A Little Shady

If you know me in real life, you know that I am a straight-up crazy person, with a boat-load of quirks.

This picture will prove it.

Folks, what you see in the little cubby hole in the SKY is four pairs of sunglasses.

Keep in mind there are only two seats in the SKY.

That black pair on the right belongs to McDaddy.

Those other three?

MINE.

I am a crazy person when it comes to sunglasses. Before I had Lasek surgery, I never bought sunglasses because I had to wear eyeglasses. Since having Lasek surgery in 2006, sunlight really bothers me. Sunglasses are a necessity. In the past seven years, I have probably bought twelve pairs of sunglasses. The only problem is, I never have a pair when I need them.

Or, maybe I should say, I never have a pair that I like. I have purchased sunglasses that I now hate. Either they are too dark, or not dark enough. Too tight on my head, or so loose I can’t keep them in place. If I find a pair that I really like, I buy more than one pair. In fact, when I found the last pair of sunglasses that I really liked (the second pair from the left in the picture) at Dollar General, I bought two pair. Then, I went back a week later and bought a third pair because somehow one of the arms got bent and they no longer fit my fat head.

Then, last year I was in Dress Barn and found a pair similar to those pictured above, except they had rhinestones on them. And I am a firm believer that anything good can be great if you add some bling to it. (On the far left in the first picture).

I will never EVER so long as I shall live purchase a pair of those crazy oversized sunglasses that the celebrities wear. Nor will I purchase the aviator style sunglasses. While in Jacksonville recently, I purchased two more pair of the blinged-out sunglasses at the Dress Barn outlet. Less than an hour later, I walked into a Fossil outlet and purchased two more pairs of blinged-out glasses that I liked even better than the Dress Barn sunglasses.

That’s four pairs of sunglasses in less than an hour.

When McDaddy drew his eyebrows down after finding out about the second two pairs, I quickly offered to return the first two pairs. And that’s what I did.

My goal was to have a pair of glasses in each vehicle.

And if you know us personally, you know that is not a small task, because though McDaddy is not a hunter, a fisher, a drinker, or a smoker, he is a car FREAK. We have a total of five vehicles. But we are rarely ever in his 1981 Vintage Buick so that means I would need four pairs of sunglasses.

Which I do have.

The only problem is they often (by some strange twist of fate) end up in the same vehicle and I’m left standing around telling McDaddy I have no idea what happens to all of my sunglasses.

But now I know.

Seems shady to me that four pairs of glasses could all end up in the same car.

At least now I know where to look when I need a pair.

OCD with a Side of Crazy

I’ve mentioned more than once that I have a slight - slight - case of OCD. I have no idea when or how I discovered this fact, but I think it’s safe to say, (in the words of Lady GagGag), that I was born this way. It’s no secret that I have a truck-load of quirks, (Remember, I did work in jail!) and I operate best when everything is in its place.

I was standing in line at the grocery store a few days ago, when it dawned on me that I am all kinds of crazy. When the cashier handed cash back to me, I turned it all the same direction before filing it - in denominational order – in my wallet. The gal behind me let out a loud sigh that told me she didn’t appreciate me standing at the register a mere fourteen seconds while I took care of my business.

She’s lucky I had my Women of Faith t-shirt on, or I might have given her a piece of my mind.

(I’m just keeping it real, here.)

 

Over the years, McDaddy has learned to adapt – and even embraces – my quirks.

Well, most of them, anyway.

He does not however, embrace my love of lighting elements.

1. When I’m at home, I like the front door to be open (saying WELCOME!) and all the lights to be on. McDaddy (God love him!) is a firm believer in energy and HVAC conservation, and prefers the doors and blinds closed and the lights off. (We go round and round every single time he turns off a light in the room I’m in.)

2. I never, ever sleep in socks. In fact, I don’t even really like socks. It would thrill me to wear flip-flops 365 days a year.

3. And speaking of shoes, I rarely EVER go barefoot outside. When I see people at theme parks and public places without shoes, it makes me cringe because that is straight-up nasty.

4. I prefer to drink soda from a COLD 20 ounce bottle. It is my belief that when a soda sits in a fridge for any amount of time, it loses fizz or flavor (usually both!) and is gross. On any given day, there are three or four 20 oz. bottles of coke in the fridge that have about three swigs left. I pretty much have to make myself drink those, and usually gag doing it.

