not sure what I said to match up with that search, but party on!

10. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania arrived from google.com on “I’ve Been Expecting You! : From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for ‘jeep ornament.’

• Yo Philly… What’s up? Maybe I could introduce you to McDaddy. He loves his jeep and even belongs to a club called Jeepinwv.com (better known by me as The International Brotherhood of Jeeps). By the way, did you find that ornament you were looking for?

11.  Raleigh, North Carolina arrived from google.com on “From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for ‘prisoners who weave horse hair.’

• Well hello Raleigh. Over there on you’re right you’ll find the prisoners who weave horse hair. To your left, you’ll see the prisoners who are cutting the horse hair. And there at the front desk, you’ll find the warden who supervises it all. Did I mention I’m glad you’re here?

12.  Springfield, Illinois arrived from google.com on “Lightning McQueen : From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for “Lightning McQueen third birthday.”

• Hey Springfield, can I just say that as with every other room in my house, my blog would not be complete without some mention of that Disney Marketing Genius, Lightning McQueen. I could offer you all manner of Lightning McQueen cars… cactus Lightning, Bug Lightning, White Wall Lightning, Tar Lightning, Impound Lightning, Dinaco Lightning, Sponsor-less Lightning and probably some Lightnings that have not even been offered to the public yet. Shoot, we’ve spent enough on him to own the franchise, but I don’t figure Walt and his folks would agree with that.

13.  Peterborough arrived from search.live.com on “About Me: From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for ‘free dates.com with photos.’

• Peterbourough, I’d like to welcome you to my neck of the woods. Unfortunately though, I am happily married to McDaddy who is not into sharing his wife. Unless of course you are rich and have the means to purchase a Saturn Sky for the Princess. In which case, he might discuss it.

It is also interesting to note that the two posts yielding the most random visitors to my blog are Ghetto Martha Stewart and Just Our Christmas Letter. It appears people are anxious to read Christmas letters and find out how Martha Stewart goes ghetto.

Based on sheer numbers, it wouldn’t be right for me to leave these folks out….

A quick shout out to…..

Grand Rapids, Michigan who searched for Christmas letter from 1 year old. (He was 3 by the way).
Hopkinsville, Kentucky who searched for martha stewart spinning tree switch  (I didn’t know Martha made that thing)
Saint Paul, Minnesota who searched for Awesome Christmas letters (may I just add that Google did in fact send you to the right place)
Delta, British Columbia who searched for How to make ghetto icing.
Gratis, Ohio who searched for How to make Longaberger Peanut Butter Fudge (leave it to the Longabergers to find a way to market peanut butter fudge).

Thanks for visiting ya’ll!

Google, please keep sending those searches my way.

I appreciate you stopping by Inmates no matter how you landed here.

I know what you’re thinking…

One of two things.

You’re either thinking, ‘Man, didn’t she just post about death?” or you’re thinking that from the sound of the title this must be another dramatization of one of my many near death experiences.

As it turns out, I’ve never had a near death experience unless you count the time I had a kidney stone that resulted in a stroke.

Okay, so it’s possible I didn’t really have a stroke, but I was so sure that I had suffered a stroke, that I convinced McDaddy of it on the way to the ER. And, as exciting and scary as that episode was, I will save that for another time, another blog.

We are currently enjoying a mini-vacation with the in-laws at Snowshoe Ski Resort. Since this is our fourth trip in four years, I guess it’s safe to say this is an annual tradition. McDaddy is the oldest of five siblings so that means that his parents, their 5 kids, their 5 spouses and their 11 kids make up the McClan (with another one on the way). So, if you’re keeping track and if my mad math skillz don’t fail me, I think that totals 23. If you’ve spent any amount of time here, however, you know that math is not my strong suit. Unless you’re talking about dollar signs and sale percentages, and then, I’m your girl.

Anyhoo…

How do I get off track so easily?  Of the McClan, there are 16 of us here. It is a time of enjoyment and fun for all of us, regardless of whether we are skiing, scrapbooking, playing Thomas Trains or cooking (ahem!).

In 2006, on the same annual ski vacation, McDaddy and I shared the same condo (#217) with McDaddy’s parents and our two young sons who at the time were 3 years and 2 months. McDaddy and McGrandpa bonded on the slopes, while McMotherInLaw (MIL) and I bonded in the condo over scrapbooking, reading, playing with the kids and ultimately laughing about the events of a certain day.
 
During our fateful visit back in 2006, we watched as an ambulance pulled up in front of the building where we were staying. Me and my mind immediately went in several different directions. One of which may or may not have included McDaddy breaking his neck on the slopes. (Did I mention I have a flair for the dramatic?) Soon after that, my mother-in-law and I heard the familiar sound of walkie-talkies. Well, it wouldn’t have been familiar to most people, but my job in jail required that I carry one, so whatever this was, it was rightupmyalley. I went to the back  bedroom and pulled back the curtain. To my surprise, I saw WV State troopers swarming the hall-way. Something had apparently happened in the room next to ours. 

(The door that you see beside the bench is where the State Troopers were. My sweet Stevie is standing in the door way of our apartment).

I quickly informed MIL that something BIG was going down and I Nosy Nellie opened our apartment door. I stood wide-eyed in our doorway and the troopers politely asked me to go back into the room and close the door.

Sweet Mercy. This was serious.
 
We stood silently by the window, hushing the kids, eavesdropping on the conversation between the troopers. We gathered just enough info to deduce that something really bad had happened. Something about pills, pizza, girls and beer.

Not necessarily in that order.
 