5. As a general rule, I never, ever buy generic cereal or poptarts.

6. Canned foods are lined up with labels facing forward in the cupboards. Same with drinking glasses. I’m pretty sure it’s a sickness.

7.  I hate to see numbers on my badge APPs on my iPhone. When my voicemail badge has a number by it, I have to erase it or it drives me crazy crazier. I rarely ever have WWF plays waiting on me because I can’t stand seeing the number notification on there.

8. I make my bed as soon as I get out of it in the morning. It is something I’ve done for many, many years.

Yes, my freak flag flies high some days.

9. I am the bookkeeper for Stevie’s baseball team. I am pretty particular about the book. Recently, one of the dads kept the book until I could make it to the game from an appointment. Y’all! HE USED A FRIGGIN PEN. Once I got home, I ripped the pages out and recopied them in my writing, WITH A PENCIL. Because of that, there is a running joke among the baseball parents that I am OCD about the book. A fact that I do not deny.

10. It is difficult impossible for me to STAY FOCUSED on any one thing for long periods of time. That fact, makes that baseball book a tough gig at times. It is also the main reason I am up so late every night. I sit down with my laptop at 10 PM thinking I can crank a blog post out in a reasonable amount of time, and lo and behold, the iPhone starts to ding with every Words With Friends play, and that number shows up on the badge APP, and then I make the plays, return to the blog post and then discover another episode of Dance Moms or DCC Making the Team on the DVR, and then the next thing you know it is midnight and I’m over on Facebook nosing in somebody’s bidness.

It is interesting to note that I am writing this very sentence at 1:12 AM.

11. I have about 213 pairs of sunglasses. I wore glasses and/or contacts for many years, so I never purchased sunglasses. After LASEK surgery though, I became a sunglasses buying fool. Although I have several [read: A LOT] pairs of sunglasses, I rarely have a pair when I need them because I often forget and leave every single pair in the same vehicle glove box. That fact drives this crazy OCD gal nuts.

Believe me, I could go on-and-on because my crazy spans for miles, but it’s late and Dance Moms – The Reunion is on, not to mention I’m up to 839 words and y’all are probably bored to tears, so I’ll stop now.

Care to share a quirk?

Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum

Some time ago, McDaddy mentioned that the Jeep Club had been invited to participate in a flashlight tour of a lunatic asylum located about 10o miles from our house. Being the freakweird person that I am, I immediately said, “We should go!” On Friday afternoon we said goodbye to the kids, grabbed our overnight bag (yes, I said overnight! WOOHOO!) and headed to the loony bin. I have a psychology degree, and I knew this would be right up my alley. We’d be like modern-day ghost busters, only not, because I don’t believe in ghosts.

We stopped for a quick dinner with the Jeep peeps before making the short drive to the massive, historical building known as the Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum.

We were taken into a meeting room and issued certificates of commitment. McDaddy’s reason for commitment was ‘bad company” and my reason for commitment was “Over action of the mind.”

Oh shoot. If they only knew.

Luckily, I had the good sense to look at the lunatic asylum website before we left. I discovered that there would be no lights and no heat. We met our tour guide and he lead us up four flights of wooden stairs. Since the web-site reports apparition sightings, unexplainable voices and sounds, and other paranormal activity at the Asylum, I had no idea what to expect. The tour guide gave us a glimpse into the care and treatment of the patients and even shared how some of them died within the walls of the massive historical structure.  THEN. Then, as we entered the first ward, the tour guide shared a story about a guy that died in a treatment room named Frank. He did a ‘flashlight’ session with our group and somehow, the flashlight that sat in the middle of the floor went on and off three different times as our guide asked ”Frank” or “the ghost of Frank” questions. While I have no earthly idea how that flashlight turned on and off like it did, I don’t believe for one second that it had anything at all to do with a ghost, regardless of claims such as this one:

I enjoyed touring the different wards and hearing about some of the patients that inhabited the facility. Even though we froze our butts off during the tour (it is November in West Virginia), I enjoyed the information that was shared with us. I had to wonder though if we were being exposed to asbestos though because the paint is peeling from every surface and most of the floor tiles are disturbed and cracked. We heard tall tales about ghost sightings and paranormal activity, but aside from the flashlight nonsense, we didn’t witness any of it for ourselves, which is just fine with me, because hello? Paranormal Activity on the television scared the soup out of me for weeks.