Using Alex’s dirty diaper as an excuse, I stepped outside of our door. My pretense was to throw the diaper away in a hallway trashcan. In the minute or so that it took to do that, I was sure I could collect enough information to reasonably assess the situation and know for certain what had happened. (My detective skills surprise even me.)
 
On the way back to our room, there was a young guy sitting in the hallway outside of Room 215, the site of the “crime.” He was visibly upset and had tears in his eyes.
 
He looked up.
 
Our eyes met.
 
I asked, “Is that guy in there alright?”
 
“No,” he said…. “He’s dead.”
 
Okay, so there was a dead guy in the room next to us. Just steps away from our room.

And, for some reason the police did not want us to know about it. I hurried back into our room, shut the door and told MIL what the guy said. We both headed back into the bedroom, pressed our ears to the window, tried to catch quick peeks through the curtain and listened while the police interrogated this young man.
 
Based on the interrogation, we gathered the following info.

1. Four guys were sharing Room 215.
2. They invited girls to their room.
3. The girls brought pills.
4. The guys shared the pills.
5.  They ate pizza and drank beer.
6. Early the next morning the girls left the room.
7. When it was time to hit the slopes the guys went into the room where “dead guy” was sleeping and tried to wake him up. He would not wake up, so they left and went out snowboarding.
8. Around lunchtime, they returned to their room.
9. “Dead guy” was still “asleep”
10. They doused “dead guy” with water.
 
Dead guy did not move.
 
He did not move, because he was dead.
 
Holy Hallelujah.

I quickly informed MIL that I had watched enough CSI to know that the police always interview the neighbors. And, since my bedroom shared a wall with the dead guy, I was sure the police would be making a visit to our room to interview us, separately, and then together.

We stood there listening for hours.
 
Much to my disappointment, the police never came for an interview. After hours of investigators, hotel personnel and police coming and going, they took the dead guy out in a body bag. MIL and I had an exciting day and we could not wait for the guys to get back to tell them what happened.
 
I re-told the story several times after we arrived home. Days later, the finality of that guy’s life hit me pretty hard. I was so consumed with the investigation, the hoopla and the excitement that I didn’t really stop to consider that this was some body’s baby. 

Some one’s child had lost his life in a corner apartment next to ours at the “Top of the World” at Snowshoe Resort.

Our lives are fragile.

Each year when we arrive at Top of the Mountain Resort for our annual tradition, I am reminded of that and the poor guy that lost his life.

We are making new traditions and fun memories with our children.

Somewhere though, there is a mother who has lost her son and is no longer able to make memories with her child. Wherever she is I whisper a prayer for her today.

As I type this, my sweet six year old is headed to Ski Lessons. He is excited and I am not. I worry that he will get cold, scared or hurt. I am also whispering a prayer for my baby as I sit and write this post.

Hopefully, we won’t have any drama this year.

Updates on Ski School to follow.

If you happen to be one of my real life friends, you probably chuckled at that title. Because if you really knew me, you’d know there are many more than 13 weird things about me. If you had the ability to see inside this head-o-mine, you would be very surprised that I am able to get anything done. And the fact that I have the word ‘inmates’ in my blog title should tell you something.

Don’t we all have our things?

Let’s get this thing started.

1. I am very particular about the way I fold my towels.  I fold towels in half and then in half again and I stack them so that the folded edges are facing front like these.  Failure to do so does not sit well with me.

What can I say? I told you I had quirks.

2. It is a pet peeve of mine to receive a piece of mail with an upside-down stamp. And, I really prefer it to be straight against the right side and top of the envelope.

I’m Just Sayin’

3.  I love symmetry. Not sure why, but I like everything to be even. Even things like the icons on my desktop.

4. I make all beds in my home very first thing in the morning unless I am running absolutely late or bleeding. Not that bleeding has ever been an excuse for me not to make the beds, but you get my point. {note: I was sure I had a picture of my bed all nice and tidy on my laptop…seriously}

5. I have been known to take random pictures of myself and have pretty much perfected the technique.

Just ask Anita Renfroe.

6.  If I come to your house and use the restroom, there is a pretty good chance I will take a peek in your bathtub. Just keepin’ it real.

7.  If I am in the right kind of mood, clutter has the ability to send me rightovertheedge….. unless you are talking about the cute little green bench in my bedroom that looks exactly like this one minus the crazy pattern. And then, all bets are off. No matter how hard I try, I cannot! keep! it! clear!

At least, I don’t think it has this same pattern. The pile junk would have to be removed for me to even see the pattern. I think one day last month it was clear.

8.  When I crawl into bed, I always count the hours until I have to be up and ask God to allow me to sleep at least half of those hours uninterrupted.

9.  After a year of being with this clock, I have yet to figure it out completely. And that fact drives me nuts!

10. I have serious opinions about my funeral.  [note: stay tuned for that post.] I would love a Casket Basket. If the Longaberger’s are not available to weave this ole gal a basket casket, then the finest casket of solid mahogany will be fine. Maybe with some bling. Look at it like this… it will be the last gift that anyone will ever purchase for me. So, I want it done right. Remember, I said solid and mahogany, not pressed and wood.

11. I may be known in some circles as a control freak. (ahem! see #10)

12. I love Mexican food, but the site of guacamole makes me gag. Seriously, if you’ve ever changed a baby poop diaper, I have no idea how you could eat the stuff.

And last but not least.

13. I love, love, love the Olympics.

And most especially this guy. 

Just in case you have been living in a cave, that is the man, the machine and my boyfriend, Michael Phelps.

There.

Doesn’t it feel good to know there’s lots of people out there crazier than you?

Enjoy your Thursday, ya’ll!

*Edited to include – For some reason Wordpress NEVER lets me center the images without centering my words. OCD ALERT*