If you ever have the opportunity to visit West Virginia, you should definitely visit the loony bin. It is quite the experience, especially in the dark, in the middle of November and more especially with a tour guide who believes paranormal activity, is normal. In its hay day, the 262,000 square-foot structure was no doubt a beautiful building with inspiring architecture. McDaddy and I both agreed we’d enjoy the historical heritage tour offered at the asylum.

The creepy, historical Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum.

Wasn’t Me!

I am sitting on my big, blue, bloggy couch with my knee propped up. McDaddy and I are watching Desperate Housewives and I am freezing. Just after McDaddy grabbed a blanket, I mentioned that maybe we should turn the ceiling fans off. He then told me some kind of nonsense about the fans pushing hot air from the ceiling down toward us which makes entirely no sense to me, because surely the fans are circulating air around, but hey, what do I know?

I thought it might be fun to tell you about all the things I didn’t do this weekend because that would be a lot better than what I actually did.

1. It most certainly was not me who while merrily walking to my van did a faceplant on the driveway Saturday evening.

2. And I have not been hobbling around whining about my shattered kneecap ever since.  I was not not the least bit concerned about my knee because my knee is insured, but, the iPhone, um, not so much.

3. I am not the type of person who would unscrew the bath & body soap pump on the left hand sink in our bathroom to pour some of the soap into the pump sitting on the right hand sink just so the soap pumps would have the same amount in them.

Quirks, anyone?

4. It wasn’t me who swarped like a crazy person last week in an attempt to get some junk moved out of the McResidence before Christmas and transferred to our neighborhood “Goodwill” place. 

5. I have not walked into each of those rooms several times for the sole purpose of admiring my work because clearly I have better things to do with my time.

6. I have not been agonizing over the annual McFamily Christmas letter the past few days because it is perfectly acceptable for me to wait until the last minute to get it done.

7. After arriving home one evening last week to find the front door open and the living room lights on, I did not enter the house ready to go all ‘Jackie Chan’ on an intruder.

8. Y’all know I’m a morning person, so there’s no way I’m counting down the days until Friday where I’ll have nine glorious days to sleep late WITHOUT interruption from my stupid alarm clock.

9. And, finally, it is not me who has made a solemn pledge to trudge through two years worth of blog posts to replace pictures that are no longer showing up on my blog because things like that do NOT bother me in the least.

How ’bout you? What did you NOT do this weekend?

My OCD sent me a thank you card today

I am an organizer by nature.

Which is funny because my the stuff in my head is anything but organized, as is obvious if you’ve spent any amount of time around here.

That’s not to say that my house is always organized and tidy. It means instead, that I just function better when things are as they should be. For that reason, I spent two hours cleaning out my closet yesterday. I’ve walked into the closet several times today just to look at it and smile.

In fact, my OCD sent me a thank you card today.

After that, I purged 14 pairs of shoes and STILL have more shoes than any one person (myself included!) needs.

Next, I changed purses because that’s what I do when the wind blows I get bored.

Next on my list is cleaning out the kids’ dresser drawers and closets. We have more than several shirts and pants that need to be removed and placed in the “to be sold at Lil’ Lambs” tote because they are two inches too short for either kid. Truth be told I could rid my closet of several pants and shirts because, you know, our dryer enjoys shrinking my britches. But we won’t even go there because McDaddy insists there is absolutely nothing wrong with our dryer. Ahem.

And speaking of McDaddy, he called me yesterday and I thought maybe he had hit his head on something because he mentioned the words sell and jeep in the same sentence.

I’ll give you a minute to let that sink in.

It took me a bit to gather my thoughts because HOLY CRAP! my man must of lost his mind.

After a minute or so I discovered he was in favor of selling the jeep if, and only if, we could buy a wrangler that a friend of his has for sale.

Wellalrightythen, let’s see. Selling one heap to buy another heap.

Hum. A wrangler is no doubt cooler than a Cherokee, but it is still a heap nonetheless. A few months ago, a friend of McDaddy’s left his jeep at our house and we decided to take it out one evening. We took the top and the doors off and away we went. While dancing along with my iPod (which was blaring through the speakers) to Rob Bass (a little Joy and Pain), I got all wild and crazy and the next thing I knew my shoe flew off my foot and bounced down the highway.

One thing is certain if McDaddy decides to purchase another heap. Fun topless times are sure to follow.

It amuses me that this post started out about my mad organization skills and then took a u-turn into a post about the heap and the heap, part two.

Obviously, rambling works for me!

For other Works For Me Wednesday posts, visit We Are THAT Family.